The Honk!

My new life in apartment living has opened my eyes to all the different honks in the world.
And I'mma share em with you now.

It starts with the simple, standard monday morning dumptruck.
And I'm talking every monday morning even holidays the dump truck comes to empty!
Around 7am you're gunna hear a beep,beep,beep,beep for about 2 minutes and then a HONK HONK! as the dump truck backs out into oncoming traffic and just prays no ones gunna hit him...which is stupid, there must be a better way to be a dump truck.

Now the location of my building is between two intersections on Mckenzie.
One intersection is the start of a hill then there's a little bit of slump and then more hill. And lord you can bet that slump causes a whole lot of trouble.
Which brings us to honk number two
The HONK HONK
the honk honk is reserved for bitches who be trying to turn in the slump areas. We've got the ones who can't see over the slump and have a long line of cars behind them who are pissed off because they keep missing their chances to turn cause, once again, they can't see.
Or for the people in the slump trying to turn left in rush hour who can't be getting through and the line behind them that are mad they've decided to turn there.
(Truth is there should just be a darn barrier there so no one can turn)

Then we got the LOOOOOOONG.
This is for the guy who's going 60 down the hill on his phone not paying attention to the suddenly stopping traffic up ahead and manages to stop just in time, usually accompanied by the squealing of tires.
It can also be found when one of those cars trying to turn in the slump takes the rash decision to go for it! and nearly gets taken out by the oncoming traffic they couldn't see.
This honk is usually accompanied by a "LEARN TO DRIVE ASSHOLE" or similar words of caution and anger.

The LOOOOOOONG is often followed by the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
From the person who made the rash turn, or almost got hit by the idiot not watching the traffic up ahead. Though the former is totes in the wrong they'll usually throw a "fuck you" back at the other cars. Why? They think they're pretty fly drivers.
They're wrong.

Then there's the two am LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
And it's at two am and there's not a lot of people on the road so I just usually assume that a raccoon is in danger or owls are dive bombing cars which i don't really care about so I roll over and go back to bed.

And last but I'm sure not least, a new one I just heard this morning. This is probably the most life altering...of course I still didn't get out of bed to see what had happened but I was intrigued.
This morning....probs like 5am cause the light was up but lord it was no time for me to be awake.
I heard, right out side my window in the slump, a TOOT TOOT "You ok man?" Like a oh hello bro over here just slowly approaching you in my car I see you have a problem and I was wondering if you needed help honk?
So I assumed the dude being honked at must be in like some sort of dilemma.
Hit by a car
Broken down car
Flat tire (lols see how the chain of my brain works up there)

But the dude was like "No man, I'm good".....You're good?
......
Well ok bye

And the other car just drove off. By cool you're fine whatever his dilemma was.
I still didn't look out the window but I was THOROUGHLY intrigued.
Peace out car drivers,
And when in doubt, honk it out.

Jello Shots Shots Shots

Loooooooord,
Aurora my roommate and Earl have decided to throw a Space Jam party in our apartment tomorrow night.
Which is essentially a get together of us and our friend, whom I shall call Antoinette, playing the Space Jam drinking game which I'd like to note Aurora and I have done once before and almost didn't live to speak of.
It wasn't nearly as bad as the Beauty and the Beast drinking game but that's because you have to drink every time they say Gaston as well as every line of Gaston so that song alone you drink everything you own.
But the Space Jam one is pretty intense.
I can't tell you how it started.
Something about Jello was said which I'd like to note I don't like Jello and then they decided we should make Jello shots and drink them while watching Space Jam and that's basically it.
That's the whole plan.
So we just made 60 (probably actually 55) Jello shots in Red Orange and Green (the colors are insignificant)
And then Earl! For whatever reason told us (LIED TO US) that they had to be frozen because of the vodka in them which doens't even make that much sense because vodka doesn't freeze when it's in the freezer.
But apparently neither of us actually know how to make Jello Shots so we went along with it and cleared some space in the freezer which we don't have room for because of all my delicious bacon in there.
And then what do I do?
I look at the instructions because Earl is known for his lies.
And YUP!
HE LIED!
We could have put them all in the fridge, nicely on a tray, where there's plenty of freaking room!!!
So we'll wait.
We'll wait until he's gone to move the shots onto the fridge try with the rest of them....
Right now they're making Fake Bailey's Mousse.
Fake Bailey's because it's not Bailey's  but tastes the same.

Also our sink blew up.
I don't know what to do about these things because where I come from sinks don't blow up.
But Aurora called the building manager and he'll come tomorrow I guess....
All she says is thank goodness it's not the fridge, it's blown up twice
I don't know
I guess I'll have to get dressed in the morning...

~Drink More Stress Less~
Words to live by from Earl