Resolution Check Up

Yeah yeah I know I haven't posted the last day of my oregon trip yet but I'm angry and I'm drunk so I'm currently DRANGRY!!
Let's see how this post goes.

How you doing world!? 

I just thought I'd check in on you and your resolutions because you know, and if you didn't know! 

IT'S FEBRUARY 1ST TODAY!

Yes that means you're going into the second month of the new year and your resolution I hope is still going strong.

But you know pessimistic me.

I'm pretty darn doubtful that you're still on that bandwagon.

Look at me.

This morning I found out I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months

and now I'm fucking wasted on my living room floor writing this post.

(alcohol is chockerblock full of calories if yall weren't aware and were still trying to lose weight)

Yes I have a glass now and then but nothing like this. but I think I deserve this.

My rage is just soooo prominent it couldn't be denied.

I might even order food still.

Why not. It's not even 7 

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG!

But this post isn't about me. 

It's about you.

Your resolutions.

How you doing?
(And keep in mind I think resolutions are just setting yourself up for failure)

It's interesting how I can tell people are failing their resolutions.

January 4th. I was walking myself up to Royal Oak for the weekly sunday mosey that's about 40 minutes point A to B and then I have to go back. Bleh.

But on this January 4th (I'm not actually sure that was the day) It was a Sunday

A giant mob of neon colored runners went by me! 

Yeeeeess I thought to myself. There are all those resolutioners. Off to a good start on their goals to lose weight.

I nodded stepped aside and allowed them all to flock pass. It was quite a sight.

The next week. 

About half the number I came across. (20)  

And I thought hmmmm. maybe they run different routes every sunday. who knows

don't be so negative of other humans! at least they're trying.

BUT

as January dragged on. the number of people I encounter out walking twindle and twindle.

February 1st and we're pretty much back to the normal amount of runners as there was in Novemeber.

Now and then I see a new face and I'm like Koodos resolutioner! You got this.

But to the rest of yall that have decided to watch The Biggest Loser at home on the couch and feel better about yourselves by thinking man I'm so much better than those fattasses. 

I hope you walk by a mirror real soon and see for yourself the failure you've inflicted.

At least they're trying. 

Though in some totally insane weightloss competition which I don't believe is healthy at all.

I mean I'd love to lose 10 pounds every week but I know that an average of 2 is something to be proud of!

TAKE THE SMALL VICTORIES!!!!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Put down that cheesecake! Throw out that fondue! AND GET ON UP GET ON UP!!! (AVPS if you don't know what I'm talking about)

Also something that has really helped me is just walking with music.

I'm a very emotional person. 

I'm full of thoughts.

And sometimes it's really hard to keep yourself in line.

Go for a walk. Think it out. Breathe the fresh air.

Listen to Fall Out Boy! Seriously.

You'll feel great.

So if you've given up already.

I hope you can find the strength to keep going.

Next time you're walking up a hill instead of thinking about this steep incline in front of you.

Think about that cow at work you're always covering for. Curb stomp her with every step up that hill!

YOU GOT THIS!!!

 

Peace and Love

The Sassafrass

New Year New Me?

Honestly, and I don't want you to think I'm entering 2015 in a negative funk (much different then a positive funk that can make you feel like that new Bruno Mars song)

Totally positive here on the brink of a new year.

I just think this New Year New Me thing is stupid. 

Every day is a new day.

Every day is a chance to be a new you.

There's no reason you should have to wait for the 1st of January to start doing something with your life.

That's why I don't make New Years resolutions. 

If you really want to disappoint yourself. Go ahead make a resolution. 

You wanna lose weight? 

Well you haven't started yet, why is that?

Oh there were just so many good things to eat September through December.

Well I'm not disagreeing.

September is the start of pumpkin season. 

My favorite season.

Pumpkin Pie. Pumpkin Cheese Cake. Pumpkin tarts (small pies so we feel better about eating 5 of them) Pumpkin scones. Pumpkin Muffins and of course PSL! Pumpkin Spice Lattes!!

Yes it's hard to ignore such a delicious treat that only seems to come once a year.

And then October well.

If you're Canadian! Thanksgiving!

And on sale Halloween Candy.

And then November hits!

EGG NOG delicious beverage that only comes once a year!

If you're American. Thanksgiving! (Imagine if you're an american in Canada. You get two thanksgivings!) 

And then December

Christmas Hanukkah Chrismukkah for those OC die hards!!

Yeah there's a lot of food in there but you can still have it all in portions and continue to work out of whatever active people do. 

New Years?! Well yes that's a lot of alcohol to embibe! But as long as it's not an every day every week kind of life. A little alcohol here and there won't hurt you.

So basically fall through winter you've gone into hibernation cause you've decided not to fight the food battle. 

So you resolute.
New Year New You

but how long will that last? 

Until next fall maybe if you're lucky!

You wanna lose weight start when you think "hmmm I should lose weight."

You wanna go on a trip to a warm place but are short on cash? 

Get a savings account connected to when your paycheques come in so you don't even have to think about putting the money aside it does it for you.

So I guess what I'm saying is stop procrastinating.

You want a New You? 

Go out and make it happen!

Without the pressure of the New Years Resolution guilt constantly around your neck

Meet 2014

What?
You want a New Years post?
God you people are high maintenance and I'm telling you right now there can only be one high maintenance person in this relationship and it's gonna be me.
But since you requested so kindly I will give you a short little blip of the past present and future. All of which I know very little about.
Last year the resolution was STOP STEALING!
Yay what a good resolution. Now mind you I didn't steal big or important things like money more like little things like umbrellas from the library, which was easy cause I worked there, and tiny pumpkins...which you know were totally left out in the middle of no where...of course when I made the resolution not to steal it was after stealing one of those stupid porch christmas ornaments that people hang. like what is the point of those they infuriate me!
sooooo yeah. I basically succeeded I think. The only thing I stole this year was a pair of headphones I think which was more out of necessity since my ipods home button doesn't work and I need headphones to turn them on it was a dire situation!
What did I do with my New Years Eve? Wellllll while all the peeps of the world were running wild around the world doing ridiculous things and drinking and watching balls drop and what not. I was having the time of my life with Ernesta, Anita, P.Bob, and Sherona! We got drunk, me much more than them I believe, And had a Bob Ross painting competition! It was hilarious! Our paintings were fantastic and completely different from each others!

Anyways I don't know what you want! Do you want my resolution? I don't do resolutions because they're stupid and when people bring up the fact that everyone starts trying to self improve on the 1st of the month when they could start any time they wanted! Humans are dumb.

I guess my goal for the year is to:

1- avoid alcoholism! That's a must! Hopefully will be easier in the new year than it was through first term. But maybe not since I grad in May.

2-Not end up living under the Cambie Street Bridge after graduation cause who knows what happens to fine arts majors after grads

3-Figure out how to manage my boobs. They're getting a little unruly which means I can't hang around upside down without them falling out of my shirt...it is met with mixed reviews. Of course this means...I'll probably have to lose weight...don't hold me to that though I haven't lost weight in 6 years I'm not about to start really trying at 21 though maybe it'll be easier drinking fewer bottles of wines every week.

4-Get a job but isn't that a necessity and less of a goal.

So yeah there you go that's all I've got...

I'm going to go watch Super Fun Night and aim to be like Rebel Wilson/Queen Latifa/ANY SEXALENT-SASSY LADY YOU CAN THINK OF!

Mosey on world.