What?
You want a New Years post? God you people are high maintenance and I'm telling you right now there can only be one high maintenance person in this relationship and it's gonna be me.
But since you requested so kindly I will give you a short little blip of the past present and future. All of which I know very little about.
Last year the resolution was STOP STEALING!
Yay what a good resolution. Now mind you I didn't steal big or important things like money more like little things like umbrellas from the library, which was easy cause I worked there, and tiny pumpkins...which you know were totally left out in the middle of no where...of course when I made the resolution not to steal it was after stealing one of those stupid porch christmas ornaments that people hang. like what is the point of those they infuriate me!
sooooo yeah. I basically succeeded I think. The only thing I stole this year was a pair of headphones I think which was more out of necessity since my ipods home button doesn't work and I need headphones to turn them on it was a dire situation!
What did I do with my New Years Eve? Wellllll while all the peeps of the world were running wild around the world doing ridiculous things and drinking and watching balls drop and what not. I was having the time of my life with Ernesta, Anita, P.Bob, and Sherona! We got drunk, me much more than them I believe, And had a Bob Ross painting competition! It was hilarious! Our paintings were fantastic and completely different from each others!
Anyways I don't know what you want! Do you want my resolution? I don't do resolutions because they're stupid and when people bring up the fact that everyone starts trying to self improve on the 1st of the month when they could start any time they wanted! Humans are dumb.
I guess my goal for the year is to:
1- avoid alcoholism! That's a must! Hopefully will be easier in the new year than it was through first term. But maybe not since I grad in May.
2-Not end up living under the Cambie Street Bridge after graduation cause who knows what happens to fine arts majors after grads
3-Figure out how to manage my boobs. They're getting a little unruly which means I can't hang around upside down without them falling out of my shirt...it is met with mixed reviews. Of course this means...I'll probably have to lose weight...don't hold me to that though I haven't lost weight in 6 years I'm not about to start really trying at 21 though maybe it'll be easier drinking fewer bottles of wines every week.
4-Get a job but isn't that a necessity and less of a goal.
So yeah there you go that's all I've got...
I'm going to go watch Super Fun Night and aim to be like Rebel Wilson/Queen Latifa/ANY SEXALENT-SASSY LADY YOU CAN THINK OF!
Well well well! Look who's home in Maple Ridge.
Why yes it's me! Your most glorious and beloved leader.
Though I have only been in the actual city of Maple Ridge for a little over 6 hours my time back on the mainland has proven to be treacherous indeed. Only 2 days til the world ends you know.
Anyways.
So I got on the ferry yesterday morning expecting to see people I knew as the 2nd years had their final history exam on Monday but there were none. I was completely alone. So I enjoyed my time attempting to get a head start on my fiction assignment for writing next semester....but that didn't work I think I'm stuck on play mode....basically came out as a long monologue.
But I think I would very much like to write a story about the merpeople who live in the waters around the Gulf Islands...I think it would be smashing but then I am a little odd.
So I made it almost the whole ferry ride before I looked over and noticed these boys...these boys that seemed very familiar....but I thought nooooo why would I know these people they look like sciency types I wouldn't know them...
And then as we were about to dock I realized who they were. They were the boys from my night of drinking with Walt in his rez....and they looked over...and they obviously knew who I was...so I pretended not to see them.Quite embarrassing but they're first years so I think I will overcome it.
Oh lord and then I went clubbing for my friend Jude's birthday. I've decided that I quite dislike Vancouver clubs they're no fun, often ridiculously small, over priced and full of people I don't want to be around.
So a bunch of us went home early which was fine with me. And it would have been a fantastic night if Ernesta had just let us get chinese food! But she didn't! Because apparently it was a very classy place and we all looked like hookers! So rude!
And then the worst possible thing that could have happened happened late in the night/early morning....it started to snow....
Now Vancouver almost never gets snow. We're not used to it, don't know how to handle it. And it wasn't even forecasted but low and behold when I woke up this morning, first as per usual, and was bombarded by facebook pictures of snow covered cars and houses I rushed to the door! And there was about 15 cm of snow if not more which is TOO MUCH!
I think part of the reason I stay on the west coast is to avoid snow. And you can be certain that P.Bob, who was driving us all home is not an experienced snow driver.
She drives a very large blue ford taurus....not meant for snow...with all seasoned tires....which have probably never seen snow.
Naturally....we got stuck and the 4 passengers had to get out and push! Good lord we got wet! Poor Ernesta fell twice and it was definitely one of those moments I thought the car might roll backwards and flatten her. I would have been do upset without her in my life I'm glad this didn't happened.
We somehow managed to get onto the main road, mostly because this beige van waited patiently for us to get unstuck and held up traffic to let us in.
We passed many stuck busses and stalled trucks who were putting on chains. We had to go up this awful hill and this guy with his nice expensive car was laying down newspaper to try and get traction...needless to say it didn't work and the papers went flying.
Goodness me were we ever wet and a half. And we spent all day wet as we went for Ihop (You can never go wrong with restaurant coffee) and then went to see the HOBBIT!
I finally understand all these girls fangirling over the dwarves. They were quite attractive I must say.
And though my feet stayed wet for nearly 8 hours I have no regrets.
Welcome back to da ridge me!
ttfn
Well hello there internet.
In all honesty, I have no idea how one makes it through a night of drinking without dying or serious injury. True there are many who don't make it through the night and many who do and I am fortunate to be one of those who do....for several nights in a row.
Which is basically all I've been doing, what I was doing in my last 2 posts but I think we need a sober recap of the more important events on those nights.
December 6th! Twas my friend, Shenanigads birthday
She is a history major so we met at her house with many smart historical types and drank and played Cards Against Humanity which is like a more bad ass version of Apples to Apples. And we watched her get inducted/baptized in the traditional Dutch way to become a worthy owner of the Dutch card game Dutch Blitz....it was very strange but we supported her and were proud to have seen her come so far.
December 7th! SMUTCo PARTY!!
Smutco stands for Student Musical Theater Company which basically means of people who really really love musicals and are denied any form of singing in the Phoenix so they started their own club so each year they can do a review of sorts of their favorite songs. This year were doing classics like Cell Block Tango and America as well as new goodness like Let Me Be Your Star, 96,000 and other solo/mash ups. It's super awesome and we had a party for just us members but lots of people were already gone because it's exam week. But Lord Chase and myself were drinking heartily. It twas then decided that we be new best drinking buddies! After I was walking home and i thought I would take this shortcut that leads to a road with the same name as my road but they don't connect so I got lost. I was walking along and I saw this guy go sprinting across the road in front of me so I took out my pocket knife just in case...don't want to die. And he goes sprinting back across the road and sits in his car....it was creepy but he paid no notice to me and didn't stalk me home so I think he was a delivery guy...even though it was like 1 in the morning....
December 8th I took a little rest. It's hard being drunk so much.
December 9th! Alfred and I were together again!
After a very long day of work in the library Alfred brought me along to his friend Michael's birthday party...I've met him like twice....not awkward.
But before we could get there however I had a long bout of nose bleeding. It was awful and I never get them so I had no idea what to do! And his friend Pat, driving us there, wouldn't let me in the car until it stopped! It wasn't good. I just lied face down in the parking lot until it stopped because the pavement was cold. Not a good start....BUT THEN! I met this guy Nick while I was there and we were both drunk and we got into this massive conversation about Egg Nog and how freaking fantastic it is and all her friends always disagree! Turns out he had egg nog!...at his house....like a 20 minute walk away.
Now I hope you're all smarter than me and would never follow a random stranger you met at a party away from your friends because he promised you egg nog...it was no wise. But luck was with me and he was not a rapist! Just a friendly drunk who had egg nog. So we walked all the way to his house which was a fair distance and all the way back. Without a coat of course because drunks can't be bothered with trivial matters....got back to the party about 5am...it was definitely winding down. Luckily Alfred was still there,, quite worried that I had run off somewhere without my things and with some random guy but happy enough to see I wasn't dead.
Took some time off then...thought I might study for my writing exam but I didn't.
December 13th! WRITING EXAM!
So Lord Chase and I planned to go drinking after this exam and it's a good thing we did because it was a very bad exam. It called for shots. So we climb up mount Tolmie, get our glow sticks on start drinking. Are super drunk on the top of this mountain looking out at Victoria lights. We decide to get pizza and start walking back but instead of getting pizza from the caf, it's like 9:30, we order from this Beer and More to you door thing because His Lordship decides we need more alcohol, I was not opposed.
But we ordered wine....and I don't like wine...I can't drink it it's just so gross! But he insists we get a magnum...which when I ordered I thought was a brand or type....but it's a size!
A VERY LARGE BOTTLE OF WINE!!! ...and I still don't like wine...I ended up mixing it with pepsi to drink...cause I'm just so classy! It was also Antonio's birthday today so at midnight we sent him an e-card of our faces.
And possibly the silliest idea we had all night...was making a video for Jennifer Lawrence to tell her how much we love her....
Yes it was a solid night to be had....could have died I was so drunk but alas. Here I am still on earth and not even hung over!
Luck is my friend.
So how should you drink tons and not die?
Step 1: Drink all your alcohol really fast right away! You get super drunk super quick but as the night goes on you work it off so that by the time your ready for bed you're only slightly tipsy! (does not work for everyone)
Step 2: Drink with your friends! At least then, even if you're both super freaking wasted some one else will be there in the case of your death....
Perhaps step 2 should have been choose trustworthy friends to drink with....I trust my friends enough to call 911 before running off and hiding in the bushes.
Step 3: Tell someone where you are! (have you noticed these steps have no specific order?)
I always let someone know where I am. My drunk texting has become much worse though this year and I often hit 6 letters at once on my blackberry so it doesn't always work but as long as someone knows your drinking it's a good start.
I tried to tell Antonio about going for egg nog with Nick, and when I turned down the wrong street and got lost on the night of Smutco party but all he said was don't die and don't stab anyone not very helpful or sympathetic.
So maybe he isn't the best to tell.
I try to tell Aurora, if she's awake she's pretty good at deciphering or being worried which is always appreciated. I think she probably just sits there laughing and my incomprehensibleness.
Sometimes I text Gumpette about the cool things.
And generally Alfred knows in advance that I'm going out.
other than that sometimes I text who ever is near the top of my contacts list...like Pamela the other night...didn't tell her where I was or that I was drunk just that I loved her a lot.
These are the keys that I can give you.
If you wake up not dead then I can tell you to drink water. Eat salty things...or just hope there's food in your house....during show weeks there is never any food in my house. It's a shame.
Well good luck to all of you still writing exams, happy living to all of those who aren't.
Oh happy internet people!
Many weeks have gone by since I have had the pleasure of seeing Alfred.
Certainly we have chatted now and again on the facebook but we have both been terribly busy in our respective areas of study that we have not the time to see one another.
Alfred is graduating this year you see which means much homework for a biology/ psychology major and I'm simply not quick enough with my essay writing or studying to see him. This being. We haven't seen each other in almost 4 weeks!
Absurd for how much time he spends doing my dishes and keeping me on task.
Also, as I previously mentioned many posts back, he had ripped his back open on his little back trip to Tofino and has spent much of his time lying on his stomach healing.
BUT ALAS HE HAS RETURNED!!! Though suspiciously after I have done my own dishes....hmmmm.
Sadly I must go to work for 4 hours! An absurd amount! I know people with regular jobs are like "tis nothing!" but my 4 hours will be spent walking around the library and telling people not to eat and stop snoring even though it's exam week and they couldn't possibly do such things in the confines of their houses.
But! After work, we will party! Not that I need, as he takes the time to point out, any particular reason for drinking. After Friday night however I feel like many would agree.
If you remember many months back I mentioned my Front of House partner Antonio, he would certainly agree with my no longer needing to drink. A very long conversation about dragons and dangerous people on the streets. But alas, it is all in good fun and my favorite first year (we'll call him Walt) is fantastic company and together we make a grand couple of drunkards.
So yes, Alfred and I shall party tonight! Until then it's Love Actually time! I am happy!
Life is good!
I hope yours is too!
QUICK! In the tiny lull between my exams I will tell you a story!!!
Alright so the other night was my friends 20th birthday. And unlike when I turned 20 and cried in bed over my loss of adolescence my friend, she has not yet been mentioned so I will call her Eva because she is a huge WW2 fan and I'm just going to hope she doesn't find that offensive, was quite ecstatic to be turning 20. So we all moseyed on over to her place. Aurora and Gumpette were there. Eva's history major friends were all there. We watched her be initiated into Dutch Blitz (a fantastic card game which to my sadness we did not play). And played several rounds of Cards Against Humanity which is basically a better version of Apples to Apples.
So a little drunk I walked to the last bus that would take me downtown to the last bus that would get me home. It is very cold now in Victoria and I have yet to figure out how to properly dress for these weather temperatures but I will suffer through.
So there I was waiting Downtown for the next bus to come that would take me home and I'm sitting slightly drunk on a bench. I couldn't sing obnoxiously as I wanted to because there were these two guys standing close to my bench.
Across the street is this restaurant called The 5th Street Bar and Grill (which Aurora and I just went to tonight because it is delicious) but last year the restaurant had had a fire and was closed for many months which was really sad. It's almost midnight so last calls are going around I guess and these 2 guys come out of the restaurant to smoke...but I never saw them go back in...probably because I was drunk and thinking about more important things than how gross and stupid smoking is.
Next I look over and I see this flame near the side of the building...rather small at first and I'm watching it and it's getting bigger and I'm like OMG WHAT!
I look at the other 2 guys waiting for the bus and they're talking and don't notice this flame and I'm like...maybe I've been drugged? Maybe the flame isn't there...but it's getting bigger!
So I stand up to investigate.
I start towards the street watching this massive flame and I have no idea what it's coming out of but the guys also don't seem to take note that I've taken an interest in it...Another example of how little faith I have in humans? I think so.
So I start to cross the street to check this thing out and make sure the buildings not on fire...but then I see this body.
And I can't honestly tell you if it was a body or not but it definitely resembled a beige trench coat with a body in it and it was hanging just behind the flames.
I am stopped in the middle of the road staring at this body and this flame....and then I decide that curiosity killed the cat!
The flame was large but it didn't appear to be catching onto the building so I went back to my bench and waited for the bus...
The 2 guys continued to talk as if nothing had happened...they probably thought I was some homeless girl on drugs or something but I was not that drunk and I know I wasn't drugged....so my eyes must have been playing with my mind...and that is what I will continue to believe!
So there you go. That's kind of what I've been up to. There's more of course that I've been doing other than tests and studying but I have to edit my stage play and my friends are posting depressing songs on tumblr that are apparently good for me? I have strange friends.
Peace out!
Priscilla has made it quite clear how discontent she is that I have no been posting more frequently....It's like the girl's never heard of homework...
Though let's be honest I don't really have homework mostly just poetry!
My feeling on poetry is that if it doesn't rhyme you might as well just write a short story...unfortunately my beliefs don't rule the class syllabus so I actually have to write poetry...that doesn't rhyme...because apparently I suck at that....joy....
Whatever! I want to write plays! Poetry is for the faint hearted! Take that Emily Dickinson!
So we wrote drafts for these poems and got feed back and basically everything that I had wanted in my poems the T.A. told me I was crazy, my poem was bad and no I couldn't make my poems about the things I wanted them to be about.....so....write new poems?
I went to my actual teacher for some advice. One of them it made sense I was like ok I can do that....the other one in which I really wanted to portray the ocean as a kidnapper like with the undertow and stuff was apparently a cliche connection. I needed to turn this ocean into a sexual predator....and then somewhere hint in the poem that the child's step father sexually abuses her....
HAS ANYONE EVER WRITTEN A HAPPY POEM BEFORE!?!
I mean come on! All through high school poems were depressing, stories were depressing, if people weren't dying it wasn't going to be a best seller! I thought we could leave that behind in university...not that kidnapping is very happy but it's not as bad as such blatant ridiculousness!
I'm going to have a BF! (I've wanted to make White Chick references all week but no one ever gets them anymore!)
And I have to mentor the second mainstage this weekend/week! That's like 24 hours of my life and crucial homework time gone! I'm never going to get that back especially since a whole whack of stuff is due wednesday but all Saturday I'll be at the theater, then work, and then Sunday my work thought they were helping since I couldn't do my usual wednesday shift with this show they put me on Sunday afternoon too....I'm just going to lock myself in my house...Maybe I'll let Alfred come.
It's weird because I go for what seems like weeks without seeing him (that's what happens when you're in brain sciences and you're graduating this year) and then he comes over 2 days in a row.
Oh right I guess I should mention that it was Halloween this week, people that are reading in other countries I don't know if you have this ridiculous day. We in Canada/ America dress up as things and eat candy.
I was Sebastian from the Little Mermaid. --->
Our costumes were pretty spot on. Aurora was Ariel. She bought a spanx and sewed fabric shells onto her boobs and Priscilla was Flounder. We were the best....and yet we didn't win of the costume contests....But most importantly Alfred washed my dishes and cleaned up my couch in the living room! Wasn't that nice since all my spare time is spent writing blogs that I don't have time to keep my house clean...and the rest of that time is spent drunk at Halloween parties.
Whatever, tis a good life. He's still my BGFF (Best Guy Friend Forever) which I have to specify because Priscilla used to get upset when I would call him my BFF because apparently that's reserved forever....pft these kids just assuming their my favorites. Story of my life!!!
Let's be honest I gave him the fake name Alfred so that one day I could apply Batman/ Alfred pictures to my life. This is basically us!
Anyways in all seriousness I need to get in a depressed mode to write these dark creepy poems!
Ciao mi lovelies!<3
PS: the one who looks like Tintin still hasn't called, I think I'm safe...though I might have seen him in the library the other day.....Eep!
It has been a long lond day my friends! I know this!
And yers I write this I am drunk..A consequence of dealing with the ushers for so long! But it is closing which means I get to let go! Ever if i have to do opera homework tomorrow and then go over to Pricsilla's place for zombie make up times ato haunt the house again tomorrow. Sometimes mama alto/ sugarmama just needs a drinkl or a 6 pack is good too! THIS was my metdal for not killing Clark Kent! I have neem super nice to him alday! I get a drink!
And Drink I Did!
It has been a freat day, I conveinently cheecked out and then avoided all the men in the club....not a club the phoenix party! which is a good go cecilly! because i reuse to date men in the theater....just leads to toruble! toruble sucks! can't have that! Party recap!!!
So superman lost his pin! which emans he has to grant this girl 3 wishes! her first is that he clean her house....silly wish if you as me! can't trust a man to clean a house and she never said how well either! it could be his version of clean! silly child , yiu mudt think out the wording of your wishes! but she's got 2 more. I ho9pe she does mbetter and makes him really suffer!
I met some of his frat friends, they seem pretty nice. Guess I can't just! oh well they were more sober than we were which is danger man so dangerous!
I tried to play "Emma " aka gwenthyh Paltrow and set my friends up....lodn't think it worked ....at all....i odn't really care. she just asked me to put in a good word with him.....sigh people
Then of course theres all the people that come up and say mo matter what the uvic progeressors say i belong in the acting program....thanks....I'll keep that in mind....oh drunk people so good. Gota love em..
thane the cops showed up and I left....never going to chail. no way never no how.
and also my house was 3 blocks away! so I went home, ehear I am,,,,posting though I know I shouldn't I checked in with mamma/ butler Alfred to let him know that I got home safe as he wishesd. And DUH! I MADE QUAC! It's the one thing I can do drunk!
Night,
me and Nachos are going to go lie down!
