How to be Black by 27 White People

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
What a world I live in.
Well here's that first year welcome movie I said I'd upload

Anyways

So As you know I am in Skin of Our Teeth, basically because I'm black and I can sing.

That's fine. I knew that going in.

I had no idea what to expect from the director but whatever fly with it. 

And for a while it was going pretty well, there were a few awkward moments, a few hostile glances and mutters but we go on. 

Until last night

So we're supposed to be singing this gospelesque song and yeah it's probably the easiest. whitest. stomping john connors thing you've ever heard. And there's me getting all the flack for not setting the tone. 

Little did everyone know that they cast the whitest black girl in victoria to be in their show.

So instead of a nice little sing through the song rehearsal we had a long process of trying to get me into the right state of blackness. And instead of just having the 3 people who are most educated on this matter of black I've got 27 white people all giving me their input, telling me to sing out, feeeeeeeeel it, humming at me.

Well no shit it didn't get better. 

I left feeling pretty down. also having no idea who I am if I have any black spirit in me. 

So like all insane actors who for whatever reason dedicate themselves to the craft even when they feel defeated and alone....I researched.

I looked up every version of this god damn song I could find!

I put the best ones on my ipod! 

I WATCHED A QUEEN LATIFA MOVIE!!! (Joyful Noise. It's all about a Georgia church choir trying to win a singing contest lord it was perfect)

ALWAYS! Revert back to the queen! The black woman who reminds me that there are roles in the world for me! Even if I have to sing I don't care! I'll do it!

So I roll into rehearsal today, it was a really shit day. Spilt my coffee in my bag and ruined my pottery books and lord I had had it!

But I let it rip in rehearsal when it was my turn to sing....at least I thought so.

The members of the family on the other hand who had been blocked to stand and dance and sing with the rest of us decided they weren't going to stand unless they felt inspired............

EXCUSE YOU ACTOR! 

YOU ARE AN ACTOR!

DO WHAT YOUR FUCKING TOLD!

And while you're at it TRYYYYYYYYY not to insult the entire cast who is giving it there all around you!

Ugh I've never been so insulted but luckily I kept my cool

and instead of me giving them a good kick the movement master damn near ripped them a new one!

and all I could think was justiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Which is wrong of me. But for serious. 

I'm not inspired by the song and I have to sing it.

You can at least stand your lazy ass up and dance.

peace out Madea is calling my name.

First Year Party 2013

So you might remember last year when I posted this gem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66zRlxxWQxc
WELL IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN!!!
The first year party is TONIGHT!!
Yes, the plan is to make another video while getting unabashedly wasted....unfortunately I have rehearsal til 6, the party starts at 9...
That gives about 2 hours to make and post a video!
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!
Priscilla, Aurora and Yvette (2nd year friend) will be recording the song and then we shall film compile and conquer in record tim!!
I'm so excited yall you have no idea!!
But first....
to my 8 hour rehearsal...

There's No A in Bingo

Ah yes.
Well I am in a play this fall it's called The Skin of Our Teeth by Thorton Wilder and though it is causing me a lot of pain to write this post to you because I have not at all been gentle on my body today I just felt like this beautiful thing needed to be shared.
So at one point in the play I am a Bingo Caller and we're reading along and I come to A-5 C-26 the next girl goes C-4 B-49
And we carry on completely unphased.....
however if you know how bingo works.
The numbers match with the letters that spell Bingo!
.....
There is no A or C in Bingo....but we didn't even notice.
It wasn't until we read it the second time that someone pointed this out...and then apparently there are RULES to bingo?!
Did you know this I had no idea.
the things you learn in theatre school!
will write something more interesting later.

When Nuns Retire

Sooooo...
Remember way back when and I wrote that blog post about wanting to run off and become a nun?
I've changed my mind!
I've been learning a lot about nuns in the past month and let's get real. It's not for me.
First you have to like pledge yourself to God.
Then think about being a nun for like 4 years (one of those years you have to take a vow of silence!!!!)
Then you're like "yeah I still wanna be a nun"
AND THEN YOU MARRY GOD!!!!!!!
The whole reason I was going to join the nunnery was to avoid relationships!!
I don't want to get married to GOD!?!
Let alone spend a year silent...so that won't be happen.
Plus I just learned all about nun retirement.
Let me explain!

So as a theater department we have a props shop. And recently this beautiful living room set was donated, like the couches you would see in a Pride and Prejudice sitting room!
And I asked my Gumpette who works in props where it came from....And she said "A retirement home for nuns"
....
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT HERE PEOPLE!!
NUNS!
DON'T!
RETIRE!

They do not! you can argue it out with me but I've had a lengthy discussion with several people and it's just not done!
Being a nun is a full time job. Every breath. Every waking moment that these nuns are alive are dedicated to being nuns!
They pray. They walk around thinking about their husband God. They do the nunnery version of housework. You know working in the garden and cleaning tables and painting bedrooms and what not. And they do this until they die!!
Yes you're right... nuns get old just like normal people. But when this happens, the just go chill in the nunnery hospital or go to The Building Where Nuns Go To Die Home (or Nun Hospice my friend likes to call it) but this is by no means! In no way! A retirement home!!!
Believe you me those nuns are stillllllll praying! Until they kick it!

And this is why nuns don't retire:
THEY CAN'T!
Think about retirement. When most people retire they have a fair amount of money saved up, they get a pension, they wake up at home one day and just don't have to go to work. They might putter around their garden, sit on the porch and drink lemonade, and pretty much just live off their retirement money until they die or have to find a new job or go poor.
Nuns can't do that because they work for free! Or the love of God if you prefer. But they in no way make any money. They garden all the time, take time to do other things and pray some more.
But if the nun wanted to retire and decided to collect up her life savings and peace out to a home that doesn't exist outside the nunnery she'd have a pretty freaking difficult time! Let me tell you!
She has no money so she can't buy a house, can't buy food, has been gardening for hella eva! She'll be out on the streets in no time!
Which is why they keep you in the Nun Hospice when you're too old to garden so that you can pray in bed until finally you can 'retire' AKA DIE! and go hang out with God.
That's retirement! Finally getting to be with your husband after years of servitude.
(Sucks if you ask me)
And the only way you can stop being a nun is if you
A) get kicked out like Maria in The Sound of Music because she's too happy and sing songy to be in the nunnery they send her off to go become the mother of some captain's 7 kids.
B) Leave/Run away like Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story. Which  Walt assure me ends with Hepburn walking down an alley way and not going to hell for her betrayal.

So thanks no thanks.
I will deal with the idiots of the planet, continue speaking, and avoid nunneries.
They're just not for me.

Stress Fractures

Oh hey world,

Clearly I have no interest in being on top of things right now so I'll just post in my blog instead of doing those stressful things.

So the past few days I've been apprenticing at a theater here in Victoria. And you know how when you get a new job you feel like you should be doing something, proving your worth....but there's like literally nothing for me to do so I just kind of stand. FOR HOURS!

The other night was opening and there were all these opera people around. I will tell you now, opera audiences are the worst most snobby above anyone else audience people you'll ever meet. Yes they applaud wildly, they give the act of watching opera their all. But they can just be soooooo rude and snippity. Anyways, so for opening night I basically stood for 12 hours. In heels, flat heels mind you that are usually very comfy but on this occasion decided to take me out.

My feet feel like all those snooty opera goers looked at little apprentice me standing in the corner and went

over and over and over again.

So me and some smart dancer type people have concluded that I probably have stress fractures in my feet. I can't even begin to explain the pain. It's constantly throbbing and I've made sure to stand as little as possible today. 

I've taken to pushing myself around my basement suite by using only my heels on my rolling chair. I kinda look like this

Only I'm super tired so I'm going much slower and some of my floor is carpeting so I kind of just hit that and stop. I just want my feet to stop hurting, massaging them hurts, stretching them hurts, wiggling my toes hurts. Pretty much everything hurts them accept heat packs and bubble baths.

And it's like people know my feet are super messed up so they're going around making my life as difficult as possible.

I went on a field trip today for my first year english class...to the library...the place where I work. And this dreary man who really knew nothing about the library tried to educate me and then made me walk down and back up the flights of stairs! Naturally I went to my teacher before this tour and was like "oh hey I work here, please don't make me go on this tour!" and he was like "NOPE! We're gunna have fun!" But all we got were some nasty glares in the silent area.

It doesn't help that last night closing at the library this rude kid wouldn't leave and then I'm pretty sure was hiding and now I don't even know if he actually left after I thought he left. He could have just come back upstairs when I was on a different floor! 

AND IT'S SO RUDE! People have no regard for me as a human, they just have this stupid goal of staying in the library over night which I can't image would be any fun at all. So my feet hurt more and more.

Now I have to go find some comfortable shoes to wear for the rest of march for this apprenticeship so my feet don't break.

I also have a ton of homework I have no interest in doing and won't be doing because I'm going to bed as soon as I finish writing this. My milk is going to go bad tomorrow which means I have to get more

and it's all just too much!

I need a caregiver! My friend Monica seems to think I just need a boyfriend but in my experience they generally don't do anything of use when you need them. No I need a caregiver. Someone to wash my dishes and make me food and hell, straighten my hair for me because my arms are too tired to reach.

Maybe I'll go over to the nursing department and ask if anyone needs some work experience (unpaid of course)  It would definitely make my life easier.

Right now I feel like this

Night!

My Love is too Beautiful to Have Thrown Back in My Face

This post will not be happy because I am not happy.
It happens.
No, it's not because February is the month of depression. It's not because February is 'Black History Month' (which is bullshit I don't need brought up). It's not because I have to turn 21 in a week.
It's partly because of this movie For Colored Girls which is based off of this choreopoem play. I thought I knew pain before this movie but watching it feels like the slow tearing of your soul. Is it because I'm black that I can relate to this? No I don't think so because if you've read my other posts about my interactions with other black people you've probably picked up that I'm seriously white washed in many ways.
Something about women struggling, loss, abuse. It gets me.
If we're honest, this is the kind of thing I would have watched and then called Alfred over because I was in such a ridiculous state of sobbing...and he would have stood there going omg what do I do but with ice cream...
So I caved today and bought my own ice cream. I wasn't going to. I haven't bought ice cream since before christmas because it was egg nog flavored and I could not pass up that opportunity!
But yeah, I miss Alfred I guess. Which probably shouldn't be new info. Just a lot of things have happened in the course of a week. Just the craziest things that 1-make no sense, 2-shouldn't happen, 3-I have no desire to deal with.
So naturally I've been ignoring...most of these things.
One thing I'll tell you about I could not ignore.
My friend has been insisting that I go on a date with this guy from her office for sometime and since I no longer hang out with Alfred she decided it was time for a little blind date...and I guess I ran out of excuses not to.
He was a very nice guy, nice that he has an actual job, nice that he has his own place, and his own friends...but I still don't date. Nor do I want to. Which of course was really awkward to explain but he seemed to have taken it alright...my friend's definitely going to kill me though when she finds out. Hopefully she doesn't find out for a few days.
Luckily I still have Sergei, which you know I just realized I have never told you about. He is my best guy/gay friend, not that that's how I should identify my friends to people but...it's easiest...Jude would kill me if she knew. Anyways I'll call him Sergei because he's super into all things British and his regal ancestry but he was also Russian and very proud of that as well. Sergei seems Russian and regal so it'll do I think. Anyways, we've been hanging out because he's come to his senses recently and doesn't want to go into poli sci but is going back to Calgary next year so he's just taking whatever courses right now which means he has plenty of free time to spend with me...where we drink, gossip, and watch Poireaux (the agatha christie detective, it's super good) Saturday night was a friend's birthday so we got suuuuuuuper drunk and I ate a fondue bowl of chocolate. No regrets, chocolate is the best. And then my lovely boy made me food the next morning, just perfect.
So I guess I'm not totally miserable, still miserable but things have the potential to look up. I just have to stop watching this movie because I've watched it twice now and just thinking about it get's me crying. Like in the lobby today talking to this first year. She's all like 'omg do you need a hug' and I'm like 'no man I got this I just have to stop thinking about it' ...so I try not to think about it in public.
Walking around my house and sobbing profusely is safe though.
But really I just wanted to write this blog to thank the people I love and who are there for me, even the ones that don't realize they're there for me. I love you and thank you.

How To Drink Tons and Not Die

Well hello there internet.
In all honesty, I have no idea how one makes it through a night of drinking without dying or serious injury. True there are many who don't make it through the night and many who do and I am fortunate to be one of those who do....for several nights in a row.
Which is basically all I've been doing, what I was doing in my last 2 posts but I think we need a sober recap of the more important events on those nights.
December 6th! Twas my friend, Shenanigads birthday
She is a history major so we met at her house with many smart historical types and drank and played Cards Against Humanity which is like a more bad ass version of Apples to Apples. And we watched her get inducted/baptized in the traditional Dutch way to become a worthy owner of the Dutch card game Dutch Blitz....it was very strange but we supported her and were proud to have seen her come so far.
December 7th! SMUTCo PARTY!!
Smutco stands for Student Musical Theater Company which basically means of people who really really love musicals and are denied any form of singing in the Phoenix so they started their own club so each year they can do a review of sorts of their favorite songs. This year were doing classics like Cell Block Tango and America as well as new goodness like Let Me Be Your Star, 96,000 and other solo/mash ups. It's super awesome and we had a party for just us members but lots of people were already gone because it's exam week. But Lord Chase and myself were drinking heartily. It twas then decided that we be new best drinking buddies! After I was walking home and i thought I would take this shortcut that leads to a road with the same name as my road but they don't connect so I got lost. I was walking along and I saw this guy go sprinting across the road in front of me so I took out my pocket knife just in case...don't want to die. And he goes sprinting back across the road and sits in his car....it was creepy but he paid no notice to me and didn't stalk me home so I think he was a delivery guy...even though it was like 1 in the morning....
December 8th I took a little rest. It's hard being drunk so much.
December 9th! Alfred and I were together again!
After a very long day of work in the library Alfred brought me along to his friend Michael's birthday party...I've met him like twice....not awkward.
But before we could get there however I had a long bout of nose bleeding. It was awful and I never get them so I had no idea what to do! And his friend Pat, driving us there, wouldn't let me in the car until it stopped! It wasn't good. I just lied face down in the parking lot until it stopped because the pavement was cold. Not a good start....BUT THEN! I met this guy Nick while I was there and we were both drunk and we got into this massive conversation about Egg Nog and how freaking fantastic it is and all her friends always disagree! Turns out he had egg nog!...at his house....like a 20 minute walk away.
Now I hope you're all smarter than me and would never follow a random stranger you met at a party away from your friends because he promised you egg nog...it was no wise. But luck was with me and he was not a rapist! Just a friendly drunk who had egg nog. So we walked all the way to his house which was a fair distance and all the way back. Without a coat of course because drunks can't be bothered with trivial matters....got back to the party about 5am...it was definitely winding down. Luckily Alfred was still there,, quite worried that I had run off somewhere without my things and with some random guy but happy enough to see I wasn't dead.
Took some time off then...thought I might study for my writing exam but I didn't.
December 13th! WRITING EXAM!
So Lord Chase and I planned to go drinking after this exam and it's a good thing we did because it was a very bad exam. It called for shots. So we climb up mount Tolmie, get our glow sticks on start drinking. Are super drunk on the top of this mountain looking out at Victoria lights. We decide to get pizza and start walking back but instead of getting pizza from the caf, it's like 9:30, we order from this Beer and More to you door thing because His Lordship decides we need more alcohol, I was not opposed.
But we ordered wine....and I don't like wine...I can't drink it it's just so gross! But he insists we get a magnum...which when I ordered I thought was a brand or type....but it's a size!

A VERY LARGE BOTTLE OF WINE!!! ...and I still don't like wine...I ended up mixing it with pepsi to drink...cause I'm just so classy! It was also Antonio's birthday today so at midnight we sent him an e-card of our faces.

And possibly the silliest idea we had all night...was making a video for Jennifer Lawrence to tell her how much we love her....

Yes it was a solid night to be had....could have died I was so drunk but alas. Here I am still on earth and not even hung over!
Luck is my friend.
So how should you drink tons and not die?
Step 1: Drink all your alcohol really fast right away! You get super drunk super quick but as the night goes on you work it off so that by the time your ready for bed you're only slightly tipsy! (does not work for everyone)
Step 2: Drink with your friends! At least then, even if you're both super freaking wasted some one else will be there in the case of your death....
Perhaps step 2 should have been choose trustworthy friends to drink with....I trust my friends enough to call 911 before running off and hiding in the bushes.
Step 3: Tell someone where you are! (have you noticed these steps have no specific order?)
I always let someone know where I am. My drunk texting has become much worse though this year and I often hit 6 letters at once on my blackberry so it doesn't always work but as long as someone knows your drinking it's a good start.
I tried to tell Antonio about going for egg nog with Nick, and when I turned down the wrong street and got lost on the night of Smutco party but all he said was don't die and don't stab anyone not very helpful or sympathetic.
So maybe he isn't the best to tell.
I try to tell Aurora, if she's awake she's pretty good at deciphering or being worried which is always appreciated. I think she probably just sits there laughing and my incomprehensibleness.
Sometimes I text Gumpette about the cool things.
And generally Alfred knows in advance that I'm going out.
other than that sometimes I text who ever is near the top of my contacts list...like Pamela the other night...didn't tell her where I was or that I was drunk just that I loved her a lot.

These are the keys that I can give you.
If you wake up not dead then I can tell you to drink water. Eat salty things...or just hope there's food in your house....during show weeks there is never any food in my house. It's a shame.
Well good luck to all of you still writing exams, happy living to all of those who aren't.

EXAM WEEK: An Excuse to be Ugly!

We are so close my friends who are also in school.
Exam week is almost upon us. For UVic Monday is the last day of classes and then we can alllllll cry!
I have a paper and an in class test on Monday. Luckily the paper's not due til Midnight but I've been trying to write it forever!!
Last month I told myself I would have it done for the 20th which would give me like 2 weeks to fix it....the 20th came and I lay down. I said to myself THE 25TH! The 25th came and it was not done so I lay down some more.
Now it is December 1st!
What should happen on December 1st? I should have an advent calendar in my hand for one! I do not!! Misery has overcome me for my lack of cheap, wax chocolate.
Happily though it was the Phoenix Coffee House last night which is basically a giant talent show for all the theater students....because we like to show off just that much more! (What can I say, we're attention seekers)
I did not perform. I did 2 things last year and it's just so much nicer to sit in the audience, drink and watch everyone else. No need to worry about going and falling down because you're drunk...yes we drink shhh.
The 4th years do a board sketch which is a voice over as they walk up to the announcement board...many poop jokes....very strange.
I think the bests part of the night was when this girl gave me a kinder surprise! and it wasn't one of those lame ones that I got all summer! It was awesome! I made a bird! Maybe I will take a picture and show it to you sometime. It can't stand because I dropped the feet under the bleachers and then didn't go back for them.
I was in so much pain yesterday because I accidentally exercised. Yes you can exercise by accident.
My french class ended an hour early so I figured I could do splits, hide in the change room during dancer physique and then do pole dancing but somewhere in there my timing was off.
I got all ready to do splits and the teacher just decided we weren't going to do splits. Just the dancer physique class! She turns on this off mashup remix 2 hour playlist of pop music! It drives me batty but I just know that I'm in dancer physique and it's too late! I can't run away! I'm all set up! She knows I'm there! If I ran for my life she would find me! So I stayed!
An hour and a half of intense toning exercises. The class makes me want to vomit because it mostly focuses on legs and core and I don't have core. My core is my stomach and my stomach doesn't want abs.
So I cried.
And then I did pole and I cried some more! Pole is supposed to be fun! Not excruciating pain!
Naturally when I woke up the next morning movement was not an option. But I had no choice! I had to go school second years on how to talk to rude people which I know nothing about! I am all about the retaliation! But I suppose the basics are good to know even if you are unable to put them into effect.
But of course after all that I am HIDEOUSLY UGLY!
I washed my hair because it was gross but my arms hurt to much to hold above my head to straighten my hair again and I didn't have time yesterday and now I'm supposed to be writing this essay!
I am going to be ugly for the next week! At least! Maybe longer depending on how gross I get running around on front of house during the Ride the Cyclone run while working at the library.
Cry time, time for cries.
I just want to lie down some more but i really have to get this essay looking coherent by Monday...seems impossible.
Also I have to study for this opera test but the kid who wants to study is not responding to my texts. That is unacceptable I'm not going to study for it by myself. That's just foolish.
Siiiiiigh.
Welcome to December.
Welcome to the end of the world. (20 days for all you crazy people who are super worried about dying virgins)
No we're not going to talk about my opinion of stupid people who try to fine their raison d'etre in relationships now. I have enough of that in Miss Saigon.
Though I just want to say that VOS is doing Miss Saigon in the spring. And I know I'm not the skinniest asian you're going to find since I'm not skinny and I'm not asian but I can work a pole! There are strippers in Miss Saigon! Lord! PLEASE! Let me be a call girl!
That's all I ask!
Anyways,
Back to essays.

Pride and Prejud-ex?

What up world!
I know shame on me! I have not posted in such a terribly long time....though it doesn't seem so terribly long on this blog thing but I feel like weeks have gone by I've been so busy at school....ugh school!
And no this is not another blog about how stupid and childishly rude Matt is. I just thought the title might amuse Miss Priscilla.
As we were walking to the dreaded french class, in which I am supposed to draw comparisons between french people and the normal world (which is quite difficult as they do try their darnedest not to be above normal humans), I noticed the sad one walking towards us. I do think the only way he'll be able to walk past me on his own is if he suddenly loses his sense of sight or if I disguise myself as a white man. Anyways, I'm sure you can guess what happened. As per usual, he saw me quickly turned sideways and RAN! So unskilled, he really needs to learn how to just melt into a crowd or something. But naturally I was offended once again, though I didn't yell his name like I swore I would, I just muttered about it and Priscilla! Oh the poor child wants to see Matt in action so terribly but alas he eyes were not on guard. Maybe next time Priscilla.
Oh lords, life has been so busy. I have been mentoring you see, the young tadpoles who must front of house manage the 2nd main stage. Tedious work I must say, though the show is quite enjoyable for Brecht  I can not say it has been going smoothly.
The first night of Previews the drink fridge alarm went off! It's one of those things that you learn about in 205 class but just pray and hope and swear that it won't happen to you. It has never happened to me but they filled up the cooler very full. I asked "does the door shut properly?" "yes" was the reply....10 minutes later I'm in the box office going over some things and this awful, very loud, high pitched, alarm goes off! AND YOU JUST KNOW IT'S THE FRIDGE!!!!
The problem is that you're not actually taught in the class what to do if the alarm goes off....so I tell the box office girl to call our teacher! The marketing woman runs out and says "I'll you have to do is lock it!" ....that is not going to help anything. I tell one of the girls I'm mentoring to take out the first row of cans so that it can close properly. Like 3 minutes of this awful sound before the theater production, boss, manager guy comes storming out of his office and smacks the defrost button on the top of the fridge to get it to stop....I swear to god he hates me, every time something goes wrong in front of house I'm the one there.....Tears!
So the next preview! Everything's going fine, it's mostly students, everyone is pleasant....The parking ushers radio in saying that this man's credit card is stuck in the parking machines....Now we have no control of the parking machines, campus security is in charge of all that none sense and when things go wrong you have to call an outside company to fix the machines and then we have to pay for that even though we don't get money from the machines.
So I go get this man and bring him to the Phoenix thinking he's a patron, he is not but he is an super mad douche bag!
I choose to ignore him and let him deal with campus security....BECAUSE THE FLOOR IN THE WOMAN'S WASHROOM HAS DECIDED TO BLOW UP! It's like the sewer water place and when too many toilets are flushing it has a little melt down and spits it up through the floor drain....it was awful!
All of this of course was forgiven by Opening Reception for which kids make food and decorate platters for audience. OOOOOOO and the PUNCH! Delicious!

But better than that is getting to take home the left over food! I'm currently still eating a spinach bread bowl as I write this and believe me it is super good! Yeah that very bowl in the picture.....life has never been so sweet.
And also it's now EGG NOG latte time at Starbucks which just makes everything freaking fabulous! and today I didn't have any classes and I had no reason to go to school so Alfred brought me one on his way home because I've been having FOH struggles. He knows this because for both previews I just went to his house afterwards and cried on his floor.....which he probably wasn't fond of because he's working on his very important projects and papers that will allow him to graduate this summer. (TEARS) But he didn't send me away! He gave me ice cream and nodded his head and sometimes mumbled mhm as I blubbered away on the floor.
He is definitely the greatest friend I could ever ask for! He doesn't even try to stop me from watching Pride and Prejudice though it's always on when he comes over and I'm sure he's tired of it....It's educational....whatever I couldn't live without him.
I think this post was actually really lame but whatever it's my blog so you can just deal.
WHAT!

Ex-Factors

You know world, I did a really good thing today. Like a really really good thing, I saved someone a whole lot of trouble....though they may not have been of deserving intelligence so why do cruel reminders pop up when you're feeling good about yourself?
Let me explain the events of my day:
Today I had to attend the safety talk for the Fall Mainstage that started around 11:30 (funny enough there was a fire alarm in the middle of the tech run that followed) which meant that I had to get up a whole hour earlier than I was planning to for a run that wasn't supposed to start til 1pm. And really my only purpose was to explain timed note taking to the girls that will be front of house managing this show because I'm their mentor (WOE IS ME!)
Anyways so I left my house, worried that I would miss my bus (Turns out the schedule was wrong and there is no bus at that time anyways) when there I see in the running gutter water a wallet.....with hundreds of cards in it....And I think to myself: Cecilly, you are a good person. You should return this girl's wallet! Imagine how worried she must be! She'll have to call all of those cards to cancel them! It's only 11 if you're lucky she's still super drunk and passed out and hasn't done that yet!
So I was a good person, I took the wallet with me to school so I could contact her...only her phone number was not in the wallet...personally I think you should always have your phone number in your wallet! I google the address on her drivers license...it's over in Gorge that's almost an hour long bus ride from my house! I don't have time for that! So me and the 2 other girls I'm mentoring begin calling the customer service numbers on the back of all these cards. Of course it's a weekend so many of them were closed...way to go customer service...
I know you're sitting at home reading this and thinking god Cecilly it's 2012 just facebook that girl! WELL I TRIED!!! But she had the most plain jane name! There were hundreds of her, many didn't look like her, most were from the other side of the world!
I finally got in touch with her credit card people and told them what happened to which they said: "Oh thank you for telling us we'll be sure to contact her have a nice day" and hung up.....excuse me lady...but you didn't take my number...how is she going to be able to find the person that has her stuff without that info...I may have just gotten her credit card canceled....OH WELL! DON'T LOOSE YOUR STUFF!!!
Basically it came down to calling the La Senza at the Bay Center (A mall downtown) because customer service is closed, begging the nice girl for her membership phone number, breaking the privacy policy at La Senza and getting her number....BUT OF COURSE SHE WOULD NOT ANSWER THE PHONE!!
Ridiculous, you would think, no matter how drunk you were last night, that you would have your phone on when you've lost your wallet.....I called her about 6 times. Finally she turned her phone on and answered!
The problem? She didn't know where she was....how do you not know where you are? According to your drivers license you have lived in Victoria for at least 3 years and you don't know where you currently are? AND THEN SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE UVIC WAS!? WHAT?! ridiculous. More ridiculous is that where she was is still a 15 minute drive by car from my house and where her wallet was...How did your wallet end up outside my house! W
Whatever, I gave the crazy child directions and left it with the box office and then went out in the rain because of this fire drill....
I kid you not the world wants me to die!
So then! I'm feeling pretty good about my good deeds and what not. Girl got her wallet back and all her gift cards. Didn't have to cancel anything. I have work in an hour so I figure THAI FOOD! The only worthy treat! I even got to go with Gumpette who I almost never see anymore! It was going to be totally awesome!
But no, who would be outside of Fairway? Why none other than my least favorite human. You know he really brings it on himself. I wanted to be normal and friendly but no! Several times he has seen me and I KNOW he has and he has run away! That's PATHETIC! So I see him, he sees me avoids my eyes and runs into Fairway with his girlfriend (I assume it's his girlfriend) even though I was mid-wave. Whatever I didn't want to be nice anyways.
So I order my thai food and we're walking to cobs because Gumpette has it in for tasty bread and there he coming around the corner with what I can only assume are his 7 other roommates. (How awful would that be to have 7 roommates!)
He TRIES TO LOOK AWAY BUT I'M LIKE HELL NO!
So I very politely say Hi Matt. And yes I'm using his real name because he really doesn't deserve the decency to have his identity hidden. I can see him thinking about ignoring it but he says Hi...and runs away with his army of music kids.
I'm just freaking livid! but also Why do I care! Gumpette even said you can do so much better and I have. I had done better before I even dated him!
Even the drug dealer with the dog collar and chain in gr. 8 was better looking and a better boyfriend than him!
So I guess you're wondering why I settled for the bottom of the barrel.
Low self-esteem! And never again will I find myself in such a state of self loathing and misery and loneliness! Going into grade 10 everything was wrong and worthless but along comes this gaped toothed bag of douche who likes to sing (though his voice makes my ears cringe) and tells me I'm beautiful? Of course I fell.
Even when I found out what terrible humans he and his family are, even when he told me there was no point in staying together if we weren't getting married, even when he called me stupid and got me the most inconsiderate/insulting/insincere gifts or else told me that someone who realized how shitty his gifts were made him get something a little more heart felt I didn't leave him.
Why?
Fear probably. I remember when he told me he never wanted to leave Maple Ridge and that we might as well break up if marriage wasn't the result of our dating. Part of me was so mad and disgusted that this was the ultimatum but we didn't break up. I stayed with this jerk for a year, trying to convince myself that maybe one day I could marry him because what if no one else wanted me. Such bullshit. Of course I had my own faults in the relationship but I like to believe they were my passive aggressive attempts at payback for how low he made me feel.
Then one day he made the mistake of telling me that I was only one of 2 girls he had considered dating before he settled on me. The other was my very close friend, way out of his league, light years above me in looks but of course he realized she would never choose him when she had dozens of better looking boys throwing themselves at her feet. So he settled for me.
I think being told you're second best by someone you trust and think you love is about the worst feeling you can experience.
Today after watching the Good Person of Setzuan I was mad that Shen Te always goes back for Yang Sun even though when she's disguised as a man she can see clearly that he doesn't love her. My friend asked me had I ever been in love. I would like to think so but I guess that answer means no. But even if I haven't been in love I've experienced something like what Shen Te must have felt. Knowing one thing but ignoring it for another.
Yeah I would like to throw things at Matt. I won't but I'd like to, I might swear at him next time I see him alone.
The point of all this is that even though I'm really awesome now I wasn't always and I've learned a lot over the years that you can't let other people get to you. But you can let them pump you up! Which is why Alfred is over to kiss my feet and remind me why I deserve to rule the world. He's also agreed to watch Pride and Prejudice (though I think he's making fun of Kiara Knightly inside his head).
Whatever!
Stay strong readers!
You might get lucky and become stellar like me! <3

ps: if you're currently with an asshole and you think you're in love and that's making you irrational give me a call. I'll come straighten out his attitude!

POOPY LADY 2012!

Alright kiddies,
I will now impart upon you the struggles of being a front of house manager. I hope you're comfortable.

Let's start with yesterday when I survived 'Poopy Lady', the nickname of possibly the most troublesome Phoenix patron....I suppose I have to tell you how she got the nickname....

WELL!! A long very long time ago she came to see a show. Now she is a very old woman, should not be driving but she does and I have yet to hear any reports of her killing people. This lady has really really really bad arthritis. Her hands barely moved and her fingers are all curled inwards so she can't really pick anything up. So one day all those years ago she arrived late to a show (She is always late even though the shows have always started at 8) and she insisted that she must go to the bathroom.
From there we are a little lost as to the events but we assume that she did not actually sit down on the toilet but sort of squatted and went to the bathroom....but she missed and there was poop all over the floor. Naturally a terribly embarrassing incident but she tried to remedy it but picking it off the floor....only to kind of smear it around the stall instead because her hands don't work properly.
All speculation mind you we have no idea what truly happened other than a stall covered in poop was discovered shortly later.
So we seated this woman and started the show but all these people kept coming out and complaining about the smell in the theater. Turns out there was poop all down her pants and she wreaked. she got it all over the theater seat as well and they had to like steam dry clean it or something I don't really know of the story behind the seat.
Thus giving her the name, Poopy Lady. Remember this did not happen to me thank goodness!

However last night, it is 8 pm and the stage manager is just doing her last minute call when i see this very slow moving mass coming towards me from the parking lot....I JUST NOW IT IS HER! and as they got closer IT WAS! I had this second year shadowing me, she was kind of excited...that changed fast.
So they're already late, then she can't find her ticket because her hands don't work and she's kind of just scooping things out of her purse. And then her friend, who's not a very good friend just abandons her and runs off to sit down! This woman moves at about snail speed, that is not exaggerating that is fact!
I've got my ushers helping her into the theater and she's hacking! (well like quiet hacking but a soft equivalent of death) and she's spitting up into these napkins! We just make it to the theater door and she's like "I need more napkins!" and i'm like oh god! So I send my usher to get more paper towel from the bathroom and I begin helping her down the steps to her seat. WHY IS THIS WOMAN IN THE FRONT FREAKING ROW! Because her friend likes it there of course! Just freaking rude, no consideration for anyone else.
So I finally get her down and into the seat, hand her more tissue and start the show. Only 10 minutes late which is good considering most of her incidents start 20 minutes late.
All is well I count everything, all adds up I'm happy. Show gets out everyone is happy I am happy.....then stage management comes on the headsets asking for a manager to come into the theater and check on this woman. One of my ushers comes running out and is all freaked out by this woman who appears to be dying. I think to myself "HELL NO! If she's going to pick today to die! I'm bringing Sandra (boss lady) with me!" So I do. She's not dying.....just coughing and spitting everywhere.
They insist that they don't want the rest of their seats for the season changed they just enjoy causing trouble in the theater. And then PL insists on stopping to eat some chocolate to help her cough....that's not how it works crazy!
Takes about 20 minutes to get her out of the theater alone, and we're doing a sweep when the girl I've been mentoring comes up and tells me that there's a pile of wet napkins where she was sitting and a really wet cloth......NOOOOOO! GROSS!!! But there's literally no one else I can get to do it!
So I had to go into concession, grab some gloves and a plastic bag and go clean up this drool mess!
I. WANTED. TO. BARF! it was just awful, thank god it didn't smell or anything but like SERIOUSLY! That's not acceptable! Stay home! You shouldn't be driving anyways!
Then I came home and cried because I had no milk (Alfred drank it all) and I was scarred for life by the feeling of wet, squishy dish cloths.

Then of course tonight, Clark Kent once again failed to become Superman and decided to just not show up. SIGH! Unimpressed! Along with discovering other problems where Antonio messed up! And then I ended up with 5 dollars over the amount we should have had. But I'm pretty sure we'll find it tomorrow. I really shouldn't have put Mr. Kent's replacement in the concession, she's just not all there in the head.
Oh well.

I'm super tired and Alfred brought me more milk so I'm just going to have hot chocolate, a message and watch Shrek. Then to bed I go!
Love you followers
Night.

My Poetic Week with Zombies and Books

Ola oi oi readers!
It's been almost a week since my last post, what blasphemy. And Priscilla is just super peeved at me for not posting because apparently she's my number one fan.
So I'm going to make a post though I have no idea where to start because so much stuff has gone down in the past week! Let's give it a go!
I'm just going to start with today and work backwards, maybe make more than one post, see how we do.
Well readers I guess I should start with the tragic news that I am in fact dead and my ghost has returned from the dead to give you this post.
Yes in motherland Victoria, where the earthquakes aim to kill we had an earthquake drill today. Unfortunately I was too busy spewing out every last fact I know about musicals from the 1700's-1960 in my commercial theater midterm. So due to the size of the quake, the 40 year old Phoenix building has been leveled, taking an entire class of hopeful historians with it. (Lies I would never want to waste my life reviewing archives of 1890 productions.)
It's not that much of a loss really. It just means that I won't have to edit the terrible poem I handed in for writing this morning.
WHY DO POEMS EXIST!?! I really feel like someone way back when was just a really bad story teller so he strung together a few images with rhymes and was like voila my piece d'existance! and every one was like c'est qoui ca? Ce n'est pas un histoire!
and this guy who of course was pretentious as all hell because he's a poet AND FRENCH! was like no no it's a poem! It's like a story but better!
And all the french went hmmmmmm...oui! J'accept!
Because the french, though critical are all accepting of anything that is wholly french. And yeah poetry is probably a Greek thing in actuality but if the french are good at it they will claim it as their own. (We had french students come to speak to us today in french, can you tell I'm still not interested in french culture I should really quit)
I have a story about front of housing this show but I will save it for another post.
My job at the library is going decently, telling people what they can and can not do is going very well. I feel it is an area in which I truly excel.
I was walking around and there were a lot of people eating apples yesterday which is so frustrating because you can't save apples so they just throw them in the trash where they rot over night and attract fruit flies. I just wish people would accept that they need to eat other places. ANY OTHER BUILDING ON CAMPUS WILL ALLOW YOU TO EAT IN IT!! Also you can check books out and the library isn't even that comfy! So freaking ridiculous it makes me growl!
So I'm walking around yesterday and there are rooms you can book for you and your friends to talk openly and write on boards and stuff BUT NOT EAT IN! I see this room with 3 girls and this one guy and they have like chinese food take out dishes on the table. It was all eaten but I still have to tell them.
So I open the door and very politely say "we have a no eating policy in the library," all the girls of course apologize because tis what girls do. But this boy interrupts me "There's no food now so it's fine" and I just gave him my very best 'bitch please do not fuck with the black lady just doing her job' look. All the girls in the room were looking at this guy like she's going to kill you shut your mouth. And very curtly I say "well next time you'll know better and that you can't eat food in the library." and then I closed the door so I didn't have to deal. muahahahha!
Not as good as Tuesday though. I'm walking around and there's this guy eating up on the very top balcony floor area and people have the silly habit of just bringing it out as I'm walking by. Don't even wait to try and hide it. sad humans are sad. So there's this guy and he's eating so I do my little spiel and of course he was unhappy to be caught so he tried to be snappy.
He says "don't you ever get tired of nagging people?"
To which I laugh because it's one of my greatest skills. I tell this guy, "well I'm not going to get married and I"m not going to have kids so I might as well get it out somewhere." <---SASS! 
He put his food away and I didn't catch him again. I like to think that some people are just so impressed by me that they respect me. Or are so scared I will start shooting throwing stars out of my eyes that they keep it to themselves.
Anything else important?
I volunteered at this farm where they do a haunted house and I was a zombie with Priscilla, that was pretty cool. Though I have seriously injured my feet. I don't know if I pulled all the muscles in the top of them or what but so much pain going on down there.

Here's me as a zombie with Priscilla.

Tada c'est ma vie!
I'll post about meeting poopy lady tomorrow I am tired now.
C-Dawg!