When Nuns Retire

Sooooo...
Remember way back when and I wrote that blog post about wanting to run off and become a nun?
I've changed my mind!
I've been learning a lot about nuns in the past month and let's get real. It's not for me.
First you have to like pledge yourself to God.
Then think about being a nun for like 4 years (one of those years you have to take a vow of silence!!!!)
Then you're like "yeah I still wanna be a nun"
AND THEN YOU MARRY GOD!!!!!!!
The whole reason I was going to join the nunnery was to avoid relationships!!
I don't want to get married to GOD!?!
Let alone spend a year silent...so that won't be happen.
Plus I just learned all about nun retirement.
Let me explain!

So as a theater department we have a props shop. And recently this beautiful living room set was donated, like the couches you would see in a Pride and Prejudice sitting room!
And I asked my Gumpette who works in props where it came from....And she said "A retirement home for nuns"
....
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT HERE PEOPLE!!
NUNS!
DON'T!
RETIRE!

They do not! you can argue it out with me but I've had a lengthy discussion with several people and it's just not done!
Being a nun is a full time job. Every breath. Every waking moment that these nuns are alive are dedicated to being nuns!
They pray. They walk around thinking about their husband God. They do the nunnery version of housework. You know working in the garden and cleaning tables and painting bedrooms and what not. And they do this until they die!!
Yes you're right... nuns get old just like normal people. But when this happens, the just go chill in the nunnery hospital or go to The Building Where Nuns Go To Die Home (or Nun Hospice my friend likes to call it) but this is by no means! In no way! A retirement home!!!
Believe you me those nuns are stillllllll praying! Until they kick it!

And this is why nuns don't retire:
THEY CAN'T!
Think about retirement. When most people retire they have a fair amount of money saved up, they get a pension, they wake up at home one day and just don't have to go to work. They might putter around their garden, sit on the porch and drink lemonade, and pretty much just live off their retirement money until they die or have to find a new job or go poor.
Nuns can't do that because they work for free! Or the love of God if you prefer. But they in no way make any money. They garden all the time, take time to do other things and pray some more.
But if the nun wanted to retire and decided to collect up her life savings and peace out to a home that doesn't exist outside the nunnery she'd have a pretty freaking difficult time! Let me tell you!
She has no money so she can't buy a house, can't buy food, has been gardening for hella eva! She'll be out on the streets in no time!
Which is why they keep you in the Nun Hospice when you're too old to garden so that you can pray in bed until finally you can 'retire' AKA DIE! and go hang out with God.
That's retirement! Finally getting to be with your husband after years of servitude.
(Sucks if you ask me)
And the only way you can stop being a nun is if you
A) get kicked out like Maria in The Sound of Music because she's too happy and sing songy to be in the nunnery they send her off to go become the mother of some captain's 7 kids.
B) Leave/Run away like Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story. Which  Walt assure me ends with Hepburn walking down an alley way and not going to hell for her betrayal.

So thanks no thanks.
I will deal with the idiots of the planet, continue speaking, and avoid nunneries.
They're just not for me.

Get Me To a Nunnery!

So guys, I've been thinking and yes. It's time.
Sign me up for the Nun Life!
Now I know what you're thinking, Cecilly you can't just run off and join a nunnery!
...Well yes I did think that and then people started explaining me all the steps that it takes to become a nun I think so that I would not become a nun...
Apparently you have to show up and chill there for 3 years just thinking about being a nun and decided if it's right for you. Then you've got to give up all your things and spend a lot of time thinking of god and praying...and then after like hundreds of years of nunhood you and god can get married...
Or something like that...
But you know I'm pretty dead set in this nun thing so I think I can just skip all those things and go straight to being a nun...I suppose I could marry god too if I really must but I don't particularly feel like sharing my husband with millions of other nuns...that's just creepy.
But I'mma do it and here's my reasons why!
1-I've decided I'm not mentally able to cope with the loss of my best friend and solid rock. No, Alfred's not dead. But he's gone off to date this crazy chick Cathleen who you know I don't actually hate but is super possessive of her man and hates me.
Understandable because as most women who enter relationships, the child has gone out of her mind and obviously sees me as a threat to the fused entity that is them by having Alfred as my friend. Needless to say I have been very upset over all of this though I absolutely see where she's coming from Alfred was still my best friend. I told that kid everything, I can't count the number of times he has dealt with my hysterics, brought ice cream when I need cheering up, sat through Pride & Prejudice (BBC and Kiera Knightly versions). I don't know how I would have stayed sane the past 3 years of university without him...but I guess I'm going to have to find out...and now I have to wash my own dishes which sucks.
But seriously sadness which I'm accepting.
2-I think I am a victim of harassment ? Maybe? Yeah remember those guys from my last post? The black guys at the library and one of them asked me out?
Well now they've both asked me out like the one guy needed to prove he was better than the other by getting me to say yes. I have no said yes I just walk away from them now! And they're super creepy! I'm always really careful when I'm patrolling the library cause I don't want to see them and usually they're on the first floor....but they've been getting sneakier!
They're studying in different  places all the time so I'll think I'm safe and bam there they are on the 3rd floor! And they always try to talk to me, ask me how my day was. It's not friendly it's creepy. But it's not like terrible yet...they haven't tried to follow me home...
And if they try and touch me I will just break their fingers and that will be that.
3-All the guys I know as a whole have just been too touchy lately....maybe it was just drunk me being hyper aware of people passing by me but just all the hands and the limbs and then these two guys who I've never seen before out of no where! Telling me and my drunk friend who I'm trying to help that we should kiss? NO  THANK YOU RUDE DOUCHE! So men are out and even though all these girls keep wearing red lipstick around me and I find them super attractive I have no interest in dealing with lady problems and I have no intention of taking those ladies away from the other men and women that do wanna deal with them.
4-If you don't send me to a nunnery I'll be forever lost in a sea of cute sloth gifs and videos. At least in a nunnery there's no internet just lots of reading and praying and singing! My life will not be wasted on those things if I'm in a nunnery!

Come on guys you know you wanna pay my entrance fee!!!!
So yeah basically I'm off to sing about hills alive with music in an Austrian nunnery because I miss my friend, I hate boys, boys are pigs, and sloths have taken over my world!
Seems legit right?

Pride and Prejud-ex?

What up world!
I know shame on me! I have not posted in such a terribly long time....though it doesn't seem so terribly long on this blog thing but I feel like weeks have gone by I've been so busy at school....ugh school!
And no this is not another blog about how stupid and childishly rude Matt is. I just thought the title might amuse Miss Priscilla.
As we were walking to the dreaded french class, in which I am supposed to draw comparisons between french people and the normal world (which is quite difficult as they do try their darnedest not to be above normal humans), I noticed the sad one walking towards us. I do think the only way he'll be able to walk past me on his own is if he suddenly loses his sense of sight or if I disguise myself as a white man. Anyways, I'm sure you can guess what happened. As per usual, he saw me quickly turned sideways and RAN! So unskilled, he really needs to learn how to just melt into a crowd or something. But naturally I was offended once again, though I didn't yell his name like I swore I would, I just muttered about it and Priscilla! Oh the poor child wants to see Matt in action so terribly but alas he eyes were not on guard. Maybe next time Priscilla.
Oh lords, life has been so busy. I have been mentoring you see, the young tadpoles who must front of house manage the 2nd main stage. Tedious work I must say, though the show is quite enjoyable for Brecht  I can not say it has been going smoothly.
The first night of Previews the drink fridge alarm went off! It's one of those things that you learn about in 205 class but just pray and hope and swear that it won't happen to you. It has never happened to me but they filled up the cooler very full. I asked "does the door shut properly?" "yes" was the reply....10 minutes later I'm in the box office going over some things and this awful, very loud, high pitched, alarm goes off! AND YOU JUST KNOW IT'S THE FRIDGE!!!!
The problem is that you're not actually taught in the class what to do if the alarm goes off....so I tell the box office girl to call our teacher! The marketing woman runs out and says "I'll you have to do is lock it!" ....that is not going to help anything. I tell one of the girls I'm mentoring to take out the first row of cans so that it can close properly. Like 3 minutes of this awful sound before the theater production, boss, manager guy comes storming out of his office and smacks the defrost button on the top of the fridge to get it to stop....I swear to god he hates me, every time something goes wrong in front of house I'm the one there.....Tears!
So the next preview! Everything's going fine, it's mostly students, everyone is pleasant....The parking ushers radio in saying that this man's credit card is stuck in the parking machines....Now we have no control of the parking machines, campus security is in charge of all that none sense and when things go wrong you have to call an outside company to fix the machines and then we have to pay for that even though we don't get money from the machines.
So I go get this man and bring him to the Phoenix thinking he's a patron, he is not but he is an super mad douche bag!
I choose to ignore him and let him deal with campus security....BECAUSE THE FLOOR IN THE WOMAN'S WASHROOM HAS DECIDED TO BLOW UP! It's like the sewer water place and when too many toilets are flushing it has a little melt down and spits it up through the floor drain....it was awful!
All of this of course was forgiven by Opening Reception for which kids make food and decorate platters for audience. OOOOOOO and the PUNCH! Delicious!

But better than that is getting to take home the left over food! I'm currently still eating a spinach bread bowl as I write this and believe me it is super good! Yeah that very bowl in the picture.....life has never been so sweet.
And also it's now EGG NOG latte time at Starbucks which just makes everything freaking fabulous! and today I didn't have any classes and I had no reason to go to school so Alfred brought me one on his way home because I've been having FOH struggles. He knows this because for both previews I just went to his house afterwards and cried on his floor.....which he probably wasn't fond of because he's working on his very important projects and papers that will allow him to graduate this summer. (TEARS) But he didn't send me away! He gave me ice cream and nodded his head and sometimes mumbled mhm as I blubbered away on the floor.
He is definitely the greatest friend I could ever ask for! He doesn't even try to stop me from watching Pride and Prejudice though it's always on when he comes over and I'm sure he's tired of it....It's educational....whatever I couldn't live without him.
I think this post was actually really lame but whatever it's my blog so you can just deal.
WHAT!

Ex-Factors

You know world, I did a really good thing today. Like a really really good thing, I saved someone a whole lot of trouble....though they may not have been of deserving intelligence so why do cruel reminders pop up when you're feeling good about yourself?
Let me explain the events of my day:
Today I had to attend the safety talk for the Fall Mainstage that started around 11:30 (funny enough there was a fire alarm in the middle of the tech run that followed) which meant that I had to get up a whole hour earlier than I was planning to for a run that wasn't supposed to start til 1pm. And really my only purpose was to explain timed note taking to the girls that will be front of house managing this show because I'm their mentor (WOE IS ME!)
Anyways so I left my house, worried that I would miss my bus (Turns out the schedule was wrong and there is no bus at that time anyways) when there I see in the running gutter water a wallet.....with hundreds of cards in it....And I think to myself: Cecilly, you are a good person. You should return this girl's wallet! Imagine how worried she must be! She'll have to call all of those cards to cancel them! It's only 11 if you're lucky she's still super drunk and passed out and hasn't done that yet!
So I was a good person, I took the wallet with me to school so I could contact her...only her phone number was not in the wallet...personally I think you should always have your phone number in your wallet! I google the address on her drivers license...it's over in Gorge that's almost an hour long bus ride from my house! I don't have time for that! So me and the 2 other girls I'm mentoring begin calling the customer service numbers on the back of all these cards. Of course it's a weekend so many of them were closed...way to go customer service...
I know you're sitting at home reading this and thinking god Cecilly it's 2012 just facebook that girl! WELL I TRIED!!! But she had the most plain jane name! There were hundreds of her, many didn't look like her, most were from the other side of the world!
I finally got in touch with her credit card people and told them what happened to which they said: "Oh thank you for telling us we'll be sure to contact her have a nice day" and hung up.....excuse me lady...but you didn't take my number...how is she going to be able to find the person that has her stuff without that info...I may have just gotten her credit card canceled....OH WELL! DON'T LOOSE YOUR STUFF!!!
Basically it came down to calling the La Senza at the Bay Center (A mall downtown) because customer service is closed, begging the nice girl for her membership phone number, breaking the privacy policy at La Senza and getting her number....BUT OF COURSE SHE WOULD NOT ANSWER THE PHONE!!
Ridiculous, you would think, no matter how drunk you were last night, that you would have your phone on when you've lost your wallet.....I called her about 6 times. Finally she turned her phone on and answered!
The problem? She didn't know where she was....how do you not know where you are? According to your drivers license you have lived in Victoria for at least 3 years and you don't know where you currently are? AND THEN SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE UVIC WAS!? WHAT?! ridiculous. More ridiculous is that where she was is still a 15 minute drive by car from my house and where her wallet was...How did your wallet end up outside my house! W
Whatever, I gave the crazy child directions and left it with the box office and then went out in the rain because of this fire drill....
I kid you not the world wants me to die!
So then! I'm feeling pretty good about my good deeds and what not. Girl got her wallet back and all her gift cards. Didn't have to cancel anything. I have work in an hour so I figure THAI FOOD! The only worthy treat! I even got to go with Gumpette who I almost never see anymore! It was going to be totally awesome!
But no, who would be outside of Fairway? Why none other than my least favorite human. You know he really brings it on himself. I wanted to be normal and friendly but no! Several times he has seen me and I KNOW he has and he has run away! That's PATHETIC! So I see him, he sees me avoids my eyes and runs into Fairway with his girlfriend (I assume it's his girlfriend) even though I was mid-wave. Whatever I didn't want to be nice anyways.
So I order my thai food and we're walking to cobs because Gumpette has it in for tasty bread and there he coming around the corner with what I can only assume are his 7 other roommates. (How awful would that be to have 7 roommates!)
He TRIES TO LOOK AWAY BUT I'M LIKE HELL NO!
So I very politely say Hi Matt. And yes I'm using his real name because he really doesn't deserve the decency to have his identity hidden. I can see him thinking about ignoring it but he says Hi...and runs away with his army of music kids.
I'm just freaking livid! but also Why do I care! Gumpette even said you can do so much better and I have. I had done better before I even dated him!
Even the drug dealer with the dog collar and chain in gr. 8 was better looking and a better boyfriend than him!
So I guess you're wondering why I settled for the bottom of the barrel.
Low self-esteem! And never again will I find myself in such a state of self loathing and misery and loneliness! Going into grade 10 everything was wrong and worthless but along comes this gaped toothed bag of douche who likes to sing (though his voice makes my ears cringe) and tells me I'm beautiful? Of course I fell.
Even when I found out what terrible humans he and his family are, even when he told me there was no point in staying together if we weren't getting married, even when he called me stupid and got me the most inconsiderate/insulting/insincere gifts or else told me that someone who realized how shitty his gifts were made him get something a little more heart felt I didn't leave him.
Why?
Fear probably. I remember when he told me he never wanted to leave Maple Ridge and that we might as well break up if marriage wasn't the result of our dating. Part of me was so mad and disgusted that this was the ultimatum but we didn't break up. I stayed with this jerk for a year, trying to convince myself that maybe one day I could marry him because what if no one else wanted me. Such bullshit. Of course I had my own faults in the relationship but I like to believe they were my passive aggressive attempts at payback for how low he made me feel.
Then one day he made the mistake of telling me that I was only one of 2 girls he had considered dating before he settled on me. The other was my very close friend, way out of his league, light years above me in looks but of course he realized she would never choose him when she had dozens of better looking boys throwing themselves at her feet. So he settled for me.
I think being told you're second best by someone you trust and think you love is about the worst feeling you can experience.
Today after watching the Good Person of Setzuan I was mad that Shen Te always goes back for Yang Sun even though when she's disguised as a man she can see clearly that he doesn't love her. My friend asked me had I ever been in love. I would like to think so but I guess that answer means no. But even if I haven't been in love I've experienced something like what Shen Te must have felt. Knowing one thing but ignoring it for another.
Yeah I would like to throw things at Matt. I won't but I'd like to, I might swear at him next time I see him alone.
The point of all this is that even though I'm really awesome now I wasn't always and I've learned a lot over the years that you can't let other people get to you. But you can let them pump you up! Which is why Alfred is over to kiss my feet and remind me why I deserve to rule the world. He's also agreed to watch Pride and Prejudice (though I think he's making fun of Kiara Knightly inside his head).
Whatever!
Stay strong readers!
You might get lucky and become stellar like me! <3

ps: if you're currently with an asshole and you think you're in love and that's making you irrational give me a call. I'll come straighten out his attitude!