Welcome to Life

So I haven't posted in 3 months, so what.
You know I just reread my last post about the cheese cake, not remembering that event at all after everything that's happened since January and thought.
Damn.
What a good post. and so legit!
Why is it so legit?
Because naturally the cycle picked up right from that moment and I rolled with it.
Naturally a ridiculous amount of things have happened since then and perhaps I'll catch you up on some of it but I might not. I might continue to lie in bed ignoring the mess that keeps building as I try to pack
Which is just not fair I might add! You would think that packing should be a process of cleaning but my floor is covered in the little white dots from a hole puncher that, of course, emptied itself out all over the room.
Also my computer died AGAIN and I'm not fixing it this time so I also don't know the majority of nicknames I've given people meaning I may just need to start again with some but I think you guys are pretty smart. You'll figure it out.
So in reverse order. I cut my right pointer finger and typing with a bandaid is hard.
I'm poor as fuck but I find 6 dollars in change while packing so I'm probably going to buy more cheesecake because I miss it.
I'm moving, it's a lot of work but that will be a whole different post.
I watched Bo Burnham's What AGAIN because it is brilliant and you should all watch it too. Like actually it's the most brilliantly made, well put together thing ever! in my personal opinion.
I got a job interview at a historic site...I don't know if I'm qualified.
I would have stayed in bed til 1 if they hadn't called.
I've been spending oodles of with Pearl and Earl! these I believe are new people to you  if not I'm renaming them because their names need to rhyme and go together perfectly because when they don't the world is wrong!!!!
And then Pearl went back to vancouver for the summer too and now Earl and I are just sad.
(I started watching Bo Burnham agin there cause I needed the link and wasted another 20 minutes of my life)
Priscilla went to film school and to discover her true racism in Vancouver (maybs will have a post on racsim)
Antonio has started his Adonis Project to get into shape and be the finest, badest motherfucka you've ever seen stroll down a street in Victoria.
Gumpette, I believe is what we used to call her, well many things happened but then she went off to tree plant so now she's getting tanned...but also eaten alive by bugs. Jealous of her money not jealous of her struggles.
I graduated but like haven't walked across the stage yet. That's in a month.
I threw a bunch of parties, planned some shit, directed some scenes, got in some fights, burned my wrist being stupid with an oven....and...yeah that's about it. consumed my life for 3 months
BUT I'M BACK! and that's what matters.
Hello internet world.
Welcome to the Summer Break that never ends but gets slightly colder now and then and rains alot because we live on the west coast but never ends because I've finished school and have no reason to ever go back so I'll never experience another summer break unless I join the education system and get the same summer breaks as like teachers meaning from like june to august.....
This!
is what it means to grow up
This!
is what becoming an adult is all about
THIS!
is life after school otherwise known as just

Life

The Last Piece of Cheese Cake

I just dropped my last piece of cheese cake.
No that's not a metaphor
It legit just happened
But as it was happening on this day which has been the release of 3 weeks of awful I thought to myself....how fucking cliche are you you stupid piece of cake!
For the last 3 weeks, since basically the day I got back I have been enraged.
By my people in the Phoenix, by my school work, by my friends.
Not to toot my own horn but I do a shit ton of shit for that god damn apartment and just once in a while I would like a thank you and a well done not a
why are you so upset?
Can you do this on top of all that
I saw those messages you sent out asking me to do my job but I ignored them and pissed around over here for a while.

People wonder why I drink so much!? It's cause of the fucking incompetency! The blatant rudeness of my peers! The sheer inconsiderateness of the people whom I am supposed to trust and call friends!
Which leads to me trusting no one. When I can't even trust you to make a simple facebook post, there is a serious problem. It's not hard. You're already on facebook all the time!!

What I need is to get out of the phoenix once in a while, but i have no time to get out of the Phoenix because there's all this god damn stuff that needs to get done IN the Phoenix or with Phoenix people!!!

So yeah, i've been angry for 3 weeks. I've been called ridiculous and ignored by my teachers. I've had outrageous expectations put upon me by my peers and yes some of the things I did ask to do! Those are the things I want to do. I don't want to be signed up for things involuntarily just thrown about willy nilly. I have a freaking analysis to write that I have hardly started.
The past 2 weekends I have just gotten shit face drunk because I don't want to deal with things. It's not healthy I know this but I don't see things getting easier so I don't stop.

And alllllllllll of this accumulated, all of this anger and frustration and axiety until last night Aurora and I got drunk and watched Tangled on a sunday night. We both had classes this morning. We knew it but we drank anyways and had perogies and things seemed to be alright. I went to directing and my teacher wasn't a flaming ball of douche and I thought how refreshing. I went to musical history and we watched Al Jolson in blackface and though everyone was a little awkward because I'm the only black kid in the room I was like eh it's fine, he's pretty believable I'm not offended don't be offended and we all got over it.
Then we waited and we sat through the break and we went to Singing for the Stage where once again Josh was just the epitome of rude to me and to the theatre students and I thought for fucks sake. This kid is fucking insane and disruptive like he will get up in the middle of the class and walk off somewhere!! Usually when one of us is talking.
And then I've got this first year who's like he doesn't really hate all of us and I'm like fuck you child. If he hates the fourth years he hates you it doesn't matter if you get private singing lessons with the teacher or not.
And then my teacher was handing back our essays which I knew mine was rude. He told us to write it in "our" style. Had it been write an essay it would have been formal and acceptable but he said my style so I wrote how I think. Which doesn't come off well on paper and I knew it but I didn't give a single fuck because why would I want to research this person for a class that is causing me strife after I've been told I'm ridiculous and know nothing by a teacher I once respected.
So an hour of tears and anger and yelling about Josh which as far as I'm concerned is just my teacher refusing to take control of the situation. We're "adults" we should be able to handle things. But what is an "adult"? No one ever changes. 4 years of university and working in jobs. There's always gossip, bitching, someones always not going to get along and they may not act like an "adult"! It's just a fact of life.
I don't know if anything got fixed in that but I didn't go to smutco. I let them figure it out.
I cried, I felt better, I think I left my teacher enormously confused and then I went to a lovely dinner with my comfort family.
Monday night,
Comfort food,
Good people

And things seemed pretty good. I looked at everything that had happened today and leading up to it and just thought
fuck it.
What can I do.

So today as I was choosing to eat the last piece of this cheese cake over opening a bottle of wine and I don't know I guess I turned to fast trying to balance the plastic tray.
Then of course I tried to hit it as it was falling to the floor
I just thought.
Yup,
This is fucking life.
You can't eat an entire cheese cake without having a couple bumps and tumbles along the way.
Sometimes it sucks and you can't stop it from splattering all over the ground
But you have the choice to give up and leave it there or scrape it back onto the plate and finish what you started.
And I'm just fat enough to choose scraping it back onto the plate and continue on eating it, dirt and all.

The Filing Cabinet of Dangerous Monsters (rated R depending on how intoxicated I am)

You know when life is so bad any little thing can set your spirits soaring?
That's me right now.
2 hours ago when i was going to start this post I was super pissed off.  In that time I watched For A Good Time Call-, ate cake and am really drunk on possibly the worst wine ever and it's not getting better!!

But let me explain to you the anger within me.

You look at me and ou see perhaps a normal 21 year old girl who is not quite black not quite white but boardering on potentially asian looking.
Now squint your eyes and turn that girl into an oddly coloured filing cabinet with 8 drawers all tightly and carefully locked up. But within those drawers are the most dreadful terrible things you can imagine.
firey mountain lions with sharp razzor  red hot metal claws. gnashing teeth, dragons and evil mermaids that shoot poinsonous spit and what not! Yes each drawer has a different monster dreadful to behold!! And they're all trying to get out.
These are the 8 most prominent current issues in my life that are causing me strife and I try very hard to keep them locked away for were they to be unleashed all those in the immediate area would be destroyed!!!!
We must keep the drawers closed so that the beasts may have time to cool and simmer and maybe when they have come to grips and i have come to terms with the iassues at hand then I shall look back on them and move tohme  to a different filing cabinet....my brain is like occulemency. ah yes this is just one giant harry potter post!! nooooo I'm just drunk.
have you ever just leaned back in your chair alike gotten into a real comfortable position and closed your eyes and then just typed that's what i'm doing ght now. probslg gunna have to go back and spell chekc this cause I know a lot of what I'm typing is wrong but maybe I WON'T! maybe I'll leave it. Cecilly! Reala! Raw! UNCHAINED!!! lols like I coul d be in a cage match.
But ok ok back on topic.
I don't want to be angry no no no not a lall. People simply enrage me on puropse to see how I'l handle things!! Like I'm in fourth year now excuse you and I just really want to graduate without killing someone and then Aurora and I can move into her apartment together and we'll be happy and start a sex line and make shit tons of money like in For A Good Time Call! Yes it is us!!! not really neither of us are like the girls in it but i tcould be great and we would have pink phones and be super cute!!!
do like random pictures and memes ever flash up on your eyelids. I't slike my eyeslids are the ceiling for the arena in hunger games and the pictures are the falledn tributes!!!
Defs gunna need to edit in the ....sometime.

Oke but yes anger. So I'm angry.
I'm angry about school because it's full of stupid people/ that's legit right?! people who are just so stuck on themselves I can't be bothered!

I'm angry at directing cause I don't like any of the plays or feel there needs to be something better about this scene than the last bug t t he last one was bascically perfection n minus stella being a stupid bitcha and ruinining thnhings and then not apologizing. Like no it's not petty. stella must be about fifty and the fact that she knows ths'e sin the wrong has said she should apologize to me serveral times but still hasn't si just pathetic....of course she may be scared of me. several people are but if you don't make me angry there's no reason to be scared! ararwrawar. And thgen peters  iouor teacher called me ridiculous for not liking any of the plays because i'm only 32 snf not edcuated on theatre yet like at all which you know he partly has a point but you can't tell me what I can cannd can't like! I can not like things because were supposed to be doing realism and i don't fing the conversations taking place in these plays realistic!! that's a ligit claim.......there are finger prints on my roof. I hthink they've been there since before I moed in three years ago but I'm never sure and I'm not tall enough to touch the ceiling so i'll never know where they came from unless it was alfred but i don't it.

I'm angry naucsios about the smutlcal theatre goroup i run because we go up in 2 weeks and I'm worried were just not going to tget it together like I bleived but it's always there in the back of my mind like what iff........

I'm mad that there are theses little black bugs that showed up out of no where! in my house! I don't know what they are! They're not flies they're not fruit flies!
It's not like an infestation though. It's like one shows up every 3 days and I ckill it right away because it's not smart enough to run.....I think like they may have comefrom the box of clay i brought home but I just down't know!!

One of the cabinets is something I'm not actually angry at SHOCKING! . Remember that post back back back that was like hmmm i have an obcessions! well that obsession is still going and though it brings me great joy to think about it also causes me a lot of strife and I'm definitely going crayz because of it and I'm not talking to myself at hom enot just to the ffurit in the grocery store. that's an issue.  and all my friends are like OMG CCECILLY WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT oYOUR OBESESSION!!! You'ere a 21 YEEAR OLD WOMAN!!! GET OFER IT BUT I"M LIKE NO I ICACAN NOT!!!!!!!! so it makes me happy, drives me crazy, and at the same time causes  everyone else to hate me... that's coolt hough cause people also fall into peolpe I hate

...i shan't talk about the other cabinets they're the most lethal! keep the fiery poison things in the drawers yes.

But the more you know eh!
This is why I drink so much, this is why I'll never be a normal person, this is why i'll probably die by 25.
so Yeah and basically just fuck off

WIIIIIIIIIIIIINOOOOOOOO!

Shouting from high places is my specialty and I climb  things so often it's amazing I'm not skinnier.
Welllll I guess not that amazing considering the amount I've been drinking this year.
Yes this term as definitely turned me into a Wino.
Courtesy of Sergei for helping me find a love of wine last year.
It's pretty sad though if you were to look at my kitchen table right now you'd see 3 wine bottles with levels varying from half a cup to half full.
Priscilla says don't worry, that wine is good for you.
But those doctors are talking a glass a day not a bottle a day.
Imagine all the money I'd save if I stopped drinking!
Well I'm probably not going to do that. I mean the only step I'm taking away from wine is putting me a step towards tequila tomorrow when the ladies and I sit down for a Holy Drunk Christmas and we'll be having margueritas because they fall into the green and red colour scheme.
Think I've got a problem?
I probably do but the way I see it, terms over.
And though I have another directing analysis due next term (possibly 2) they won't be nearly as hard now I've done one. And I won't have Skin rehearsals where I have to spend hours swaying back and forth, humming, hating my life, dealing with drama that has nothing to do with me.
Hell I might even start going to the gym more than one day a week!
starting....Tuesday?
I could go to the gym tuesday.
But I'm free everybody!
No final exams, no more pottery (until January) no more meetings or having to fake professionalism!
It's Christmas Break!
It's also freezing.
Like I live in Victoria for the balmy weather, never goes below 3 degrees, hardly rains.
Well the other day it was snowing. That was fucked up! luckily it didn't really stick because my winter boots are not that cute and I have no interest in wearing them.
Also I'm having to wear two pairs of gloves when I go out, especially standing on top of mount tolmie which I'm sure in another post I've mentioned is more of a slight hill than an actual mountain but is still really hard to climb when your freezing. But it's worth it!
Especially with all the Christmas lights up now!
Maybe I'll take a picture next time though it will probably come out all blurred and ugly. Doesn't hurt to try.
But anyways.
Back to my OC marathon.
You should start watching it again, it truly is fantastic and it's not just for girls I know a guy who is deeply committed to it right now and as far as I know he's not gay, a little macho and arrogant but there's ball of emotion just waiting to explode deep down there I know it!
tatafornow!

Engaged or Married

Soo I had a really depressing realization the other day
Everyone that I've ever dated is either engaged or married...
and I'm just over here twiddling my thumbs apparently.
Now if you want to be reasonable you could go "But come now Cecilly most of them are 3-5 years older than you. That puts them at 26 years old! That's a perfectly good time to start thinking about settling down"
....Well that didn't sound any more reasonable when I typed it out.
Married at 28, sure
26?
What is wrong with you! You just left 25! You're hardly an adult let alone ready to take on adult things like marriage!!
Even worse, a lot of them were married soon after they started going to university or graduated...2 of them married french girls though one was Parisian and the other from Montreal...weird
(this post is just becoming a realizations post)
3 Of them are getting married to the girl they dated right after me...
You might remember I told you all about my stupid ex from like grade 10/11 who continuously runs away from me (read about it in Encountering Exes) Well he still runs away from me which is ridiculous in itself
But apparently him and his girlfriend recently got engaged in September which everyone else had to tell me of course because we're not facebook friends...for obvious reasons like I tried to send his soul to hell with premarital sex (he's crazy catholic and maybe I should be grateful I didn't succeed)
I find it's even more awkward when he tries to run away with his fiance in tow!
Well more comical
Because she obviously has no idea what's going on.
Like what the hell am I going to do?
Summon a demon to destroy you? (would if I could ;))

But even more recently than that on the engagement calendar!
Remember Alfred!! The most perfect thing in my life last year? The reason my dishes never get done anymore!
Well if you recall in January, he went off with this girl Katleen (not like Kaitlyn. Literally Kat- Leen the fuck)
And I stood by going yes totally reasonable. She's much better suited for you!
Well I've heard it from a mutual source that he planned to propose to her Thanksgiving Monday! On the drive home near Duncan! Like flabbergasted am I!!
Do I think they're well suited?
Yes
But like...REALLY!?
No confirmation yet on whether or not that actually happened but it's pretty believable knowing Alfred...
So that's where I stand...
Over here.
Alone!

The only ex who's relationship status I don't know I think is either dead. Or probably has like 4 kids by now because he's that kind of white trash...or probably no children and alone because he's done too many drugs and now he's impotent....Who can really say?
No regrets there at least.

But of course if I stopped wollowing for a minute I would remember all the reasons I am alone, want to be alone,  choose to be alone and think damn girl, you're lucky...
But it's still depressing
I feel like that Dane Cook movie with Jessica Alba I think it is and every woman he sleeps with even that really gross really fat one gets married and all he wants is Jessica Alba but he doesn't want her to marry someone else....
Well maybe it's best they all marry someone else...
And I can continue my never ending quest to be a call girl!
AHAHA!
Peace out Blogpeeps

How to be Black by 27 White People

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
What a world I live in.
Well here's that first year welcome movie I said I'd upload

Anyways

So As you know I am in Skin of Our Teeth, basically because I'm black and I can sing.

That's fine. I knew that going in.

I had no idea what to expect from the director but whatever fly with it. 

And for a while it was going pretty well, there were a few awkward moments, a few hostile glances and mutters but we go on. 

Until last night

So we're supposed to be singing this gospelesque song and yeah it's probably the easiest. whitest. stomping john connors thing you've ever heard. And there's me getting all the flack for not setting the tone. 

Little did everyone know that they cast the whitest black girl in victoria to be in their show.

So instead of a nice little sing through the song rehearsal we had a long process of trying to get me into the right state of blackness. And instead of just having the 3 people who are most educated on this matter of black I've got 27 white people all giving me their input, telling me to sing out, feeeeeeeeel it, humming at me.

Well no shit it didn't get better. 

I left feeling pretty down. also having no idea who I am if I have any black spirit in me. 

So like all insane actors who for whatever reason dedicate themselves to the craft even when they feel defeated and alone....I researched.

I looked up every version of this god damn song I could find!

I put the best ones on my ipod! 

I WATCHED A QUEEN LATIFA MOVIE!!! (Joyful Noise. It's all about a Georgia church choir trying to win a singing contest lord it was perfect)

ALWAYS! Revert back to the queen! The black woman who reminds me that there are roles in the world for me! Even if I have to sing I don't care! I'll do it!

So I roll into rehearsal today, it was a really shit day. Spilt my coffee in my bag and ruined my pottery books and lord I had had it!

But I let it rip in rehearsal when it was my turn to sing....at least I thought so.

The members of the family on the other hand who had been blocked to stand and dance and sing with the rest of us decided they weren't going to stand unless they felt inspired............

EXCUSE YOU ACTOR! 

YOU ARE AN ACTOR!

DO WHAT YOUR FUCKING TOLD!

And while you're at it TRYYYYYYYYY not to insult the entire cast who is giving it there all around you!

Ugh I've never been so insulted but luckily I kept my cool

and instead of me giving them a good kick the movement master damn near ripped them a new one!

and all I could think was justiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

Which is wrong of me. But for serious. 

I'm not inspired by the song and I have to sing it.

You can at least stand your lazy ass up and dance.

peace out Madea is calling my name.

There's No A in Bingo

Ah yes.
Well I am in a play this fall it's called The Skin of Our Teeth by Thorton Wilder and though it is causing me a lot of pain to write this post to you because I have not at all been gentle on my body today I just felt like this beautiful thing needed to be shared.
So at one point in the play I am a Bingo Caller and we're reading along and I come to A-5 C-26 the next girl goes C-4 B-49
And we carry on completely unphased.....
however if you know how bingo works.
The numbers match with the letters that spell Bingo!
.....
There is no A or C in Bingo....but we didn't even notice.
It wasn't until we read it the second time that someone pointed this out...and then apparently there are RULES to bingo?!
Did you know this I had no idea.
the things you learn in theatre school!
will write something more interesting later.

The Annual Reality Check Meeting

Long time no post hey?
Well I was going to post after Vegas and about travelling with friends and all that but it's Summer so I decided to let it lie. It's August now and school will be here sooner than later (thank god)! and the past few days have been such a rollercoaster that I thought I'd post a little something.
It started with what I'm coming to see as the annual reality check discussion with my father. I'm graduating this year so it was especially firm that come April the world will be a real thing. Jobs will be a real thing. Fun will never happen again. And as per usual my very real debt will be a very real problem.
Cue Annual Stressed Out All Nighter.
This summer I worked as a flagger. It was pretty great. I had a lot of fun. Met lots of really great people but it's not something I would be able to do without living at home. When I graduate I will not have a car or gas money, or even money for insurance which means I'll need to find something I can bus to which means like minimum wage which means I'll forever be poor because I'll only make enough money to pay rent and buy bus fares.
And the stress ball keeps rolling.
But then this morning I got a message which picked that roller coaster off it's tracks and put it on a more child friendly route with minor bumps and turns. One of my friends is dating this boy (whom I don't know) and in the message she wrote expect wedding invitations!
Now yes she totally could have been joking but I was reminded of a line in The Help

Once Miss Hilly had a baby, every girl at the bridge table had to have one, too.

But of course most babies don't happen until the girls get married! I am passing into the age when everyone starts getting married!!! And that makes me so happy! I love weddings, and pretty dresses and happy couples and crying!! And that's all about to start! And I'm ready for it! I need something to look forward to in all my debt misery!

Of course my mother had to ruin it with a "well none of your other friends have boyfriends. Besides you might think to get one yourself."
Yeah.
Right.
After all I went through last year, am I about to go husband hunting? No.
I'm still waiting for the message from Alfred letting me know in the politest way he can that he and his crazed girlfriend are getting married. I have no doubt it will arrive sometime before December if not in October.
No I  fancy myself after Skeeter

No babies...No man...And not lookin'.

Sometimes I think I'll end up like Jessa from Girls, who marries that guy from The IT Crowd/Bridesmaids, who was a total skeezeball at the bar but is rich, older, and can take her all over the world. She's using him and we all know it. Hell even if I knew I was using him I'd tell my conscience to peace out. I could go all over the world and the only catch is I'd have to be married to a creep.
Her last minute wedding wasn't that bad either.
I could do that.
But you know
Graduate first.
Think of all that other life stuff later.

When Nuns Retire

Sooooo...
Remember way back when and I wrote that blog post about wanting to run off and become a nun?
I've changed my mind!
I've been learning a lot about nuns in the past month and let's get real. It's not for me.
First you have to like pledge yourself to God.
Then think about being a nun for like 4 years (one of those years you have to take a vow of silence!!!!)
Then you're like "yeah I still wanna be a nun"
AND THEN YOU MARRY GOD!!!!!!!
The whole reason I was going to join the nunnery was to avoid relationships!!
I don't want to get married to GOD!?!
Let alone spend a year silent...so that won't be happen.
Plus I just learned all about nun retirement.
Let me explain!

So as a theater department we have a props shop. And recently this beautiful living room set was donated, like the couches you would see in a Pride and Prejudice sitting room!
And I asked my Gumpette who works in props where it came from....And she said "A retirement home for nuns"
....
LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT HERE PEOPLE!!
NUNS!
DON'T!
RETIRE!

They do not! you can argue it out with me but I've had a lengthy discussion with several people and it's just not done!
Being a nun is a full time job. Every breath. Every waking moment that these nuns are alive are dedicated to being nuns!
They pray. They walk around thinking about their husband God. They do the nunnery version of housework. You know working in the garden and cleaning tables and painting bedrooms and what not. And they do this until they die!!
Yes you're right... nuns get old just like normal people. But when this happens, the just go chill in the nunnery hospital or go to The Building Where Nuns Go To Die Home (or Nun Hospice my friend likes to call it) but this is by no means! In no way! A retirement home!!!
Believe you me those nuns are stillllllll praying! Until they kick it!

And this is why nuns don't retire:
THEY CAN'T!
Think about retirement. When most people retire they have a fair amount of money saved up, they get a pension, they wake up at home one day and just don't have to go to work. They might putter around their garden, sit on the porch and drink lemonade, and pretty much just live off their retirement money until they die or have to find a new job or go poor.
Nuns can't do that because they work for free! Or the love of God if you prefer. But they in no way make any money. They garden all the time, take time to do other things and pray some more.
But if the nun wanted to retire and decided to collect up her life savings and peace out to a home that doesn't exist outside the nunnery she'd have a pretty freaking difficult time! Let me tell you!
She has no money so she can't buy a house, can't buy food, has been gardening for hella eva! She'll be out on the streets in no time!
Which is why they keep you in the Nun Hospice when you're too old to garden so that you can pray in bed until finally you can 'retire' AKA DIE! and go hang out with God.
That's retirement! Finally getting to be with your husband after years of servitude.
(Sucks if you ask me)
And the only way you can stop being a nun is if you
A) get kicked out like Maria in The Sound of Music because she's too happy and sing songy to be in the nunnery they send her off to go become the mother of some captain's 7 kids.
B) Leave/Run away like Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story. Which  Walt assure me ends with Hepburn walking down an alley way and not going to hell for her betrayal.

So thanks no thanks.
I will deal with the idiots of the planet, continue speaking, and avoid nunneries.
They're just not for me.

Stress Fractures

Oh hey world,

Clearly I have no interest in being on top of things right now so I'll just post in my blog instead of doing those stressful things.

So the past few days I've been apprenticing at a theater here in Victoria. And you know how when you get a new job you feel like you should be doing something, proving your worth....but there's like literally nothing for me to do so I just kind of stand. FOR HOURS!

The other night was opening and there were all these opera people around. I will tell you now, opera audiences are the worst most snobby above anyone else audience people you'll ever meet. Yes they applaud wildly, they give the act of watching opera their all. But they can just be soooooo rude and snippity. Anyways, so for opening night I basically stood for 12 hours. In heels, flat heels mind you that are usually very comfy but on this occasion decided to take me out.

My feet feel like all those snooty opera goers looked at little apprentice me standing in the corner and went

over and over and over again.

So me and some smart dancer type people have concluded that I probably have stress fractures in my feet. I can't even begin to explain the pain. It's constantly throbbing and I've made sure to stand as little as possible today. 

I've taken to pushing myself around my basement suite by using only my heels on my rolling chair. I kinda look like this

Only I'm super tired so I'm going much slower and some of my floor is carpeting so I kind of just hit that and stop. I just want my feet to stop hurting, massaging them hurts, stretching them hurts, wiggling my toes hurts. Pretty much everything hurts them accept heat packs and bubble baths.

And it's like people know my feet are super messed up so they're going around making my life as difficult as possible.

I went on a field trip today for my first year english class...to the library...the place where I work. And this dreary man who really knew nothing about the library tried to educate me and then made me walk down and back up the flights of stairs! Naturally I went to my teacher before this tour and was like "oh hey I work here, please don't make me go on this tour!" and he was like "NOPE! We're gunna have fun!" But all we got were some nasty glares in the silent area.

It doesn't help that last night closing at the library this rude kid wouldn't leave and then I'm pretty sure was hiding and now I don't even know if he actually left after I thought he left. He could have just come back upstairs when I was on a different floor! 

AND IT'S SO RUDE! People have no regard for me as a human, they just have this stupid goal of staying in the library over night which I can't image would be any fun at all. So my feet hurt more and more.

Now I have to go find some comfortable shoes to wear for the rest of march for this apprenticeship so my feet don't break.

I also have a ton of homework I have no interest in doing and won't be doing because I'm going to bed as soon as I finish writing this. My milk is going to go bad tomorrow which means I have to get more

and it's all just too much!

I need a caregiver! My friend Monica seems to think I just need a boyfriend but in my experience they generally don't do anything of use when you need them. No I need a caregiver. Someone to wash my dishes and make me food and hell, straighten my hair for me because my arms are too tired to reach.

Maybe I'll go over to the nursing department and ask if anyone needs some work experience (unpaid of course)  It would definitely make my life easier.

Right now I feel like this

Night!

Woop! Woop! It's Da Sound of Da Police!

Alright peeps.
So legit why I'm posting this song is because
1-I think it's funny
2-I've solved my stalker problems! (as far as I know)

So if you read my last 2 posts I told you about those two guys in the library that have been like following me and trying to get me to go out with them and just generally pissing me off.
Not to mention their super freaking creepy because they'll see me come in on the first floor and go hide some where else on another floor and wait for me to get to them and then try to talk me up.
Soops creepy.
So I was closing on Sunday and I was like you know what! I've had enough!
I've had a long day already. I don't need this creeps bothering me.
So I walk in the library.
I see them.
They see me.
They start their hiding games.
I go looking for them.
I find them in bottom floor stacks just creepin, pretending to study.
I don't even play man
I walk up to them and I tell them that if they don't leave me alone I will tell Campus Security. I will get a harassment claim against them. And I will get them expelled from school for threatening me and endangering a university employee.
They were pretty shocked.
I also know, because I went to this stupid lecture on visas for my stupid first year english class that they're not canadian
They're exchange students
So if they get expelled for harassment then they probably get deported and can never come back...I think they'll freaking leave me alone now.
HA!
Ha ha!
HA!
I am so happy!
Peace. <3

Too Black for My White Family

Wellllllll
Christmas happened.
Usually one of my most dreaded times of the year next to the birthdays of other family members. I'm not sure if it's because I'm the second youngest grandchild, my sister being the youngest or if my father's dislike of people is so embedded in me that I also hate people gatherings...probably a combo.
So every year about 6 times a year I have to go and sit and endure the old people questionings of if I like school have I seen my extended family in Victoria (of course not) what I plan on doing when I graduate blah blah blah blah I don't care. And no one really cares about the answer so I don't know why they insist on bothering me so.
BUT THIS YEAR! Yes I was most clever!
My parents went to a friends open house before family dinner and I was like I could go....but I would rather not be miserable for 10 hours, 6 hours is enough for me thanks. Which meant I had to bring the classic buns  to be baked mother said show up around 5:30...cause dinner is supposed to start around 6 and they take about 15 minutes to bake....dinner never starts on time.
So I showed up at 5. Extra early and....volunteered in the kitchen!
PURE GENIUS!! The kitchen is a safe place as long as you're working in it because my uncle just shoos the people who shouldn't be in there out which means they can't talk to me! Can't bombard me with inane questions! Can't demand why I'm single with no intention of getting married! AHAHAHA I was brilliant, brilliant BRILLIANT I TELL YOU!!!!
And of course I was right when I said dinner wouldn't start til 7:30, it was like 6 and my uncles like no no, hold off on the potatoes there aren't enough people here yet.
But see the problem is everyone expects dinner to start late so they just show up right before 7 expecting to be fed and not having to wait. And then the old people just descend! They see the food and they go for it even though it's not all out yet. Sigh old people but whatever. If their mouths are full they still can't talk to me.
Ugh! but then I found out that I don't get to go to my cousins wedding in the summer! I am sooooo upset! I've been waiting for these weddings, multiple cousins have decided it's time to start those things called families...ridiculous but whatever it's not my life and they're all late 20s early 30s so I guess they should get on that if they don't want to die alone....like I will be!
Pft, quelle domage. Whatever will I do keeping all my money...or all my poverty to myself and not have to deal with someone stealing my blankets and nagging me about kids.
I think I'll live.
but anyways so my cousin and his getting married. Perfectly fine because he's awesome and his fiance is pretty awesome too but as we were talking, I honestly don't know what I said because it's just so second nature now that  my cousin was like "wow you just went full black there"
And it's just another reminder of how much I've changed since going to UVic.
I was so white when I went to school but uvic is almost a completely white campus and white people have expectations. I have become so ridiculously sassy at school because that's what people want, no complaints I quite like it.
Also it gives me a cover to be rude because they really can't tell the difference.
Everyone's all Cecilly is so sassy, hence nickname Sassily but really I'm just rude or I hate you but think what you want. I find it hilarious.
But alas here we are on the last day of 2012.
And though I had wished for the world to end on the 21st I guess I will be forced to live another year. (21 this year, fun fun.)
We'll see how I fair because right now the world isn't looking good.
If the rumors are true....2013 will bring the birth of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian's child=DEMON SPAWN
So maybe the Mayans were a year off?
Nah probably not but it did serve for some excellent tumblring while it lasted.
I took Ernesta and Anita to the states yesterday for shopping. It was the bomb! not literally there were no bombs...But we got a ton of Vanilla Coke.
Went to a real 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.
Bought a ton of clothes....it was a good day.
Ernesta is an english major and rarely goes to the states so she was just freaking out over all the things it was so cute.
I'm going to miss my Vancouver friends when I go back to school in a couple of days but I gotta go back to school and I miss my island friends too. Plus there are quite a few things that have gone down since I left and it's catch up time...watch out UVic I'm coming for you!

Basically all I can ask of 2013 is that it not snow so much, better music with less dubstep, give Taylor Swift at least 3 more boyfriends by next year so she can continue to make terrible yet catchy music, Money would be nice but I've never received it when I've wished for it so I'll just keep the day dreams where they are.
Either way I've got some good ideas for 2013. We'll see if they happen.
And if you keep reading this into the New Years, you'll be privy to if they happen.

EXAM WEEK: An Excuse to be Ugly!

We are so close my friends who are also in school.
Exam week is almost upon us. For UVic Monday is the last day of classes and then we can alllllll cry!
I have a paper and an in class test on Monday. Luckily the paper's not due til Midnight but I've been trying to write it forever!!
Last month I told myself I would have it done for the 20th which would give me like 2 weeks to fix it....the 20th came and I lay down. I said to myself THE 25TH! The 25th came and it was not done so I lay down some more.
Now it is December 1st!
What should happen on December 1st? I should have an advent calendar in my hand for one! I do not!! Misery has overcome me for my lack of cheap, wax chocolate.
Happily though it was the Phoenix Coffee House last night which is basically a giant talent show for all the theater students....because we like to show off just that much more! (What can I say, we're attention seekers)
I did not perform. I did 2 things last year and it's just so much nicer to sit in the audience, drink and watch everyone else. No need to worry about going and falling down because you're drunk...yes we drink shhh.
The 4th years do a board sketch which is a voice over as they walk up to the announcement board...many poop jokes....very strange.
I think the bests part of the night was when this girl gave me a kinder surprise! and it wasn't one of those lame ones that I got all summer! It was awesome! I made a bird! Maybe I will take a picture and show it to you sometime. It can't stand because I dropped the feet under the bleachers and then didn't go back for them.
I was in so much pain yesterday because I accidentally exercised. Yes you can exercise by accident.
My french class ended an hour early so I figured I could do splits, hide in the change room during dancer physique and then do pole dancing but somewhere in there my timing was off.
I got all ready to do splits and the teacher just decided we weren't going to do splits. Just the dancer physique class! She turns on this off mashup remix 2 hour playlist of pop music! It drives me batty but I just know that I'm in dancer physique and it's too late! I can't run away! I'm all set up! She knows I'm there! If I ran for my life she would find me! So I stayed!
An hour and a half of intense toning exercises. The class makes me want to vomit because it mostly focuses on legs and core and I don't have core. My core is my stomach and my stomach doesn't want abs.
So I cried.
And then I did pole and I cried some more! Pole is supposed to be fun! Not excruciating pain!
Naturally when I woke up the next morning movement was not an option. But I had no choice! I had to go school second years on how to talk to rude people which I know nothing about! I am all about the retaliation! But I suppose the basics are good to know even if you are unable to put them into effect.
But of course after all that I am HIDEOUSLY UGLY!
I washed my hair because it was gross but my arms hurt to much to hold above my head to straighten my hair again and I didn't have time yesterday and now I'm supposed to be writing this essay!
I am going to be ugly for the next week! At least! Maybe longer depending on how gross I get running around on front of house during the Ride the Cyclone run while working at the library.
Cry time, time for cries.
I just want to lie down some more but i really have to get this essay looking coherent by Monday...seems impossible.
Also I have to study for this opera test but the kid who wants to study is not responding to my texts. That is unacceptable I'm not going to study for it by myself. That's just foolish.
Siiiiiigh.
Welcome to December.
Welcome to the end of the world. (20 days for all you crazy people who are super worried about dying virgins)
No we're not going to talk about my opinion of stupid people who try to fine their raison d'etre in relationships now. I have enough of that in Miss Saigon.
Though I just want to say that VOS is doing Miss Saigon in the spring. And I know I'm not the skinniest asian you're going to find since I'm not skinny and I'm not asian but I can work a pole! There are strippers in Miss Saigon! Lord! PLEASE! Let me be a call girl!
That's all I ask!
Anyways,
Back to essays.

POOPY LADY 2012!

Alright kiddies,
I will now impart upon you the struggles of being a front of house manager. I hope you're comfortable.

Let's start with yesterday when I survived 'Poopy Lady', the nickname of possibly the most troublesome Phoenix patron....I suppose I have to tell you how she got the nickname....

WELL!! A long very long time ago she came to see a show. Now she is a very old woman, should not be driving but she does and I have yet to hear any reports of her killing people. This lady has really really really bad arthritis. Her hands barely moved and her fingers are all curled inwards so she can't really pick anything up. So one day all those years ago she arrived late to a show (She is always late even though the shows have always started at 8) and she insisted that she must go to the bathroom.
From there we are a little lost as to the events but we assume that she did not actually sit down on the toilet but sort of squatted and went to the bathroom....but she missed and there was poop all over the floor. Naturally a terribly embarrassing incident but she tried to remedy it but picking it off the floor....only to kind of smear it around the stall instead because her hands don't work properly.
All speculation mind you we have no idea what truly happened other than a stall covered in poop was discovered shortly later.
So we seated this woman and started the show but all these people kept coming out and complaining about the smell in the theater. Turns out there was poop all down her pants and she wreaked. she got it all over the theater seat as well and they had to like steam dry clean it or something I don't really know of the story behind the seat.
Thus giving her the name, Poopy Lady. Remember this did not happen to me thank goodness!

However last night, it is 8 pm and the stage manager is just doing her last minute call when i see this very slow moving mass coming towards me from the parking lot....I JUST NOW IT IS HER! and as they got closer IT WAS! I had this second year shadowing me, she was kind of excited...that changed fast.
So they're already late, then she can't find her ticket because her hands don't work and she's kind of just scooping things out of her purse. And then her friend, who's not a very good friend just abandons her and runs off to sit down! This woman moves at about snail speed, that is not exaggerating that is fact!
I've got my ushers helping her into the theater and she's hacking! (well like quiet hacking but a soft equivalent of death) and she's spitting up into these napkins! We just make it to the theater door and she's like "I need more napkins!" and i'm like oh god! So I send my usher to get more paper towel from the bathroom and I begin helping her down the steps to her seat. WHY IS THIS WOMAN IN THE FRONT FREAKING ROW! Because her friend likes it there of course! Just freaking rude, no consideration for anyone else.
So I finally get her down and into the seat, hand her more tissue and start the show. Only 10 minutes late which is good considering most of her incidents start 20 minutes late.
All is well I count everything, all adds up I'm happy. Show gets out everyone is happy I am happy.....then stage management comes on the headsets asking for a manager to come into the theater and check on this woman. One of my ushers comes running out and is all freaked out by this woman who appears to be dying. I think to myself "HELL NO! If she's going to pick today to die! I'm bringing Sandra (boss lady) with me!" So I do. She's not dying.....just coughing and spitting everywhere.
They insist that they don't want the rest of their seats for the season changed they just enjoy causing trouble in the theater. And then PL insists on stopping to eat some chocolate to help her cough....that's not how it works crazy!
Takes about 20 minutes to get her out of the theater alone, and we're doing a sweep when the girl I've been mentoring comes up and tells me that there's a pile of wet napkins where she was sitting and a really wet cloth......NOOOOOO! GROSS!!! But there's literally no one else I can get to do it!
So I had to go into concession, grab some gloves and a plastic bag and go clean up this drool mess!
I. WANTED. TO. BARF! it was just awful, thank god it didn't smell or anything but like SERIOUSLY! That's not acceptable! Stay home! You shouldn't be driving anyways!
Then I came home and cried because I had no milk (Alfred drank it all) and I was scarred for life by the feeling of wet, squishy dish cloths.

Then of course tonight, Clark Kent once again failed to become Superman and decided to just not show up. SIGH! Unimpressed! Along with discovering other problems where Antonio messed up! And then I ended up with 5 dollars over the amount we should have had. But I'm pretty sure we'll find it tomorrow. I really shouldn't have put Mr. Kent's replacement in the concession, she's just not all there in the head.
Oh well.

I'm super tired and Alfred brought me more milk so I'm just going to have hot chocolate, a message and watch Shrek. Then to bed I go!
Love you followers
Night.