My Love is too Beautiful to Have Thrown Back in My Face

This post will not be happy because I am not happy.
It happens.
No, it's not because February is the month of depression. It's not because February is 'Black History Month' (which is bullshit I don't need brought up). It's not because I have to turn 21 in a week.
It's partly because of this movie For Colored Girls which is based off of this choreopoem play. I thought I knew pain before this movie but watching it feels like the slow tearing of your soul. Is it because I'm black that I can relate to this? No I don't think so because if you've read my other posts about my interactions with other black people you've probably picked up that I'm seriously white washed in many ways.
Something about women struggling, loss, abuse. It gets me.
If we're honest, this is the kind of thing I would have watched and then called Alfred over because I was in such a ridiculous state of sobbing...and he would have stood there going omg what do I do but with ice cream...
So I caved today and bought my own ice cream. I wasn't going to. I haven't bought ice cream since before christmas because it was egg nog flavored and I could not pass up that opportunity!
But yeah, I miss Alfred I guess. Which probably shouldn't be new info. Just a lot of things have happened in the course of a week. Just the craziest things that 1-make no sense, 2-shouldn't happen, 3-I have no desire to deal with.
So naturally I've been ignoring...most of these things.
One thing I'll tell you about I could not ignore.
My friend has been insisting that I go on a date with this guy from her office for sometime and since I no longer hang out with Alfred she decided it was time for a little blind date...and I guess I ran out of excuses not to.
He was a very nice guy, nice that he has an actual job, nice that he has his own place, and his own friends...but I still don't date. Nor do I want to. Which of course was really awkward to explain but he seemed to have taken it alright...my friend's definitely going to kill me though when she finds out. Hopefully she doesn't find out for a few days.
Luckily I still have Sergei, which you know I just realized I have never told you about. He is my best guy/gay friend, not that that's how I should identify my friends to people but...it's easiest...Jude would kill me if she knew. Anyways I'll call him Sergei because he's super into all things British and his regal ancestry but he was also Russian and very proud of that as well. Sergei seems Russian and regal so it'll do I think. Anyways, we've been hanging out because he's come to his senses recently and doesn't want to go into poli sci but is going back to Calgary next year so he's just taking whatever courses right now which means he has plenty of free time to spend with me...where we drink, gossip, and watch Poireaux (the agatha christie detective, it's super good) Saturday night was a friend's birthday so we got suuuuuuuper drunk and I ate a fondue bowl of chocolate. No regrets, chocolate is the best. And then my lovely boy made me food the next morning, just perfect.
So I guess I'm not totally miserable, still miserable but things have the potential to look up. I just have to stop watching this movie because I've watched it twice now and just thinking about it get's me crying. Like in the lobby today talking to this first year. She's all like 'omg do you need a hug' and I'm like 'no man I got this I just have to stop thinking about it' ...so I try not to think about it in public.
Walking around my house and sobbing profusely is safe though.
But really I just wanted to write this blog to thank the people I love and who are there for me, even the ones that don't realize they're there for me. I love you and thank you.

Beware The Groove!

I think I might post twice tonight or just write 2 and then post one tomorrow because I feel like so much is going on and I haven't posted in forever which is a lie I posted 3 days ago!
Here we go!
So the other day, Tuesday when I had planned to write this out, I realized around noon that I was signed up for this groove class at my dance studio where I pole dance....how did this happen I thought to myself?
I honestly have no memory of ever looking at the studio schedule and going yeah I think groove would be a good idea, on a Tuesday, when usually I just sit at home or see Alfred or something. I didn't even know what groove was! Why would I sign up for it! (I fear, yet to be confirmed, that Alfred signed me up for it because he secretly no longer wants to hang out with me anymore.)
The course description: Get ready to move around!

.......................................................................................................................what?

That's not a description! 

But my dance studio has a 24 hour cancellation period and the class was that night and yeah, true enough I wasn't going to do anything anyways so I went.

My first impression, everyone in this class is strange and appear to be socially awkward.

Then this girl showed up and brought glow sticks.....why would we need glow sticks in a dance class I wondered.
I WAS SO LOST! 

And then it all made sense.

My dance instructor turned off the lights and turned on the black lights! We were freaking glow in the dark! Glow sticks everywhere! AND THEN WE DANCED! Well not really....we kinda krumped around the room which was strange being the only coloured kid in the class....

We had a little krump battle, me against this adorable little white girl, needless to say she didn't stand a chance. 

I think the whitest move we did was that ski movement where your legs go back one at a time, very strange.

The best part of course was that it was all to 90'S HIP HOP! So good. Jumping around to Woomp There It Is, Push it, U Can't Touch This.

....And then we had a random moment that was all about working your gluts (AKA your butt). My teacher just yelled "SPREAD YOUR LEGS LIKE MAGIC MIKE IS ABOUT TO FRISK YOU!" (she had just purchased Magic Mike that morning=bad for your health) And we proceeded to seduce the wall with bootylicious goodness. It was a little awkward, just a smidgen. 

But then we shook it out around the room. It was a lot of fun! And I'm glad I went....of course Wednesday morning my body didn't want to function and just cried at me for all the hours I was awake before I forced it to go patrol the library...

One day I'll pay my body back for being so understanding.

Until then...I've signed up for Groove next week! It's gunna be good!!

Peace out peeps!

Lord, Let Me Be A Call Girl

Hey Readers,
I'm going to make this super fast because Alfred is on his way, I haven't done dishes in like 4 days and I haven't seen him since....I feel like it's been 2 weeks....but that's probably a lie I can't keep track of the days.
....And about my last post...Yeah I was really drunk and when I said chail I meant jail but I think it was mostly understandable. And GUESS WHO ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK THE NEXT MORNING!? Clark Kent. Yeah bitches, I think I won that battle.
But let's talk about the real heart of the matter here...
World!
I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE!!!

Ok so maybe not, I don't want to be all hopped up on drugs and skulking around back alley ways but like a high class escort, a courtesan, a call girl! A girl in high demand that people have to go through a selection process to have the privilege to be with ME!
I know, I know if Gnomiomy is reading this she is probably shaking her head in shame but it is more likely she has chosen to disregard my blasphemous tendencies. P. Bob is probably just laughing her ass off and will threaten me later to tell my dad when she next sees him at the gym. (Don't tell Ivor, he'll never be able to handle the truth about his little girl)
But seriously, I think my real inner whore started to come out at a friend's birthday party this summer when we were drunk on chatroulette. Everyone on chatroulette is either looking for boobs or 12 year old boys....looking for boobs. And then every now and then you get a group of girls who are just looking for guys who are looking for boobs so that they can scream and go to the next page. Seems like a perfectly useful website, what could go wrong....(I'm rolling my eyes)
Anyways, drunk me was all down for the boobs. Luckily P.Bob was not so down, saved me a few times. I still got a couple though.
Well low and behold, Cecilly actually gets drunk the other day. Yes I have drunk since returning to school but not like this. It was the Vodka shots I think! BLAME MY WHORISHNESS ON PRISCILLA! <--she wanted to do the vodka shots and it was her vodka so naturally it's all her fault.Yup!
Right so I was super drunk and I go for a walk with some guys who I plan to make my new best guy friends because they're soooo freaking awesome, I'll let them know one day of my plans. And I come back and this kid is sitting in a director's chair in the living room. Like one of those old, very uncomfortable, wood and cloth, high up chairs. And he just looks at me and says "Cecilly, Dance!"
Naturally I can not dance, I lack the ability to normal human dance but there is one kind of dance I can do...."I only know how to pole dance" I say. Naturally I think I have figured my way out of this, not that drunk me really cares. And then Antonio, who is just sitting on the floor with this second year girl!
"Just imagine there's a pole!"
And I did you guys, I could see the pole in my head, I knew a routine! We had just learned it in Dirty Dancing last week! I WAS GOING FOR IT!!
And then sober Cecilly (who, shhh, sounds a lot like Alfred) was like 'girl what do you think you're doing, you're in public and these people will remember this tomorrow!' and drunk Cecilly was like 'but' and sober Cecilfred was like 'just say no!'
....So I said no, be proud my Gnomikins! I did not make a fool of myself and I did not strip for the Phoenix!

I hit Antonio for it today, he's not even sorry! Said he would get me next time....great now I gotta watch my back. But there's a whole month before the next party.

So maybe I won't be a prostitute....though I bet I'd make fantastic money and I would never have to worry about paying for school or loan debt....
I guess I'll just have to suffice with putting on ridiculous, ill fitted shades of lipstick, watching Secret Diaries of a Call Girl and taking pole dancing classes.
C'est la vie.
Alfred and I are going to Willows Beach, rain already ruined my hair today, what's a little walk gunna do.