ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
le people who read my blog I acknowledge your presence, I acknowledge you think I'm cool enough for your weekly routine, I acknowledge that there are many things I wish to write to you about since school has restarted but I have not the energy.
You know what's difficult? Being happy against your will ALL THE TIME!!
Something rather awful has happened recently in my life (no, no one has died fear not) and I just feel so terrible all the time (not terrible as if I did something wrong but terrible as in depressed) but I'm not depressed and I know this I can't imagine what depression must be like but probably like looking at life through a tube with a black force pressing down on you.
I do not feel like that...I guess I'm just sad. That's more accurate but like no one would ever know that I'm feeling sad because during the day it's like I'm floating on top of the world with an anchor of sadness tying me down.
Which has translated to people going...wtf is wrong with Cecilly she's so freaking happy all the time, how awful. I KNOW!
And now all you reading are like wow...this girl is on drugs isn't she? That makes all this make a whole lot of sense...
Well...yes and no? I'm not on drugs or happy pills or anything but I take Omega3 (fish oil) pills which are for your heart to make it healthy and since my heart will probably give out by 30 because I like Mexican food too much, my father feels that they're good for me and I can't disagree. But they improve so many things, your heart, lungs, bones, joint pain, and mental health! (something about insulating nerve cells in the brain or something) It's basically like a happy pill that isn't meant to be a happy pill but will help your happy levels out anyways.
Which you know is fine...I don't mind being happy but it also makes me feel more inclined to tell people things...I don't trust people enough to tell them such important things about my life...so I tell select people. I look at all my friends and go duck duck duck Goose! Because everyone knows ducks can't be trusted so I have to take a chance on the geese in my life (I think I have about 3 full fledged geese I would trust with the secrets of my existence)...which is basically just Antonio because I know he could not give a rip but won't tell me to go away and he won't tell anyone else because he doesn't like betraying people.
Yeah girls. Get yourself a good guy friend...who doesn't read your blog and will never find out you call him Antonio.
Also girls! Don't fall for your guy friends they're your friends who are boys why do you feel inclined to make them your boyfriends! ...well I guess guys do this too. Whatever make yourselves miserable...or get married. or both. Both may be for you.
Whatever! We're not talking about Cecilly issues. We're talking about what happened at work today!
So I work at the library as you may know from my pathetic ex running away from me there posts. And there are always these 2 black guys there when I work.
Now black people have this silent agreement or whatever that when you see another black person on the streets, in the library, at the beach you will smile/nod/ usually say hello. Lord knows if I know why! But my father ingrained it in me when I was a young child and I can't help but do it now and I'm no where near him. Maybe it's just a first world problem because there are so many white people around . Maybe it's just a way to acknowledge that there is another person of your colour walking around in your city who's ancestors experienced racism and slavery just like your ancestors. Just a common understanding that when you see each other you must nod to acknowledge your related ancestor struggles or like a "man, those white people you know?" (to any other black people reading this who feel offended, I'm sorry)
So there are these 2 black guys that are ALWAYS there and they're pretty good. I've never caught them eating, I know they do because sometimes they have tupperware or garbage on their desks but they're quiet and they seem pleasant so I'm not going to be like I see you've eaten next time don't. And we always smile and acknowledge the other's ancestors or whatever.
So today I'm almost off work I'm so revved to get out of the library and I'm walking back to the loan desk and one of them smiles at me as I'm walking by and turns like normal people do to ask me a question and he's like "how are you?"
IMMEDIATE SUSPICION!
But I am Canadian so I must be polite...."I'm good thanks how are you?"
I pray please all mighty powers of the world and anything else that this man just wants computer help on which I know nothing about.
"I'm good, I'm good...so what's your name?" oooooono!
I should have lied! I would have if I had not a name tag!
"oh that's a nice name, so you work here?" "mmhmm..." "cool cool so can I get your number?"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why sir! I work in the library! I acknowledge you because we are both black! I have, to my knowledge, never made any advances or indications that I find you either attractive or that I want you! NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE MY NUMBER!
So like every girl in this situation I lie and say oh I have a boyfriend thanks...which he didn't seem to care about. Like he was going to be better than my non-existent boyfriend I just had to give him my number and he would prove that.
....
I did not give him my number.
But he had wasted the last 5 minutes of my shift and I ran back to the Phoenix where it is safer and I don't worry about random people I don't know trying to engage with me.
So there you go.
That's what this blog post was about but I don't edit so if you've made it this far I would tell you to forget that first part but I'm not going to go back and delete all that.
Sigh how to be pathetic? See Cecilly.
Lols bye!
