well my friends,
Anita and I have returned from the land of the free or whatever they like to call themselves or as we here in Canada like to call them AMURICA!
Yes we went on a brief little road trip. Just a quick 3 day little jaunt down to Portland, Oregon cause were hella cool like that!
And before my fellow Canadians yell sacriledge on me here for not going somewhere in Canada. I live in the lower mainland...my only option was really north or inwards towards Alberta and I am in no way ready to drive up the Coquhihala in winter let alone through the rockies.
So I went where we have like weather, a place I've visited many a time in my youth. Oregon.
Here are some golden moments from the trip:
1: Stopping for a McD's dinner in a little village right outside the national guard. All the stores were army uniform/supply related. There was a 1$ Chinese Food restaurant....chinese food should never be anything less than 10$ that stuff has got to be expensive to make. And it was called Wok Inn Wok Out...which you know maybe they just spelled in wrong...or maybe there are tiny compartments you can stay in over night in the back of the restaurant...the building was super tiny.
(there may have been other things between then and the hotel but I didn't have to drive anymore and got super tired)
2: Waiting 10 minutes at the hotel to check in because the front desk was left unattended by a woman named Doris...Doris who I swear never worked for more than 10 minutes at a time and was constantly outside smoking. They even had one of those bells you ring for service...it didn't work...we could have checked ourselves in because all the doors into the desk area were left open...
3: The first thing Anita and I whom are avid knitter/sewer/crafty people do is head to a place called The Fabric Depot...keep in mind we arrived on a Saturday night at 7:30pm. This place closed at 9...that would never happen in Canada. There were sales everywhere! IT WAS AMAZING! 75$ of fabric later we had our first purchase and it was only 8:30!
4: We made it all the way to Portland on one tank of gas because my mother's car is amazing...then Anita tried to put the gas station attendent out of work by pumping the gas herself at a full service gas station. And I turned the wrong way onto a one way street...luckily we figured it out before the cars came at us.
5: Woke up several times in the night thinking I had missed breakfast which ended at 9am. Finally when Anita got up I figured it must be late!
"What time is it!?" "3am." "Omg here I was worrying that I had missed breakfast!" But we were both just thirsty from ridiculously salty chinese food.
Day 2: SUNDAY FUNDAY SHOP HOPPING
1: The news claims that Lebron James is the best sports player in the world...This sets off a ridiculous amount of jokes about Lebron playing ridiculous sports: "Lebron is a master curler, he beat Team Norway all by himself. His arms are so long he throws and sweeps!"
At the boarder scenario "What's that long black thing sticking out the back of your car?" "Oh that's just Lebron James's arm he's hiding. Hide and Seek just got added to the Olympics?"
This is still going on.
2: We went looking for a store in a house dedicated specifically to socks...we got lost the first time but eventually we found it after several more bridge crosses! It was magical.
3: We ate at a typical American Diner in a mall that was massive...they had a skating rink too but we avoided that.
4: Went to Powell's Books...huge used book store! Bought several plays and ground my teeth as the obviously theater students in the next row over talked obnoxiously loud about nothing to do with books or the section we were in...they didn't buy anything I don't know why they were there. But I didn't yell at them because I thought that would be wrong to yell at others in my field.
5: We got back to our hotel that didn't seem too sketchy to our room door already open. Don't worry we weren't robbed. Guess room service just didn't close it properly when they left...they didn't have to clean but they did and put all our clothes away...don't worry we checked. all our underwear was still there.
6: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was on! I freaked out about Snape. We cried about having to go home. We had a grand time!
Day 3: BOO MONDAY
1: Because we realllllllly didn't want to go home we decided to take a nice scenic route home and by scenic I mean go completely out of the way to Tillamook! It's on the coast and we thought let's go to the cheese factory!
So we did. We tasted the cheese. We didn't buy any because we didn't know if it would make it back to Canada with us. We carried on.
2: Driving up and along the coast was great...until the gps told us to turn down a road to get to Astoria...oh we turned down that road. We were joking about hillbillies on the dirt roads...and what do we see.
Well he probably wasn't a hillbilly but he was a very creepy man. Standing by a driveway half hidden by some rocks and just standing with his hands behind his back looking hella creepy......we were like...yeah no....Found a place to turn around...He was still there on the way back and he was holding hedge clippers behind his back! It was terrifying! Like what the hell man! Are you the distraction so that your brother uncle can jump out at us down the road and we crash and you eat us!? We'll never know. We carried onto Astoria along the coast and it was lovely.
3: We ate lunch/breakfast in Astoria because we wanted the seafood. Anita did it right with a heaping platter of deep fried things. I had clam chowder and a taco omlette. Was great. Also listening to the greek people behind us were also hilarious. Talking about how they were going to split up property and where to put the dead bodies and maybe if Danny's girlfriend hadn't lied about her age they wouldn't hate her. Clearly Danny is either too old or too young to have a 17 year old girlfriend...great morning conversation. That and the fishermen at the next table. Great stop.
4: We carried on home up Highway 30. For those of you that know this route you'll know we drove basically 2 hours way out of the way. And then basically back to Portland to get up to Seattle. It was a long trip through nothing...dead mossy looking trees. I don't know how those people battle the seasonal depression cause there is nothing out there! We came to what looked like a millvillage called Wauna. On one side of the highway was the mills and such. And the only thing other than a house every mile or so was a big red barn with pictures of pole dancers in the windows! Clearly a strip club. On the side of the barn was painted U-Wauna....excellent name for a strip barn club thing....depressing town. But man I think it's just Oregon is really into that kind of thing! So many peepshows and the likes in Portland it was crazy. I was warned but not prepared!
5: We stopped for crafty things because we're crafty people and they're cheaper in the states.
6: We stopped for liquor and sent a 75 cent text to find out how much we could bring home! Anita's parents are cool like that.
7: We waited something like 2 hours in the border line up unhappy because some people are hella rude and find ways around the line and cut in! Hella. Rude. Yeah lady in the van who budged in and then didn't let the truck in front of you! I'm talking to you! I would have flipped you off but Anita was insistent on keeping the peace.
8:A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF THE ARROGANT WORMS BECAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN AND WE'RE WORTH IT!!!
So yeah it was a great trip. If I could change anything?
I would become the person in charge of road signs for the entirety of the united states so that we could get a little consistency!
Oregon it's like sign over load! People need to watch the road too you know! I can't read everything that comes at me and not hit the people driving around me too! I don't need a reminder every .5 miles what the speed limit is unless it changes or theres an entrance.
I don't need 3 bump a head signs and then a bump sign with an arrow pointed right at the bump. It's a little excessive
WASHINGTON HOWEVER COULD USE SOME FREAKING SIGNS!
No wonder your drivers suck! You watch the toddle in and out. No one signals! They hug the freaking line around corners!
There is never a sign for corner or turn or curve in the road ahead! And honestly I feel like, and I might be crazy here! But if you used one of those every now and then! Especially on the freeway where you've got this big swooping turns cause no one ever wants to build a straight road these poor washingtonians would not feel the need to come to a complete stop at every curve in the road! Were travelling down the freeway at 70(like 130km/h) and suddenly everyone comes to a dead halt! PEOPLE HIT PEOPLE! ITS DANGEROUS!
No regulations. It's very unsettling!
Anyways. We made it back. I have wine, clothes and plays. I think I'm good.
