New Year New Me?

Honestly, and I don't want you to think I'm entering 2015 in a negative funk (much different then a positive funk that can make you feel like that new Bruno Mars song)

Totally positive here on the brink of a new year.

I just think this New Year New Me thing is stupid. 

Every day is a new day.

Every day is a chance to be a new you.

There's no reason you should have to wait for the 1st of January to start doing something with your life.

That's why I don't make New Years resolutions. 

If you really want to disappoint yourself. Go ahead make a resolution. 

You wanna lose weight? 

Well you haven't started yet, why is that?

Oh there were just so many good things to eat September through December.

Well I'm not disagreeing.

September is the start of pumpkin season. 

My favorite season.

Pumpkin Pie. Pumpkin Cheese Cake. Pumpkin tarts (small pies so we feel better about eating 5 of them) Pumpkin scones. Pumpkin Muffins and of course PSL! Pumpkin Spice Lattes!!

Yes it's hard to ignore such a delicious treat that only seems to come once a year.

And then October well.

If you're Canadian! Thanksgiving!

And on sale Halloween Candy.

And then November hits!

EGG NOG delicious beverage that only comes once a year!

If you're American. Thanksgiving! (Imagine if you're an american in Canada. You get two thanksgivings!) 

And then December

Christmas Hanukkah Chrismukkah for those OC die hards!!

Yeah there's a lot of food in there but you can still have it all in portions and continue to work out of whatever active people do. 

New Years?! Well yes that's a lot of alcohol to embibe! But as long as it's not an every day every week kind of life. A little alcohol here and there won't hurt you.

So basically fall through winter you've gone into hibernation cause you've decided not to fight the food battle. 

So you resolute.
New Year New You

but how long will that last? 

Until next fall maybe if you're lucky!

You wanna lose weight start when you think "hmmm I should lose weight."

You wanna go on a trip to a warm place but are short on cash? 

Get a savings account connected to when your paycheques come in so you don't even have to think about putting the money aside it does it for you.

So I guess what I'm saying is stop procrastinating.

You want a New You? 

Go out and make it happen!

Without the pressure of the New Years Resolution guilt constantly around your neck

Rudolph The Red Nosed Range Rover

If you know me.
Or should I say.
If you know me around Christmas the thing that annoys me the most! Is when people put those stupid antlers and red tufts on their cars! Your car is not a reindeer! It is not rudolph! It is not cute!!
I can't remember when this started happening. Early 2000s perhaps but at the same time. WHY?! did it happen.
What about a reindeer car appeals to people?
Have their brains been rattled?

I think the worst thing I've seen so far this year is a blue honda with antlers and a nose....but then it also had eye lashes.
EYE LASHES!
Which means year round this person has eye lashes on their car to? What? Humanize it?
That's weird.
But then they took an extra step just for christmas and turned their car into a she- reindeer (i'm saying she because I feel like if they wanted their car to be manly they would have stuck a beard or thick eyebrows on it.)
(and yes I'd still judge them for that too)

But has anyone thought about what this could open the car decorating game up to.

Bunny cars for easter!
Change that red tuft for a white one and put it on the trunk. ears instead of antlers!

Cars night out on the town!
You've already got the eye lashes. Put some lips on the bumper.
Hang some dangly earrings from the side mirrors or better yet. BEDAZZLED SIDE MIRROR STICKERS! Make em look like diamonds!

Thanksgiving?
Put a pilgrim hat on the roof! Turkey feathers on the trunk!

Why not!?
If you're going to be ridiculous for one holiday you might as well be ridiculous for all of them.
I'll just be over here.
Judging you.

Run Away Buggy

Oh so I haven't posted in 3 months. 

Give me a break I've been super busy. Mostly cause I'm incredibly stupid and thought one busy job wasn't enough and should take on a second job front of housing a Shakespeare festival to stay connected with my theatreness as I'm swamped with the stupidity of tourists and coworkers...well most of my coworkers (I don't know why but I'm about to nickname my coworkers beat related things...except for Michael because he is a douche bag and will one day get a huge rant post about him) Smokey is very sweet and Mama Bear is my favorite cause she doesn't take shit and will ream you out for being an asshole and you probably deserve it so stop your bitching. 

Anyways I've been really busy since basically June with the graduating university and my darling gnomes perfect wedding and the Phoenix drama u shouldn't even be privy to anymore but somehow am. But this. 

And if I could draw you a picture I would. 

Deserved recognition. 

So the other day I was in transition to my next job after several hours of housekeeping and the bus I was on was travelling up Douglas, probably one of the busiest streets in Victoria. And the bus is slowing down to stop and the light had juuuust turned green for us when this horse and carriage goes careening across Douglas, running a red light. 

This 

I must admit is something I never expected to see

Mostly because it's 2014, the horse and carriage as a form of personal transport isn't common in canada unless it's Amish territory, and I'm not at a stampede. 

But alas. There before my eyes was a runaway carriage.

And it was comical because the lady carriage driver was standing on the front of the carriage like a jockey whipping the reigns like she had expected to make the yellow.

And the two tourists in the back were clutching theirs hats to their heads and holding onto the sides of the carriage for dear life and the woman was quite rightly screaming!

It was funny to see I wish u could draw it for you. 

Now carriage rides are a totally normal tourist attraction in Victoria. Rain or shine at least 30 go by my inn any given day but I thought they had very set routes that didn't cross Douglas because there's so much traffic there. I could be totally wrong to think that but it would make sense since they are (except on this occasion) very large slow moving things. 

I could be wrong they may cross Douglas all the time. 

Nevertheless. 

I don't think that driver was getting tipped. 

Unless she lucked out and got the wild tourists. 

The Honk!

My new life in apartment living has opened my eyes to all the different honks in the world.
And I'mma share em with you now.

It starts with the simple, standard monday morning dumptruck.
And I'm talking every monday morning even holidays the dump truck comes to empty!
Around 7am you're gunna hear a beep,beep,beep,beep for about 2 minutes and then a HONK HONK! as the dump truck backs out into oncoming traffic and just prays no ones gunna hit him...which is stupid, there must be a better way to be a dump truck.

Now the location of my building is between two intersections on Mckenzie.
One intersection is the start of a hill then there's a little bit of slump and then more hill. And lord you can bet that slump causes a whole lot of trouble.
Which brings us to honk number two
The HONK HONK
the honk honk is reserved for bitches who be trying to turn in the slump areas. We've got the ones who can't see over the slump and have a long line of cars behind them who are pissed off because they keep missing their chances to turn cause, once again, they can't see.
Or for the people in the slump trying to turn left in rush hour who can't be getting through and the line behind them that are mad they've decided to turn there.
(Truth is there should just be a darn barrier there so no one can turn)

Then we got the LOOOOOOONG.
This is for the guy who's going 60 down the hill on his phone not paying attention to the suddenly stopping traffic up ahead and manages to stop just in time, usually accompanied by the squealing of tires.
It can also be found when one of those cars trying to turn in the slump takes the rash decision to go for it! and nearly gets taken out by the oncoming traffic they couldn't see.
This honk is usually accompanied by a "LEARN TO DRIVE ASSHOLE" or similar words of caution and anger.

The LOOOOOOONG is often followed by the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
From the person who made the rash turn, or almost got hit by the idiot not watching the traffic up ahead. Though the former is totes in the wrong they'll usually throw a "fuck you" back at the other cars. Why? They think they're pretty fly drivers.
They're wrong.

Then there's the two am LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
And it's at two am and there's not a lot of people on the road so I just usually assume that a raccoon is in danger or owls are dive bombing cars which i don't really care about so I roll over and go back to bed.

And last but I'm sure not least, a new one I just heard this morning. This is probably the most life altering...of course I still didn't get out of bed to see what had happened but I was intrigued.
This morning....probs like 5am cause the light was up but lord it was no time for me to be awake.
I heard, right out side my window in the slump, a TOOT TOOT "You ok man?" Like a oh hello bro over here just slowly approaching you in my car I see you have a problem and I was wondering if you needed help honk?
So I assumed the dude being honked at must be in like some sort of dilemma.
Hit by a car
Broken down car
Flat tire (lols see how the chain of my brain works up there)

But the dude was like "No man, I'm good".....You're good?
......
Well ok bye

And the other car just drove off. By cool you're fine whatever his dilemma was.
I still didn't look out the window but I was THOROUGHLY intrigued.
Peace out car drivers,
And when in doubt, honk it out.

On Sunday We Make Eggs Benedict

So the summer or life as my father likes to call it has at last begun. 

Today was my first day of work as well as Auroras first day. Needless to say we are now incredibly exhausted!!!

The day began at 5 am. I had to be at work for 6:30 to make the breakfast.  But it is Sunday. And on Sundays busses don't start until like 7. Soooo. I could have walked but if you know me you know I don't fucking walk if I have a choice. And it was my first day of work so I sucked it up and took a cab. And walked a little way. 

It was very nice. A peaceful start to the morning. No one but the garbage men and the bike patrol around downtown. 

And the day started!

The woman in the kitchen with me also isn't the usual kitchen person so we had a pretty good time cutting up fruit and making muffins and more and more people showed up. 

And we're all pretty young bwhich is nice. We all speak the same language. 

And then the time came to make the eggs Benedict. Now I hadn't made this until Thursday. I made it for earl cause I figured I should practice. 

The first two times I made the hillandaise sauce I wasn't communicating yolk properly from eyes to brain and made it with egg white which was very confusing because I knew it was supposed to be yellow. Luckily it was packaged sauce for breakfast so I didn't fuck up the nice peoples breakfast. 

I'm probs never going to finish this post as I thought it should be. But that's what I've got. 

Tada!!!!

Jello Shots Shots Shots

Loooooooord,
Aurora my roommate and Earl have decided to throw a Space Jam party in our apartment tomorrow night.
Which is essentially a get together of us and our friend, whom I shall call Antoinette, playing the Space Jam drinking game which I'd like to note Aurora and I have done once before and almost didn't live to speak of.
It wasn't nearly as bad as the Beauty and the Beast drinking game but that's because you have to drink every time they say Gaston as well as every line of Gaston so that song alone you drink everything you own.
But the Space Jam one is pretty intense.
I can't tell you how it started.
Something about Jello was said which I'd like to note I don't like Jello and then they decided we should make Jello shots and drink them while watching Space Jam and that's basically it.
That's the whole plan.
So we just made 60 (probably actually 55) Jello shots in Red Orange and Green (the colors are insignificant)
And then Earl! For whatever reason told us (LIED TO US) that they had to be frozen because of the vodka in them which doens't even make that much sense because vodka doesn't freeze when it's in the freezer.
But apparently neither of us actually know how to make Jello Shots so we went along with it and cleared some space in the freezer which we don't have room for because of all my delicious bacon in there.
And then what do I do?
I look at the instructions because Earl is known for his lies.
And YUP!
HE LIED!
We could have put them all in the fridge, nicely on a tray, where there's plenty of freaking room!!!
So we'll wait.
We'll wait until he's gone to move the shots onto the fridge try with the rest of them....
Right now they're making Fake Bailey's Mousse.
Fake Bailey's because it's not Bailey's  but tastes the same.

Also our sink blew up.
I don't know what to do about these things because where I come from sinks don't blow up.
But Aurora called the building manager and he'll come tomorrow I guess....
All she says is thank goodness it's not the fridge, it's blown up twice
I don't know
I guess I'll have to get dressed in the morning...

~Drink More Stress Less~
Words to live by from Earl

Maple Ridge Make Out Point

Every city needs a make out point. 

That's what we figure out while I was back in the ditch last week. But we couldn't think of one place that would be a good place to park, say "isn't it a beautiful night. Look at the stars," arm stretch and make out. 

Followed by serial killers, zombies, vampires, werewolves and so on. 

Without a make out point. Your town will never be the realistic location of a criminal minds episode or d-list cheesy teen movie. 

And that would be a traumatic loss for the town. 

So my friends and I went a scoping for the best make out location in ridge to remedy this. 

We drove across all the mountain tops and found very little BUT! We found a temporary location. Up above srt where the gravel pit used to be and they haven't  built houses yet. It's temporary I expect houses on the cul de sac will be built by the fall. 

You're welcome

Fuck awkwardly away my ridge bunnies. 

Meanwhile I still think the Pitt meadows ball diamonds facing the air port is the most fantastic spot. 

But don't go there under incriminating circumstances or park where the police can catch you. 

That's my advice. 

That's all. 

Have a grand day!