The Last Piece of Cheese Cake

I just dropped my last piece of cheese cake.
No that's not a metaphor
It legit just happened
But as it was happening on this day which has been the release of 3 weeks of awful I thought to myself....how fucking cliche are you you stupid piece of cake!
For the last 3 weeks, since basically the day I got back I have been enraged.
By my people in the Phoenix, by my school work, by my friends.
Not to toot my own horn but I do a shit ton of shit for that god damn apartment and just once in a while I would like a thank you and a well done not a
why are you so upset?
Can you do this on top of all that
I saw those messages you sent out asking me to do my job but I ignored them and pissed around over here for a while.

People wonder why I drink so much!? It's cause of the fucking incompetency! The blatant rudeness of my peers! The sheer inconsiderateness of the people whom I am supposed to trust and call friends!
Which leads to me trusting no one. When I can't even trust you to make a simple facebook post, there is a serious problem. It's not hard. You're already on facebook all the time!!

What I need is to get out of the phoenix once in a while, but i have no time to get out of the Phoenix because there's all this god damn stuff that needs to get done IN the Phoenix or with Phoenix people!!!

So yeah, i've been angry for 3 weeks. I've been called ridiculous and ignored by my teachers. I've had outrageous expectations put upon me by my peers and yes some of the things I did ask to do! Those are the things I want to do. I don't want to be signed up for things involuntarily just thrown about willy nilly. I have a freaking analysis to write that I have hardly started.
The past 2 weekends I have just gotten shit face drunk because I don't want to deal with things. It's not healthy I know this but I don't see things getting easier so I don't stop.

And alllllllllll of this accumulated, all of this anger and frustration and axiety until last night Aurora and I got drunk and watched Tangled on a sunday night. We both had classes this morning. We knew it but we drank anyways and had perogies and things seemed to be alright. I went to directing and my teacher wasn't a flaming ball of douche and I thought how refreshing. I went to musical history and we watched Al Jolson in blackface and though everyone was a little awkward because I'm the only black kid in the room I was like eh it's fine, he's pretty believable I'm not offended don't be offended and we all got over it.
Then we waited and we sat through the break and we went to Singing for the Stage where once again Josh was just the epitome of rude to me and to the theatre students and I thought for fucks sake. This kid is fucking insane and disruptive like he will get up in the middle of the class and walk off somewhere!! Usually when one of us is talking.
And then I've got this first year who's like he doesn't really hate all of us and I'm like fuck you child. If he hates the fourth years he hates you it doesn't matter if you get private singing lessons with the teacher or not.
And then my teacher was handing back our essays which I knew mine was rude. He told us to write it in "our" style. Had it been write an essay it would have been formal and acceptable but he said my style so I wrote how I think. Which doesn't come off well on paper and I knew it but I didn't give a single fuck because why would I want to research this person for a class that is causing me strife after I've been told I'm ridiculous and know nothing by a teacher I once respected.
So an hour of tears and anger and yelling about Josh which as far as I'm concerned is just my teacher refusing to take control of the situation. We're "adults" we should be able to handle things. But what is an "adult"? No one ever changes. 4 years of university and working in jobs. There's always gossip, bitching, someones always not going to get along and they may not act like an "adult"! It's just a fact of life.
I don't know if anything got fixed in that but I didn't go to smutco. I let them figure it out.
I cried, I felt better, I think I left my teacher enormously confused and then I went to a lovely dinner with my comfort family.
Monday night,
Comfort food,
Good people

And things seemed pretty good. I looked at everything that had happened today and leading up to it and just thought
fuck it.
What can I do.

So today as I was choosing to eat the last piece of this cheese cake over opening a bottle of wine and I don't know I guess I turned to fast trying to balance the plastic tray.
Then of course I tried to hit it as it was falling to the floor
I just thought.
Yup,
This is fucking life.
You can't eat an entire cheese cake without having a couple bumps and tumbles along the way.
Sometimes it sucks and you can't stop it from splattering all over the ground
But you have the choice to give up and leave it there or scrape it back onto the plate and finish what you started.
And I'm just fat enough to choose scraping it back onto the plate and continue on eating it, dirt and all.

The Filing Cabinet of Dangerous Monsters (rated R depending on how intoxicated I am)

You know when life is so bad any little thing can set your spirits soaring?
That's me right now.
2 hours ago when i was going to start this post I was super pissed off.  In that time I watched For A Good Time Call-, ate cake and am really drunk on possibly the worst wine ever and it's not getting better!!

But let me explain to you the anger within me.

You look at me and ou see perhaps a normal 21 year old girl who is not quite black not quite white but boardering on potentially asian looking.
Now squint your eyes and turn that girl into an oddly coloured filing cabinet with 8 drawers all tightly and carefully locked up. But within those drawers are the most dreadful terrible things you can imagine.
firey mountain lions with sharp razzor  red hot metal claws. gnashing teeth, dragons and evil mermaids that shoot poinsonous spit and what not! Yes each drawer has a different monster dreadful to behold!! And they're all trying to get out.
These are the 8 most prominent current issues in my life that are causing me strife and I try very hard to keep them locked away for were they to be unleashed all those in the immediate area would be destroyed!!!!
We must keep the drawers closed so that the beasts may have time to cool and simmer and maybe when they have come to grips and i have come to terms with the iassues at hand then I shall look back on them and move tohme  to a different filing cabinet....my brain is like occulemency. ah yes this is just one giant harry potter post!! nooooo I'm just drunk.
have you ever just leaned back in your chair alike gotten into a real comfortable position and closed your eyes and then just typed that's what i'm doing ght now. probslg gunna have to go back and spell chekc this cause I know a lot of what I'm typing is wrong but maybe I WON'T! maybe I'll leave it. Cecilly! Reala! Raw! UNCHAINED!!! lols like I coul d be in a cage match.
But ok ok back on topic.
I don't want to be angry no no no not a lall. People simply enrage me on puropse to see how I'l handle things!! Like I'm in fourth year now excuse you and I just really want to graduate without killing someone and then Aurora and I can move into her apartment together and we'll be happy and start a sex line and make shit tons of money like in For A Good Time Call! Yes it is us!!! not really neither of us are like the girls in it but i tcould be great and we would have pink phones and be super cute!!!
do like random pictures and memes ever flash up on your eyelids. I't slike my eyeslids are the ceiling for the arena in hunger games and the pictures are the falledn tributes!!!
Defs gunna need to edit in the ....sometime.

Oke but yes anger. So I'm angry.
I'm angry about school because it's full of stupid people/ that's legit right?! people who are just so stuck on themselves I can't be bothered!

I'm angry at directing cause I don't like any of the plays or feel there needs to be something better about this scene than the last bug t t he last one was bascically perfection n minus stella being a stupid bitcha and ruinining thnhings and then not apologizing. Like no it's not petty. stella must be about fifty and the fact that she knows ths'e sin the wrong has said she should apologize to me serveral times but still hasn't si just pathetic....of course she may be scared of me. several people are but if you don't make me angry there's no reason to be scared! ararwrawar. And thgen peters  iouor teacher called me ridiculous for not liking any of the plays because i'm only 32 snf not edcuated on theatre yet like at all which you know he partly has a point but you can't tell me what I can cannd can't like! I can not like things because were supposed to be doing realism and i don't fing the conversations taking place in these plays realistic!! that's a ligit claim.......there are finger prints on my roof. I hthink they've been there since before I moed in three years ago but I'm never sure and I'm not tall enough to touch the ceiling so i'll never know where they came from unless it was alfred but i don't it.

I'm angry naucsios about the smutlcal theatre goroup i run because we go up in 2 weeks and I'm worried were just not going to tget it together like I bleived but it's always there in the back of my mind like what iff........

I'm mad that there are theses little black bugs that showed up out of no where! in my house! I don't know what they are! They're not flies they're not fruit flies!
It's not like an infestation though. It's like one shows up every 3 days and I ckill it right away because it's not smart enough to run.....I think like they may have comefrom the box of clay i brought home but I just down't know!!

One of the cabinets is something I'm not actually angry at SHOCKING! . Remember that post back back back that was like hmmm i have an obcessions! well that obsession is still going and though it brings me great joy to think about it also causes me a lot of strife and I'm definitely going crayz because of it and I'm not talking to myself at hom enot just to the ffurit in the grocery store. that's an issue.  and all my friends are like OMG CCECILLY WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT oYOUR OBESESSION!!! You'ere a 21 YEEAR OLD WOMAN!!! GET OFER IT BUT I"M LIKE NO I ICACAN NOT!!!!!!!! so it makes me happy, drives me crazy, and at the same time causes  everyone else to hate me... that's coolt hough cause people also fall into peolpe I hate

...i shan't talk about the other cabinets they're the most lethal! keep the fiery poison things in the drawers yes.

But the more you know eh!
This is why I drink so much, this is why I'll never be a normal person, this is why i'll probably die by 25.
so Yeah and basically just fuck off

Old Ladies Dancing

Well...it's happening.
I'm starting to look old.

Last night was my dear friend's birthday, she hasn't been mentioned yet but I'm going to call her Daisy. I was gunna call her Waltella but that's not very cute and she's pretty adorbs so I'm gunna name her after that duck.
So it was her birthday. She's turning 22. Having a little quarter life crisis which is normal! I mean I had mine at 20 it sucks. You cry a lot cause you've accomplished nothing thus far in your life. It's very dramatic!

So we went to a club called Touch, it's pretty nice I like it, plays decent music. But you know people get weird when they're drunk and in dark rooms. Here's what I noticed while at the club last night:

1: Either everyone my age looked hella mature at 19 or kids just aren't aging now adays. Those are really the only two options unless victoria's fake id scanner is on the fritz and they're letting 16 year old girls in the club now...it's weird it's creepy I don't like it.

2: I'm wearing knee high boots, leggins and a dress that completely covers me up. I am 90% covered. So why are you hitting on me? Obviously if I was looking for some attention I would be showing some skin but I was just there to dance. Mabe that's the problem now. I stick out cause I'm so covered up people are curious to see what's going on underneath garnering me more attention than less....Also to that blond bobbed girl, should she ever come upon this post. What the hell?! I hit you by accident and said sorry. I didn't know that was some secret invitation for your advances. Did I seem interested? I'm sorry if I did cause I was not!

3: Those people that wear hoodies and toques and scarves to in the club! IT'S BOILING IN THERE! HOW ARE YOU NOT DYING!! though truth be told if you won't take this as a race thing, most of them aren't white people and may come from very warm places so they may actually be cold. But it's very strange.

4: Club music has definitely changed since I was in first year there's a lot more of what I can only describe as bass drops. Which are excellent and exciting but kind of just really funny if you watch the crowd who are just giving it there all and then there's like this big moment of intake, pause everyone's hands go up and woosh crash to the ground and keep dancing. Very intriguing.

5: Why would you be playing the hockey game in a club? True there were several old men who's presence confused me but really. I'm trying to dance and of course Priscilla's staring off into the distance at the scores!

6: When did Victoria get so classy we needed those people who work in bathrooms, 6 different perfumes and a bowl of lollipops? the hell.

There were other things that I can't remember now but all in all it was a good night I must say. Should go dancing more often. Especially when it's free cover for students on saturdays!

The McDonalds afterwards wasn't too shabby either though there were some security there cause I guess this girl tried to steal something. But the guards were nice. Didn't mind that Aurora and Priscilla were taking bets on which of them would win in a fight. One even showed off his special security gloves to us. I was expecting them to be like steel knuckled but I couldn't tell...might have been cause I was drunk.
Probs
Well school starts again tomorrow so don't have any hopes for me to post frequently until May.

Meet 2014

What?
You want a New Years post?
God you people are high maintenance and I'm telling you right now there can only be one high maintenance person in this relationship and it's gonna be me.
But since you requested so kindly I will give you a short little blip of the past present and future. All of which I know very little about.
Last year the resolution was STOP STEALING!
Yay what a good resolution. Now mind you I didn't steal big or important things like money more like little things like umbrellas from the library, which was easy cause I worked there, and tiny pumpkins...which you know were totally left out in the middle of no where...of course when I made the resolution not to steal it was after stealing one of those stupid porch christmas ornaments that people hang. like what is the point of those they infuriate me!
sooooo yeah. I basically succeeded I think. The only thing I stole this year was a pair of headphones I think which was more out of necessity since my ipods home button doesn't work and I need headphones to turn them on it was a dire situation!
What did I do with my New Years Eve? Wellllll while all the peeps of the world were running wild around the world doing ridiculous things and drinking and watching balls drop and what not. I was having the time of my life with Ernesta, Anita, P.Bob, and Sherona! We got drunk, me much more than them I believe, And had a Bob Ross painting competition! It was hilarious! Our paintings were fantastic and completely different from each others!

Anyways I don't know what you want! Do you want my resolution? I don't do resolutions because they're stupid and when people bring up the fact that everyone starts trying to self improve on the 1st of the month when they could start any time they wanted! Humans are dumb.

I guess my goal for the year is to:

1- avoid alcoholism! That's a must! Hopefully will be easier in the new year than it was through first term. But maybe not since I grad in May.

2-Not end up living under the Cambie Street Bridge after graduation cause who knows what happens to fine arts majors after grads

3-Figure out how to manage my boobs. They're getting a little unruly which means I can't hang around upside down without them falling out of my shirt...it is met with mixed reviews. Of course this means...I'll probably have to lose weight...don't hold me to that though I haven't lost weight in 6 years I'm not about to start really trying at 21 though maybe it'll be easier drinking fewer bottles of wines every week.

4-Get a job but isn't that a necessity and less of a goal.

So yeah there you go that's all I've got...

I'm going to go watch Super Fun Night and aim to be like Rebel Wilson/Queen Latifa/ANY SEXALENT-SASSY LADY YOU CAN THINK OF!

Mosey on world.