Lady Fails

Why hello!
Do you know what day it is?! It's Alan Rickman's birthday mothafucka! Yeah! So happy birthday to this attractive old man! (He's 67) No cares! I love him sooooo much!

So now that I've got those out of they way.

A little house cleaning before I actually start.

I said I would send you my birthday present pictures

My Gnome soap that I will probably keep nailed to my wall forever

My nipple, still nicely wrapped atop my cupcake pyramid...all of which have been eaten

And my british hat cheesecake!

Twas a good birthday!! <3 

Valentine's happened (a regular waste of a day if you ask me!) But we did slave for a day auctions. Yours truly was sold for 22$ Pretty freaking good if you ask me!!!

And even better Sergei bought me so that I could make him dinner and clean his dishes and then watch Poireaux and drink wine like the old british couple we are! And of all the things he could have chosen for me to make him...he chose quesidillas...Hella easy to put together but a nightmare to flip! 

But it was still delicious!

He was the proudest slave master I ever had! <3 

Alright! so now that that's out of the way.

It's reading break people! I hate reading break! It's literally a week of me going crazy because I hate my homework and all my friends are busy and the ones that aren't like aren't even my friends anymore so I have no reason to hang out with them! It is soooo annoying!

Which means I have countless hours to scroll tumblr instead of doing homework which means I'm bombarded by things like 

 THIS IS NOT OK PEOPLE! SHE IS THE ANTI-CHRIST! 

....sigh humanity.

But now the point of this post is my lady fails. So if you're squeamish about periods or hella anti-allthingswomanproblems leave.

Have you gone?

Good.

So the last 3 periods of mine I think i've just been really freaking lazy. I ignore all the signs that it's coming, I eat a bunch of nachos, I don't carry around feminine supplies just in case. The laziest lady you'll ever meet. 

Luckily for me last night I was like damn my ovaries hurt...that can only mean one thing! So I got home and ate the rest of my birthday cake which was kind of gross but totally worth it and pms Cec has no regrets! 

Then it actually clicked that I was actually on my period and should probably do something about that unless I wanted to build an arc to traverse a woman made red sea in my living room.

But to be honest. I was on top of this period. Last time I went for like 5 hours being like I don't even care! I hate being a woman! you can not hold me down body!! And just neglected all the things and went for work and walked around for 3 hours. Which was the most excruciating thing. 

My shins always get super achey and if I have to stand for long periods of time I need advil or something but not this time. I was just rebelling. 

Sigh.

If you're reading you're probably like what the heck is this woman doing with her life.

Nothing.

I'm literally doing nothing.

I read my opera pages. I looked at my english. I tried to care about my writing homework. Nothing. 

Leave me to die! I'm going to get the ice cream!

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To.

Soooo yeah,
It was my birthday today.
Normally for my birthday, or at least last year, I lie in bed and cry about making it 2 decades, being legal in Canada and having nothing interesting to live for anymore.
I mean first year of university I turned 19. I got up in the morning and started drinking legally. Went to the liquor store at 11 am when it opened and bought alcohol legally. Ate German food (which isn't illegal but it was damn good!)
...then last year I turned 20. It was miserable. Nothing to live for. 2 decades alive on earth and I haven't accomplished anything of worth. I go to theater school, will I even have a career when I graduate. Freaking depressing man! And my birthday was on the Sunday before reading break so there was absolutely no reason for me to leave my pit of despair (aka bed) except for rehearsal which I went to and then came back home and cried some more.
I figured I would do very much the same thing this year but...I guess things have changed. 21 wasn't terrible. And yeah everyone's like GO TO AMERICA AND DRINK AND BUY CHEAP ALCOHOL! ...but it's like 50$ to take the ferry down to Seattle and back. what a waste just for alcohol I can buy here.
Recently however, I've been going to a friend's house for mexican mondays, where we just eat mexican food on a monday, gossip, meet new people and such. My friend went off to Uruguay 2 weeks ago but I've still been going. Now I'm friends with her roommates and she's freaking awesome! Last night there was just 6 of us there so we were drinking wine.
I'm pretty sure I told you about my last wine drinking experience with Walt  and that didn't end well. But we were drinking red wine last night and maybe that made all the difference. I had an excellent night. We voted people off the tropical island we were deserted on. We planned to go camping for reading break (I don't know if it'll actually happen but I would like to do something). I made new friends! It was a great night and I didn't think I was drunk at all!.....until I got home and lied down. Then the world started to spin. And I woke up this morning and I was definitely still drunk.
But Gumpette bought me some caramilk liqeur so I just put a little in my morning coffee and was set to go!

Yes I've just been slightly drunk all day.

But I think where the huge difference from the last two birthdays to 21 was that when I opened my bedroom door this morning there was no one waiting on the other side to pounce me. or throw streamers. or sing!
It was just me. I made myself breakfast. Got dressed for school not for some special day. But it was great! Sergei and I watched Aladdin, drank mimosas and ate nachos. We had free church dinner! AND THEN!

Aurora got me a soap-on-a-rope gnome! GNOME  SHAPED SOAP! like WHAT?!?! ridiculous but I love it! but I'm not gunna use it! It now hangs in my bathroom. I'm probably going to have to name it...
She also got me...a boob! and I was looking at it completely confused until I saw the nipple! Modern art man! It's weird shit! But I love it!
Next blog I'll take a picture of them and put em up here because they're too good not to be shared!
And this girl, I swear to god she keeps me sane! I don't know what i would do without her! This girl goes and buys me a cheesecake! not a slice! A WHOLE CHEESECAKE!! Luckily I had people to share it with otherwise I would have died. And even though she'll rant that it wasn't the right kind she ordered it was still delicious.
I'm just gunna finish this night off with a bath! and I am just so happy.
So happy birthday to me. Maybe next year I'll even let other people in on it. Though I'd like to point out that only 56 of my 652 friends on facebook wished me happy birthday. I mean really!
...I honestly have no idea who those other 596 are anyways....oh well.

Goodnight!