Resolution Check Up

Yeah yeah I know I haven't posted the last day of my oregon trip yet but I'm angry and I'm drunk so I'm currently DRANGRY!!
Let's see how this post goes.

How you doing world!? 

I just thought I'd check in on you and your resolutions because you know, and if you didn't know! 

IT'S FEBRUARY 1ST TODAY!

Yes that means you're going into the second month of the new year and your resolution I hope is still going strong.

But you know pessimistic me.

I'm pretty darn doubtful that you're still on that bandwagon.

Look at me.

This morning I found out I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months

and now I'm fucking wasted on my living room floor writing this post.

(alcohol is chockerblock full of calories if yall weren't aware and were still trying to lose weight)

Yes I have a glass now and then but nothing like this. but I think I deserve this.

My rage is just soooo prominent it couldn't be denied.

I might even order food still.

Why not. It's not even 7 

THE NIGHT IS YOUNG!

But this post isn't about me. 

It's about you.

Your resolutions.

How you doing?
(And keep in mind I think resolutions are just setting yourself up for failure)

It's interesting how I can tell people are failing their resolutions.

January 4th. I was walking myself up to Royal Oak for the weekly sunday mosey that's about 40 minutes point A to B and then I have to go back. Bleh.

But on this January 4th (I'm not actually sure that was the day) It was a Sunday

A giant mob of neon colored runners went by me! 

Yeeeeess I thought to myself. There are all those resolutioners. Off to a good start on their goals to lose weight.

I nodded stepped aside and allowed them all to flock pass. It was quite a sight.

The next week. 

About half the number I came across. (20)  

And I thought hmmmm. maybe they run different routes every sunday. who knows

don't be so negative of other humans! at least they're trying.

BUT

as January dragged on. the number of people I encounter out walking twindle and twindle.

February 1st and we're pretty much back to the normal amount of runners as there was in Novemeber.

Now and then I see a new face and I'm like Koodos resolutioner! You got this.

But to the rest of yall that have decided to watch The Biggest Loser at home on the couch and feel better about yourselves by thinking man I'm so much better than those fattasses. 

I hope you walk by a mirror real soon and see for yourself the failure you've inflicted.

At least they're trying. 

Though in some totally insane weightloss competition which I don't believe is healthy at all.

I mean I'd love to lose 10 pounds every week but I know that an average of 2 is something to be proud of!

TAKE THE SMALL VICTORIES!!!!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Put down that cheesecake! Throw out that fondue! AND GET ON UP GET ON UP!!! (AVPS if you don't know what I'm talking about)

Also something that has really helped me is just walking with music.

I'm a very emotional person. 

I'm full of thoughts.

And sometimes it's really hard to keep yourself in line.

Go for a walk. Think it out. Breathe the fresh air.

Listen to Fall Out Boy! Seriously.

You'll feel great.

So if you've given up already.

I hope you can find the strength to keep going.

Next time you're walking up a hill instead of thinking about this steep incline in front of you.

Think about that cow at work you're always covering for. Curb stomp her with every step up that hill!

YOU GOT THIS!!!

 

Peace and Love

The Sassafrass

Avian Bird Flu: Day Three on the Oregon Trail

Shagwood Rose

The name of a seniors home on the way to Newport...It could be taken dirty!

Also just to touch on before we move on up to Portland.
If you haven't heard, like I hadn't on our way down.
The Avian Flu is moseying about America again.
However that should really only affect chickens right?
Well man did we ever see a lot of dead birds along the coast!
Even the day we left Newport I came across a dead seagull on the boardwalk as I was walking.
Even worse it had definitely been picked at!
And you know what that means!

ZOMBIE GULLS!

but none of us appear to have been effected as of yet

So on the third day of our adventure we left the glorious seaside of Newport

And headed inward and upward towards PORTLAND!!

It's very strange the transition from the homes of artists and meth zombies back into the big box commercialized world. 

Happens somewhere close to Salem.

That's also when the fog pulls back and it's like 

GASP!

CIVILIZATION!

On our way to Portland we stopped at, possibly the only outlet mall in Oregon (which is so weird but perhaps strategic for a state with no taxes on their shopping)

THE WOODBURN PREMIUM OUTLET MALLS!!

Oh it was glorious! 

We bought sooooo much!!

As Canadians do at outlet malls in America.

Also there was definitely a large focus on active wear!

Compression pants

Running shoes!

There came a moment (and if you know my rollypolly self) where I was like omg....I'm gunna be one of those people who only wear active clothes and work clothes.

But quickly was like meh I will be STYLING! 

And my booty will be gorgeous in my new pants!!

So car fully stocked we carried on

To the Hospitality Inn....

Such a questionable place

I mean it could have just been the one in Portland but dammmmmmmn questionable.

It should have been a sign when we parked beside a car with a bunch of anti-Obama stickers that we didn't quite belong here.

But we got Anita to check us in because she's the most efficient and good at dealing with people/rednecks

AND THEN WE WENT TO SOCK DREAMS!

THE MOST AWESOME SOCK SELLING PLACE A PERSON COULD WISH FOR!!!!!

We did admittedly get a little bit lost on the way there. 

But once there oh the socks that were purchased!

Mostly knee high because they're so good!!

Then we soberly tottelled over to a place called Vine Gogh

A magical studio where you paint along with a teacher

Like Bob Ross Paint Along videos but with a real live person!

It's so wonderful

And you can drink wine or beer and they have little snacks

I had tea so I could drive

But it was a wonderful time and our paintings turned out so well.

Though mine went backwards in the seasons cause I wanted to show off my sunset...which you can hardly see but meh.

Even if Sherona thought differently of hers.

Meth Zombies: Day Two on the Oregon Trail

"We are mildly decent human beings and that's polite in America"

I can't remember if it was Anita or Sherona who said that but it was a pretty accurate representation of us traveling through Oregon.

On the second day of our trip along the Oregon trail, nicely settled in our hotel room in Newport we naturally decided to leave Newport and go other places as tourists do.
I kind of felt like that part of the Arrogant Worms "Mountie Song"  where the Americans are listing all the major cities in Canada they plan to visit that day.
We were like
We wanna go to Tillamook! And Manzinita! And Lincoln City! Maybe Florence this afternoon if and we got time!
We wanna buy some cheese!
We're gunna taste the wine!
We're gunna walk barefoot on the sandy beaches in January!!

And we did most all of that except get to Florence.

We started the morning off with a trip to Fred Myers because soooooomebody forgot deodorant! (Anita)
So there we were frolicking through the store and we come across THE GUN SECTION!
Just like a giant display case of all the different types of guns and ammo you could purchase.
Purple and pink hand guns.
Rifles in camouflage (again purple and pink camo for the lady hunters)
Completely unmanned. and true maybe we can trust the early morning shoppers of Fred Myers not to be crazy and trigger happy before 10am
But seeing that certainly makes a liberal Canadian uneasy.
Not to mention the grand display was located between the children's bikes.
Excellent placement!
Teach your kid how to ride and hunt on the same day. (That's a sport isn't it? Maybe on horses instead of bikes? Some sort of biathlon)

So we moseyed on out of there and back up the coast to Lincoln City for a spot of Breakfast. Pig N Pancake.
You see them all over oregon. And there was one in Newport but the gps in the car is very very special and can't always be trusted to find things.
It was suprisingly super delicious and we were very pleased.

Full of eggs and hashbrowns we trucked on. Up to tillamook!
But before the big cheese stop we took a second to stop in at the Blue Heron. (mostly because it said wine tasting)
And taste wine we did!!
There were so many glorious choices!
Sweet wines, meads, regular wines! We tried it all!

I settled on the Toasted Cow. It's super sweet white wine but tastes like juice it was so good!! I should have bought two bottles!
My cohorts got some honeymead as well as the cow wine (and drank both their bottles that very night)

The guy in charge of the wine tasting station was awesome!  He reminded me a lot of Hannibal in terms of looks (which is not an insult, he could be quite dashing) I have no idea what his name was but he informed us quite a bit about the residents of the Oregon coast.
Driving along it's a lot of one level houses. like the ones you see for sale on the side of the I-5 in Washington and you kind of just wonder, who would ever buy one of those things. Well tons of people in Oregon do!
Their also hella spread out with acres of land between houses but not nearly enough cows, or chickens, or crops to possibly be making a living off of their farms. It's all very confusing as to how these people could possibly make a living.
We settled that it's all just inherited.
Wine tasting man explained these strange people to us however.

It appears on the Oregon coast there's a very strange cross over of the cultured and the hermits. There's lots of retirees and artists that move out from portland to the coast after several years to settle down into peaceful lives.
There's also the people just living there for the tourism.
There's a couple farmer's doing their own thing here and there.
And then there's the Meth Zombies!

How intriguing!
These are the hillbillies of the Oregon coast, not much to do, no aspirations. Just doing meth all day everyday and shooting their homemade semi-automatic guns.
Hannibal was telling us about how he had some friends over in the summer and he was showing them his apple orchard (of course he was so hipster he had an apple orchard) when there was a huge commotion of hooting and hollering and guns going off.
His friends all hit the deck!
But he was like "Nah, don't worry it's just the meth zombies."

He also told us about stopping in a back country gas station and meeting a man he called "Boris" (because he was this big russian guy with a crazy moustache) who had a huge selection of knives all nicely polished and laid out in the store.
Hannibal was like "wow cool" and Boris was like meh.
But then Hannibal looked behind Boris and there was just a whack ton of guns just piled haphazardly all over the place behind him.
Hannibal was like oh shit just gunna pay for my gas and go!

Hannibal was a great find in Tillamook, along with the cheese of course.

So we continued up to Manzanita and walked on the beaches which are so nice and sandy. (Anita took off her shoes, I opted to avoid contracting the Avian bird flu)
And we headed back to Newport for a dinner at Mo's
Which is famous if you didn't know and has probably the best clam chowder on the west coast at least!

Though the saw for my shrimp tried to kill me.

It was a lovely evening

"HWY 47" Day One on the Oregon Trail

Well well readers.
It appears a tradition has been started amongst Anita and I.

THE ANNUAL OREGON EXCURSION!

And this year we brought along Sherona for the ride cause little miss had never been to Oregon and it was about time she encountered the middle bit of the American West coast.

Now we've all got our own ideas of how road trips should go.

Personally I like to get up at a reasonable hour when the human brain is functioning and trustworthy to drive. Around 7 or 8 am. Stop for breakfast. put on some tunes and drive.
But not these two goofs I was travelling with. OH NO!

According to them we gotta be ACROSS the border by 7am. (the border is about 30mins from my house)
Why?
I don't know. Maybe they thought the border on a monday morning would be a hella crazy to do to get across! I don't know!
But there I was up at 5:30 in the morning.
Shambling through the house like a zombie to get ready for my comrades arrival.
They arrived about 6:30. By that time my mother was even up for work.

But eventually the arrived and they were quite lively to be up so early and driving in such foggy darkness.
We stopped at Tim Hortons on the way to the border to take a cup of Canada with us.
We also learned pulling up to that Tim's that Anita may have a drive through problem.
As in can not pull through properly and ends up like 3 ft away from the pick up window.
I tell yeah it makes it very difficult for everyone to do their jobs when they're half way out the take out window trying to give three foolish girls their morning coffee.

So after that little set back with the drive through, we continued onto the border. Arriving at approx. 7:40 (That's 40 mins late for all of you keeping a time line of events here)

The wait time at the border was maybe 5 minutes.
1 line.
But wouldn't you know it there were some damn stupid people trying to zoom ahead and budge in.
Yeah I'm talking to you you grumpy old farts in the red car. At least the youth before you figured it out and reversed back to the end (which was only like 4 cars back)
But these buggers. Sat.
Waiting for people to let them in.
And we weren't like mid line.
We were last speed bump before the yellow sticks start to divy up the lanes.
We were basically there!!
So everyone, car by car was just like lols no.
As we pulled up next beside them the husband was hand motioning like give and take and how merge works but Anita just shook her head and we all glared at him and then promptly ignored them.
They eventually gave up and reversed their pigheaded selves to the back of the line which was now probably another 10 minutes they'd have to wait for being stupid!

We entered America.

Originally I was going to name this Blog post A Very Taylor Swift Road Trip because we were listening to the 1989 album and we very well could have listened to it the whooooole trip.
But then we took a turn onto "HWY 47"

Now I use quotations around this because anyone trying to pass this logging road off as a highway is out of their fucking minds and needs to get out of their house and take a dally on down the mountain to civilization.

This was a logging road! On the side of a mountain!!
On both sides of the road were steep cliffs.
The corners (which was all this road was made up of)
Were all 90 degrees angled corners and Anita was taking them at 90km/hr (60m/hr for you americans out there)
It honestly felt like I was in a game of Mario Kart going around those sharp turns and holding down the skid button.
Poor Sherona was in the back seat and she apparently gets car sickness. We didn't know this until this little off roading jaunt.
And when other cars started to come towards us! GOOD GOD!
We could have died America!
Straighten yourselves out!
And your roads.
And just so you know which road you should be fixing. If you've never actually heard of Hwy 47 and that was just a sign some hillbilly put up at the foot of the mountain. This road takes you to Mist Mountain!!
In Oregon.
Find it.
Fix it!



















As we cleared the peak of Mist Mountain Sherona said "I like Canadian Mountains better"
Anita Responded "Why there's farther to fall!"
But I think she meant the Canadians ability to tunnel through mountains.

Eventually we reached Cannon Beach and all was well and peaceful.
Yarn was purchased and I drove the dark winding road into Tillamook only encountering one possibly very drunk driver in a truck. But I passed them and so if they died, we'll never know.
We made it safe and sound to our Newport hotel and conked right out in preparation for day two.

New Year New Me?

Honestly, and I don't want you to think I'm entering 2015 in a negative funk (much different then a positive funk that can make you feel like that new Bruno Mars song)

Totally positive here on the brink of a new year.

I just think this New Year New Me thing is stupid. 

Every day is a new day.

Every day is a chance to be a new you.

There's no reason you should have to wait for the 1st of January to start doing something with your life.

That's why I don't make New Years resolutions. 

If you really want to disappoint yourself. Go ahead make a resolution. 

You wanna lose weight? 

Well you haven't started yet, why is that?

Oh there were just so many good things to eat September through December.

Well I'm not disagreeing.

September is the start of pumpkin season. 

My favorite season.

Pumpkin Pie. Pumpkin Cheese Cake. Pumpkin tarts (small pies so we feel better about eating 5 of them) Pumpkin scones. Pumpkin Muffins and of course PSL! Pumpkin Spice Lattes!!

Yes it's hard to ignore such a delicious treat that only seems to come once a year.

And then October well.

If you're Canadian! Thanksgiving!

And on sale Halloween Candy.

And then November hits!

EGG NOG delicious beverage that only comes once a year!

If you're American. Thanksgiving! (Imagine if you're an american in Canada. You get two thanksgivings!) 

And then December

Christmas Hanukkah Chrismukkah for those OC die hards!!

Yeah there's a lot of food in there but you can still have it all in portions and continue to work out of whatever active people do. 

New Years?! Well yes that's a lot of alcohol to embibe! But as long as it's not an every day every week kind of life. A little alcohol here and there won't hurt you.

So basically fall through winter you've gone into hibernation cause you've decided not to fight the food battle. 

So you resolute.
New Year New You

but how long will that last? 

Until next fall maybe if you're lucky!

You wanna lose weight start when you think "hmmm I should lose weight."

You wanna go on a trip to a warm place but are short on cash? 

Get a savings account connected to when your paycheques come in so you don't even have to think about putting the money aside it does it for you.

So I guess what I'm saying is stop procrastinating.

You want a New You? 

Go out and make it happen!

Without the pressure of the New Years Resolution guilt constantly around your neck

Rudolph The Red Nosed Range Rover

If you know me.
Or should I say.
If you know me around Christmas the thing that annoys me the most! Is when people put those stupid antlers and red tufts on their cars! Your car is not a reindeer! It is not rudolph! It is not cute!!
I can't remember when this started happening. Early 2000s perhaps but at the same time. WHY?! did it happen.
What about a reindeer car appeals to people?
Have their brains been rattled?

I think the worst thing I've seen so far this year is a blue honda with antlers and a nose....but then it also had eye lashes.
EYE LASHES!
Which means year round this person has eye lashes on their car to? What? Humanize it?
That's weird.
But then they took an extra step just for christmas and turned their car into a she- reindeer (i'm saying she because I feel like if they wanted their car to be manly they would have stuck a beard or thick eyebrows on it.)
(and yes I'd still judge them for that too)

But has anyone thought about what this could open the car decorating game up to.

Bunny cars for easter!
Change that red tuft for a white one and put it on the trunk. ears instead of antlers!

Cars night out on the town!
You've already got the eye lashes. Put some lips on the bumper.
Hang some dangly earrings from the side mirrors or better yet. BEDAZZLED SIDE MIRROR STICKERS! Make em look like diamonds!

Thanksgiving?
Put a pilgrim hat on the roof! Turkey feathers on the trunk!

Why not!?
If you're going to be ridiculous for one holiday you might as well be ridiculous for all of them.
I'll just be over here.
Judging you.

Run Away Buggy

Oh so I haven't posted in 3 months. 

Give me a break I've been super busy. Mostly cause I'm incredibly stupid and thought one busy job wasn't enough and should take on a second job front of housing a Shakespeare festival to stay connected with my theatreness as I'm swamped with the stupidity of tourists and coworkers...well most of my coworkers (I don't know why but I'm about to nickname my coworkers beat related things...except for Michael because he is a douche bag and will one day get a huge rant post about him) Smokey is very sweet and Mama Bear is my favorite cause she doesn't take shit and will ream you out for being an asshole and you probably deserve it so stop your bitching. 

Anyways I've been really busy since basically June with the graduating university and my darling gnomes perfect wedding and the Phoenix drama u shouldn't even be privy to anymore but somehow am. But this. 

And if I could draw you a picture I would. 

Deserved recognition. 

So the other day I was in transition to my next job after several hours of housekeeping and the bus I was on was travelling up Douglas, probably one of the busiest streets in Victoria. And the bus is slowing down to stop and the light had juuuust turned green for us when this horse and carriage goes careening across Douglas, running a red light. 

This 

I must admit is something I never expected to see

Mostly because it's 2014, the horse and carriage as a form of personal transport isn't common in canada unless it's Amish territory, and I'm not at a stampede. 

But alas. There before my eyes was a runaway carriage.

And it was comical because the lady carriage driver was standing on the front of the carriage like a jockey whipping the reigns like she had expected to make the yellow.

And the two tourists in the back were clutching theirs hats to their heads and holding onto the sides of the carriage for dear life and the woman was quite rightly screaming!

It was funny to see I wish u could draw it for you. 

Now carriage rides are a totally normal tourist attraction in Victoria. Rain or shine at least 30 go by my inn any given day but I thought they had very set routes that didn't cross Douglas because there's so much traffic there. I could be totally wrong to think that but it would make sense since they are (except on this occasion) very large slow moving things. 

I could be wrong they may cross Douglas all the time. 

Nevertheless. 

I don't think that driver was getting tipped. 

Unless she lucked out and got the wild tourists. 

The Honk!

My new life in apartment living has opened my eyes to all the different honks in the world.
And I'mma share em with you now.

It starts with the simple, standard monday morning dumptruck.
And I'm talking every monday morning even holidays the dump truck comes to empty!
Around 7am you're gunna hear a beep,beep,beep,beep for about 2 minutes and then a HONK HONK! as the dump truck backs out into oncoming traffic and just prays no ones gunna hit him...which is stupid, there must be a better way to be a dump truck.

Now the location of my building is between two intersections on Mckenzie.
One intersection is the start of a hill then there's a little bit of slump and then more hill. And lord you can bet that slump causes a whole lot of trouble.
Which brings us to honk number two
The HONK HONK
the honk honk is reserved for bitches who be trying to turn in the slump areas. We've got the ones who can't see over the slump and have a long line of cars behind them who are pissed off because they keep missing their chances to turn cause, once again, they can't see.
Or for the people in the slump trying to turn left in rush hour who can't be getting through and the line behind them that are mad they've decided to turn there.
(Truth is there should just be a darn barrier there so no one can turn)

Then we got the LOOOOOOONG.
This is for the guy who's going 60 down the hill on his phone not paying attention to the suddenly stopping traffic up ahead and manages to stop just in time, usually accompanied by the squealing of tires.
It can also be found when one of those cars trying to turn in the slump takes the rash decision to go for it! and nearly gets taken out by the oncoming traffic they couldn't see.
This honk is usually accompanied by a "LEARN TO DRIVE ASSHOLE" or similar words of caution and anger.

The LOOOOOOONG is often followed by the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
From the person who made the rash turn, or almost got hit by the idiot not watching the traffic up ahead. Though the former is totes in the wrong they'll usually throw a "fuck you" back at the other cars. Why? They think they're pretty fly drivers.
They're wrong.

Then there's the two am LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
And it's at two am and there's not a lot of people on the road so I just usually assume that a raccoon is in danger or owls are dive bombing cars which i don't really care about so I roll over and go back to bed.

And last but I'm sure not least, a new one I just heard this morning. This is probably the most life altering...of course I still didn't get out of bed to see what had happened but I was intrigued.
This morning....probs like 5am cause the light was up but lord it was no time for me to be awake.
I heard, right out side my window in the slump, a TOOT TOOT "You ok man?" Like a oh hello bro over here just slowly approaching you in my car I see you have a problem and I was wondering if you needed help honk?
So I assumed the dude being honked at must be in like some sort of dilemma.
Hit by a car
Broken down car
Flat tire (lols see how the chain of my brain works up there)

But the dude was like "No man, I'm good".....You're good?
......
Well ok bye

And the other car just drove off. By cool you're fine whatever his dilemma was.
I still didn't look out the window but I was THOROUGHLY intrigued.
Peace out car drivers,
And when in doubt, honk it out.

On Sunday We Make Eggs Benedict

So the summer or life as my father likes to call it has at last begun. 

Today was my first day of work as well as Auroras first day. Needless to say we are now incredibly exhausted!!!

The day began at 5 am. I had to be at work for 6:30 to make the breakfast.  But it is Sunday. And on Sundays busses don't start until like 7. Soooo. I could have walked but if you know me you know I don't fucking walk if I have a choice. And it was my first day of work so I sucked it up and took a cab. And walked a little way. 

It was very nice. A peaceful start to the morning. No one but the garbage men and the bike patrol around downtown. 

And the day started!

The woman in the kitchen with me also isn't the usual kitchen person so we had a pretty good time cutting up fruit and making muffins and more and more people showed up. 

And we're all pretty young bwhich is nice. We all speak the same language. 

And then the time came to make the eggs Benedict. Now I hadn't made this until Thursday. I made it for earl cause I figured I should practice. 

The first two times I made the hillandaise sauce I wasn't communicating yolk properly from eyes to brain and made it with egg white which was very confusing because I knew it was supposed to be yellow. Luckily it was packaged sauce for breakfast so I didn't fuck up the nice peoples breakfast. 

I'm probs never going to finish this post as I thought it should be. But that's what I've got. 

Tada!!!!

Jello Shots Shots Shots

Loooooooord,
Aurora my roommate and Earl have decided to throw a Space Jam party in our apartment tomorrow night.
Which is essentially a get together of us and our friend, whom I shall call Antoinette, playing the Space Jam drinking game which I'd like to note Aurora and I have done once before and almost didn't live to speak of.
It wasn't nearly as bad as the Beauty and the Beast drinking game but that's because you have to drink every time they say Gaston as well as every line of Gaston so that song alone you drink everything you own.
But the Space Jam one is pretty intense.
I can't tell you how it started.
Something about Jello was said which I'd like to note I don't like Jello and then they decided we should make Jello shots and drink them while watching Space Jam and that's basically it.
That's the whole plan.
So we just made 60 (probably actually 55) Jello shots in Red Orange and Green (the colors are insignificant)
And then Earl! For whatever reason told us (LIED TO US) that they had to be frozen because of the vodka in them which doens't even make that much sense because vodka doesn't freeze when it's in the freezer.
But apparently neither of us actually know how to make Jello Shots so we went along with it and cleared some space in the freezer which we don't have room for because of all my delicious bacon in there.
And then what do I do?
I look at the instructions because Earl is known for his lies.
And YUP!
HE LIED!
We could have put them all in the fridge, nicely on a tray, where there's plenty of freaking room!!!
So we'll wait.
We'll wait until he's gone to move the shots onto the fridge try with the rest of them....
Right now they're making Fake Bailey's Mousse.
Fake Bailey's because it's not Bailey's  but tastes the same.

Also our sink blew up.
I don't know what to do about these things because where I come from sinks don't blow up.
But Aurora called the building manager and he'll come tomorrow I guess....
All she says is thank goodness it's not the fridge, it's blown up twice
I don't know
I guess I'll have to get dressed in the morning...

~Drink More Stress Less~
Words to live by from Earl

Maple Ridge Make Out Point

Every city needs a make out point. 

That's what we figure out while I was back in the ditch last week. But we couldn't think of one place that would be a good place to park, say "isn't it a beautiful night. Look at the stars," arm stretch and make out. 

Followed by serial killers, zombies, vampires, werewolves and so on. 

Without a make out point. Your town will never be the realistic location of a criminal minds episode or d-list cheesy teen movie. 

And that would be a traumatic loss for the town. 

So my friends and I went a scoping for the best make out location in ridge to remedy this. 

We drove across all the mountain tops and found very little BUT! We found a temporary location. Up above srt where the gravel pit used to be and they haven't  built houses yet. It's temporary I expect houses on the cul de sac will be built by the fall. 

You're welcome

Fuck awkwardly away my ridge bunnies. 

Meanwhile I still think the Pitt meadows ball diamonds facing the air port is the most fantastic spot. 

But don't go there under incriminating circumstances or park where the police can catch you. 

That's my advice. 

That's all. 

Have a grand day!

Close and Suck!

Remember when I made that post about Breasts? Well today was an excellent fucking example of someone outside of their boob career path.
Women with large boobs should not be dental hygenists. The last thing I want to look at for an hour long appointment because the tv over my seat is broken is your boobs and wonder if I'm about to be smothered.
But that is not where my qualms with the dentists office begin.
They probably begin with the violent cleaning I give my teeth myself before going to get them cleaned.
I'm like my grandmother that way.
She pays someone to come clean her house but cleans everything before she gets there.

So I always arrive to the dentists office at about 2 minutes before the appointment in scheduled for.
I used to arrive earlier but you just sit waiting because they're never ahead of schedule and even when you arrive on time you still wait an extra 10 minutes to get in but if you're not there right at 11 someone calls to make sure you're coming!
It's not fair!
It throws my punctualness into a frenzy let me tell you!!!

So I arrive and I wait and there's no wifi and I don't want to turn on my data so I watch the same ad about botox a few times nnd think ew. And finally I'm sent in to this hygenist woman I've never seen before with boobs that are too big.
And I can't watch the tv like I normally would because it's broken so I stare at this woman's boobs and wonder if I'm going to die as she starts cleaning my teeth.
And I guess the tv in my ears used to block out the sound of the cleaner because seriously that high pitched sound as that thing goes across your teeth not only makes my nerves stand on edge but I'm like seriously losing my mind and it like hurts to have my teeth cleaned because I can hear it? I don't know but I just cringed the entire time.
And she was doing that thing where she tries to talk to you but there's hands and mechanical shit in your mouth and you're just like fuck lady shut up and clean!!!
and that sucker hose thing is getting a little too close to those loose bits underneath your tongue and just ow everything ow!
And then my dentist comes over whom I would just like to say here I NEVER agreed to.
One day a few, probably like 9, years ago my dentist up and sold his practice to this chinese woman. Like fresh, couldn't understand a word of her english chinese woman! And she is AWFUL! Like really she should practice dentistry on her self so that she can understand how much pain all her clients are in.
Last Christmas I had to get fillings done and she didn't even freeze half my mouth I nearly jumped out the fucking chair and punched her I was in so much pain!
But I restrained because I'm a good person.
So she comes over and she's like hmmmm you had braces and I'm like yeeeeeeeeeeeeees.
"well there's a gap in your teeth."
yes and the only way to fix that was to get braces again and it's not even that noticeable so no way in hell would I put myself through that process and hell again! Especially not as a grown woman with no dental. I wear the retainer that's all there is to it.

So I ran away as fast as I could from the dentists office.
Stopped for some chocolate milk which I couldn't drink right away from Extra Foods which continues to be the shittiest grocery store in Maple Ridge even after it was closed for like 4 or 6 years.

And because that medical is about to run out I booked all my appointments for one day and moseyed off to the eye doctor.

Now I used to hate the eye doctor.
A terrible place where they puff air into your eyes and blind you with flashes when you're looking at the little green dot in the center....
Well it's still got all that. And a new game where you click a button every time you see a shimmer (supposedly to check if you got glocoma) which is actually a lot of fun and I wouldn't mind playing again.
But I used to have this evil white man as an optometrist whom I never trusted. I still think I wore the wrong prescription for several years because this man would trick you with the line reading tests....also why don't they ever let your eyes adjust to the darkness!?
But they've gotten rid of him. Yes they have!

Now I know there are a lot of complaints about these minority doctors coming and taking the jobs away from the white people (i'm black if you've forgotten but have quite a lot of whiteness from my moms side) And I always expected to be one of those old ladies that refuse to be sent to retirement homes or go to the doctors because the white doctors are all gone and I just don't trust those asians (see my above comments on my shitty dentist if you think that's unfounded and racist)

But Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooord! you should see the man they brought up in this optometry office!
Now I'm not a huge fan of brown men, call me racist they've just never tickled my fancy. But the man they brought up the office yesterday was one fine piece of toasted caramel ass!
And he was funny. So funny and good looking I thought yes sir I could agree to bless the world with fair skinned, luscious haired, beautiful mixed children with this one!! He even has money. He's got it allllllllllllllllllllll.
Sign me up for the housewives brigade! Just call me Mrs. Harprinder Gill!

and I got some new glasses and I must say I look hella fine.

ANCHORS AWEIGH!

Someone once tried to convince me that boats that dropped anchors just cut those anchors loose after using them and carried on their way leading me to believe that the ocean floor must be incredibly riddled with anchors.
But in choosing this title I did some research and that's not true.
Also this post has nothing more to do with anchors or ships.

It's about fucking packing and moving.
Cause I am going INSANE people!
and my back hurts from lifting and cleaning.

I don't like packing.
There was a time as a child that I did but I'm pretty sure that's because I was excited to go camping or something.
Now I am old and tired of packing.
It's a pain! (literally)

And Earl has already helped me move to car loads but there's still tons and tons of stuff!
And my mother goes, Cecilly what are you sending home?
And I go "Hell I don't know. I don't know what I need. You'll take things and then I'll realize I really wanted those things and I'll be more annoyed!"

It probably doesn't help that there are a bunch of other things I have to do to:
Find a job- the goal was to find a job by May....look it's May 2nd. That failed. But actually if I'm not packing, I'm applying and I have applied to at least 50 jobs online which might be my problem but they say apply online........please kill me.
Go to a wedding- ok so the weddings not til Friday and it's in Maple Ridge so it shouldn't really be effecting me but I can't decide what to wear to it so I can't pack my clothes...also I'm going to need a hell of a lot more hangers because I'm losing a dresser and gaining a walk in closet.
But the problem with that is I don't have money. Like I might have 15$ in total to spend over the course of May if I don't get a job the entirety of May and that's with my student line of credit and credit card factored in. I will have just enough for the rent of June and that stupid Shaw bill.

Of course Earl is just like you're fine, calm down you'll get a job. Which is very nice of him but still freaking out.

I'm moving in with Aurora which means no one needs to travel to drink, I'm going to have a balcony so like omg sunlight! A walk in closet which is necessary for the amount of stuff I have, though I swear all my clothes used to be able to fit in 3 suitcases.
But aside from all that above, and the fact that I have to carry some very heavy book cases tomorrow, there's only one thing I'm dreading.

Carpet.

I fucking hate carpet, probably because the majority of my life growing up I walked on tile or hardwood flooring. The only reason I haven't gone crazy in my basement suit is because the carpet is in that really low like worn out state.
But soon I'll be walking on some tall carpet. Like my toes could get lost in it tall. I criiiiiiinge. Luckily I'm going to Ridge for that wedding so I'm gunna have to grab me some slippers.

And
(I'm sorry girl but really!)
I'm not going to name names cause she knows she lived there.
I can't handle dirty carpet, on floors or women, and this room was sooooooooooo dirty!
Bobby pins all over the place.
As a woman I don't know why you're not taking those with you but that's fine I'll use em.
But the faux pas.

FAUX PAS!

Friends do not make their friends pick up their dirty used q-tips!!
THAT'S SO WRONG!!!
Disgusting and wrong!!!!!!!

But. I'm a big girl.
I've handled worse than the ear wax from one of my closests friend's ears.

And Aurora's vaccuum is miiiiiiiiiiiighty powerful let me tell you.

Now. My mother is almost here and the house is still not ready
and as much as I'd rather be camping right now I must
WEIGH ANCHOR!!

The Breast Career Choice for your Breasts

Every set of breasts has a career best suited to them.
Like those extra large like size MMM things that are on the side of your internet browser. Those boobs are meant for porn because they're too big for real life but can still fulfill fantasies of being suffocated by breasts.
Then there's the fried egg club which is good for any career where you would find yourself wearing an abundance of button up tops, like business women because big boobed women rarely have the patience to go hunting for button up tops that fit and will button all the way up to an appropriate level without having that awkward pulling apart look like your boobs are caged and ready to break free. Or high fashion models, because androgyny is a super must have thing up there.
If they're super round and bouncy, maybe their destiny is to be seen bouncing in slow motion down a beach like in Bay Watch and every movie/TV show that ripped that off them.
Or if they're juuuuuuuuuuust the right size, the size where bikini tops just almost don't cover them because they're tiny little triangles to cover up your nipples. but still have enough lift in them that they're not going to fall out the bottom maybe you were meant to be a swim suit model, sports illustrated, a body builder, a personal trainer to give all those girls something to strive for and the men something to look at.
Or maybe your boobs are just fake and hell do whatever you want.
(but realistically, if I'm buying fake boobs I had better be a house wife. Set up reeeeeeeeeeeeal nice in a mountain side mansion that looks out over my pool, pool boy and city landscape.)

And yes I'm sure there are other categories of boobs, there must be cause I don't even fit in those categories.
But you know, once a year or maybe more depending on what's playing. I find myself strolling on down to the opera.
A wonderful place, I like it very much but few will ever go with me.

And I take my seat and applaud for the conductor and wait.
And never am I let down!
MY BREASTS ARE MEANT TO BE OPERA SINGERS!

Not that I am really meant to be an opera singer but hot damn my tatas are!
I have what I like to think of as shelf breasts.
The kind of boobs that when placed in the right bra appear as though there is a wooden plank coming out from my ribcage and my boobs were just nicely placed upon it to look pretty.
Similar to the presentation of female leads in most operas that take place in an interesting time period. Heaving bosoms and the likes.
So yes.
That is my destiny.
...or their destiny.

WTF SHAW!

Not Shaw the playwright of course, though I'm not a huge fan of his work, he can live.
Shaw Cable!
There's something wrong with a company that takes no efforts to ensure the happiness of their customers and knowingly rips them off!

So I think we can all agree that Shaw Cable is a very well off company, probably billions of people, or at least thousands go to them for tv, internet, the other shit they do that no one normal knows about.

SO NOW WHY DON'T THEY HAVE AN AUTOMATED MAILING SYSTEM TO KEEP THEIR DAMN CUSTOMERS IN THE LOOP!

Fuck shaw.

I know you have my email address, you email me a bill every month telling me what the next months payment is going to be.
WHY!
In the last email before a contract is about to end and shoot your bill up 3 times the cost CAN'T YOU SEND ANOTHER EMAIL, or hell IN THAT SAME GOD DAMN EMAIL! A little memo saying hey. your plan is about to expire. Did you want to pay 70$ next month? I know you were on the student plan and will soon be a poorer version of the you that came in 8 months ago, would you like something cheaper!?
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Assholes. And apparently I can't just up and cancel my internet. Nope. they need 30 days notice so
NO
MATTER
WHAT!
They still get 70$ for the month of may when I won't even be using the damn internet because I won't live in this basement sweet anymore.
Fuckers.

And then. You know!
When your only Victoria location MOOOOOOOVES!
BECAUSE IT WAS IN A FUCKING INCONVENIENT LOCATION!
wouldn't it be just common courtesy, even if the majority of your users just click delete, to email all those mentioned with Victoria addresses a little
Oh hey we'll be moving up the hill into that much more conveniently located shiny shopping center right next to the bus stop.
SO EASY!
Langham Court can do it and they're a non-profit, practically completely volunteer run community theatre!
YOU'RE AN INTERNATIONAL PROVIDER! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so mad. Can you tell.
Well.
Let me continue.

So I hate walking.
More than most.
Walking really really really freaking sucks!
But the OLD! Shaw location used to be on Blanshard, this one way street that only busses to the ferry drive on but don't stop any where near Shaw.
So I get off at the top of the hill. and I walk down the veeeeeeeeeeeery long hill to the Shaw building. (bout 5 minute walk and it's hot)
And I find the Shaw building....oh yeah says SHAW ALLLLLLLLLL OVER IT!
It also says RELOCATED TO UPTOWN!!!!

So I about face.

And walk back up the hill, IN THE SUN! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. so maybe 15 minutes uphill later. I reach THE UPTOWN
And then I walk up 4 flights of stairs because Shaw is on the FOURTH FLOOR!
and of course everyone in the shaw store is smiling and super nice and happy

And I can't even bring myself to be angry and the perky blonde girl because I'm exhausted and sweating!!
Even though she told me I'd still have to pay for May.
Unbelievable!

So I decided I deserved a milkshake. Partly because fuck weight loss and partly because Milkshakes are fucking delicious.
But of course.
McDicks was cleaning their ice cream machine.
And the world continued to hate me.
So I went to work.

The end.

Welcome to Life

So I haven't posted in 3 months, so what.
You know I just reread my last post about the cheese cake, not remembering that event at all after everything that's happened since January and thought.
Damn.
What a good post. and so legit!
Why is it so legit?
Because naturally the cycle picked up right from that moment and I rolled with it.
Naturally a ridiculous amount of things have happened since then and perhaps I'll catch you up on some of it but I might not. I might continue to lie in bed ignoring the mess that keeps building as I try to pack
Which is just not fair I might add! You would think that packing should be a process of cleaning but my floor is covered in the little white dots from a hole puncher that, of course, emptied itself out all over the room.
Also my computer died AGAIN and I'm not fixing it this time so I also don't know the majority of nicknames I've given people meaning I may just need to start again with some but I think you guys are pretty smart. You'll figure it out.
So in reverse order. I cut my right pointer finger and typing with a bandaid is hard.
I'm poor as fuck but I find 6 dollars in change while packing so I'm probably going to buy more cheesecake because I miss it.
I'm moving, it's a lot of work but that will be a whole different post.
I watched Bo Burnham's What AGAIN because it is brilliant and you should all watch it too. Like actually it's the most brilliantly made, well put together thing ever! in my personal opinion.
I got a job interview at a historic site...I don't know if I'm qualified.
I would have stayed in bed til 1 if they hadn't called.
I've been spending oodles of with Pearl and Earl! these I believe are new people to you  if not I'm renaming them because their names need to rhyme and go together perfectly because when they don't the world is wrong!!!!
And then Pearl went back to vancouver for the summer too and now Earl and I are just sad.
(I started watching Bo Burnham agin there cause I needed the link and wasted another 20 minutes of my life)
Priscilla went to film school and to discover her true racism in Vancouver (maybs will have a post on racsim)
Antonio has started his Adonis Project to get into shape and be the finest, badest motherfucka you've ever seen stroll down a street in Victoria.
Gumpette, I believe is what we used to call her, well many things happened but then she went off to tree plant so now she's getting tanned...but also eaten alive by bugs. Jealous of her money not jealous of her struggles.
I graduated but like haven't walked across the stage yet. That's in a month.
I threw a bunch of parties, planned some shit, directed some scenes, got in some fights, burned my wrist being stupid with an oven....and...yeah that's about it. consumed my life for 3 months
BUT I'M BACK! and that's what matters.
Hello internet world.
Welcome to the Summer Break that never ends but gets slightly colder now and then and rains alot because we live on the west coast but never ends because I've finished school and have no reason to ever go back so I'll never experience another summer break unless I join the education system and get the same summer breaks as like teachers meaning from like june to august.....
This!
is what it means to grow up
This!
is what becoming an adult is all about
THIS!
is life after school otherwise known as just

Life

The Last Piece of Cheese Cake

I just dropped my last piece of cheese cake.
No that's not a metaphor
It legit just happened
But as it was happening on this day which has been the release of 3 weeks of awful I thought to myself....how fucking cliche are you you stupid piece of cake!
For the last 3 weeks, since basically the day I got back I have been enraged.
By my people in the Phoenix, by my school work, by my friends.
Not to toot my own horn but I do a shit ton of shit for that god damn apartment and just once in a while I would like a thank you and a well done not a
why are you so upset?
Can you do this on top of all that
I saw those messages you sent out asking me to do my job but I ignored them and pissed around over here for a while.

People wonder why I drink so much!? It's cause of the fucking incompetency! The blatant rudeness of my peers! The sheer inconsiderateness of the people whom I am supposed to trust and call friends!
Which leads to me trusting no one. When I can't even trust you to make a simple facebook post, there is a serious problem. It's not hard. You're already on facebook all the time!!

What I need is to get out of the phoenix once in a while, but i have no time to get out of the Phoenix because there's all this god damn stuff that needs to get done IN the Phoenix or with Phoenix people!!!

So yeah, i've been angry for 3 weeks. I've been called ridiculous and ignored by my teachers. I've had outrageous expectations put upon me by my peers and yes some of the things I did ask to do! Those are the things I want to do. I don't want to be signed up for things involuntarily just thrown about willy nilly. I have a freaking analysis to write that I have hardly started.
The past 2 weekends I have just gotten shit face drunk because I don't want to deal with things. It's not healthy I know this but I don't see things getting easier so I don't stop.

And alllllllllll of this accumulated, all of this anger and frustration and axiety until last night Aurora and I got drunk and watched Tangled on a sunday night. We both had classes this morning. We knew it but we drank anyways and had perogies and things seemed to be alright. I went to directing and my teacher wasn't a flaming ball of douche and I thought how refreshing. I went to musical history and we watched Al Jolson in blackface and though everyone was a little awkward because I'm the only black kid in the room I was like eh it's fine, he's pretty believable I'm not offended don't be offended and we all got over it.
Then we waited and we sat through the break and we went to Singing for the Stage where once again Josh was just the epitome of rude to me and to the theatre students and I thought for fucks sake. This kid is fucking insane and disruptive like he will get up in the middle of the class and walk off somewhere!! Usually when one of us is talking.
And then I've got this first year who's like he doesn't really hate all of us and I'm like fuck you child. If he hates the fourth years he hates you it doesn't matter if you get private singing lessons with the teacher or not.
And then my teacher was handing back our essays which I knew mine was rude. He told us to write it in "our" style. Had it been write an essay it would have been formal and acceptable but he said my style so I wrote how I think. Which doesn't come off well on paper and I knew it but I didn't give a single fuck because why would I want to research this person for a class that is causing me strife after I've been told I'm ridiculous and know nothing by a teacher I once respected.
So an hour of tears and anger and yelling about Josh which as far as I'm concerned is just my teacher refusing to take control of the situation. We're "adults" we should be able to handle things. But what is an "adult"? No one ever changes. 4 years of university and working in jobs. There's always gossip, bitching, someones always not going to get along and they may not act like an "adult"! It's just a fact of life.
I don't know if anything got fixed in that but I didn't go to smutco. I let them figure it out.
I cried, I felt better, I think I left my teacher enormously confused and then I went to a lovely dinner with my comfort family.
Monday night,
Comfort food,
Good people

And things seemed pretty good. I looked at everything that had happened today and leading up to it and just thought
fuck it.
What can I do.

So today as I was choosing to eat the last piece of this cheese cake over opening a bottle of wine and I don't know I guess I turned to fast trying to balance the plastic tray.
Then of course I tried to hit it as it was falling to the floor
I just thought.
Yup,
This is fucking life.
You can't eat an entire cheese cake without having a couple bumps and tumbles along the way.
Sometimes it sucks and you can't stop it from splattering all over the ground
But you have the choice to give up and leave it there or scrape it back onto the plate and finish what you started.
And I'm just fat enough to choose scraping it back onto the plate and continue on eating it, dirt and all.

The Filing Cabinet of Dangerous Monsters (rated R depending on how intoxicated I am)

You know when life is so bad any little thing can set your spirits soaring?
That's me right now.
2 hours ago when i was going to start this post I was super pissed off.  In that time I watched For A Good Time Call-, ate cake and am really drunk on possibly the worst wine ever and it's not getting better!!

But let me explain to you the anger within me.

You look at me and ou see perhaps a normal 21 year old girl who is not quite black not quite white but boardering on potentially asian looking.
Now squint your eyes and turn that girl into an oddly coloured filing cabinet with 8 drawers all tightly and carefully locked up. But within those drawers are the most dreadful terrible things you can imagine.
firey mountain lions with sharp razzor  red hot metal claws. gnashing teeth, dragons and evil mermaids that shoot poinsonous spit and what not! Yes each drawer has a different monster dreadful to behold!! And they're all trying to get out.
These are the 8 most prominent current issues in my life that are causing me strife and I try very hard to keep them locked away for were they to be unleashed all those in the immediate area would be destroyed!!!!
We must keep the drawers closed so that the beasts may have time to cool and simmer and maybe when they have come to grips and i have come to terms with the iassues at hand then I shall look back on them and move tohme  to a different filing cabinet....my brain is like occulemency. ah yes this is just one giant harry potter post!! nooooo I'm just drunk.
have you ever just leaned back in your chair alike gotten into a real comfortable position and closed your eyes and then just typed that's what i'm doing ght now. probslg gunna have to go back and spell chekc this cause I know a lot of what I'm typing is wrong but maybe I WON'T! maybe I'll leave it. Cecilly! Reala! Raw! UNCHAINED!!! lols like I coul d be in a cage match.
But ok ok back on topic.
I don't want to be angry no no no not a lall. People simply enrage me on puropse to see how I'l handle things!! Like I'm in fourth year now excuse you and I just really want to graduate without killing someone and then Aurora and I can move into her apartment together and we'll be happy and start a sex line and make shit tons of money like in For A Good Time Call! Yes it is us!!! not really neither of us are like the girls in it but i tcould be great and we would have pink phones and be super cute!!!
do like random pictures and memes ever flash up on your eyelids. I't slike my eyeslids are the ceiling for the arena in hunger games and the pictures are the falledn tributes!!!
Defs gunna need to edit in the ....sometime.

Oke but yes anger. So I'm angry.
I'm angry about school because it's full of stupid people/ that's legit right?! people who are just so stuck on themselves I can't be bothered!

I'm angry at directing cause I don't like any of the plays or feel there needs to be something better about this scene than the last bug t t he last one was bascically perfection n minus stella being a stupid bitcha and ruinining thnhings and then not apologizing. Like no it's not petty. stella must be about fifty and the fact that she knows ths'e sin the wrong has said she should apologize to me serveral times but still hasn't si just pathetic....of course she may be scared of me. several people are but if you don't make me angry there's no reason to be scared! ararwrawar. And thgen peters  iouor teacher called me ridiculous for not liking any of the plays because i'm only 32 snf not edcuated on theatre yet like at all which you know he partly has a point but you can't tell me what I can cannd can't like! I can not like things because were supposed to be doing realism and i don't fing the conversations taking place in these plays realistic!! that's a ligit claim.......there are finger prints on my roof. I hthink they've been there since before I moed in three years ago but I'm never sure and I'm not tall enough to touch the ceiling so i'll never know where they came from unless it was alfred but i don't it.

I'm angry naucsios about the smutlcal theatre goroup i run because we go up in 2 weeks and I'm worried were just not going to tget it together like I bleived but it's always there in the back of my mind like what iff........

I'm mad that there are theses little black bugs that showed up out of no where! in my house! I don't know what they are! They're not flies they're not fruit flies!
It's not like an infestation though. It's like one shows up every 3 days and I ckill it right away because it's not smart enough to run.....I think like they may have comefrom the box of clay i brought home but I just down't know!!

One of the cabinets is something I'm not actually angry at SHOCKING! . Remember that post back back back that was like hmmm i have an obcessions! well that obsession is still going and though it brings me great joy to think about it also causes me a lot of strife and I'm definitely going crayz because of it and I'm not talking to myself at hom enot just to the ffurit in the grocery store. that's an issue.  and all my friends are like OMG CCECILLY WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT oYOUR OBESESSION!!! You'ere a 21 YEEAR OLD WOMAN!!! GET OFER IT BUT I"M LIKE NO I ICACAN NOT!!!!!!!! so it makes me happy, drives me crazy, and at the same time causes  everyone else to hate me... that's coolt hough cause people also fall into peolpe I hate

...i shan't talk about the other cabinets they're the most lethal! keep the fiery poison things in the drawers yes.

But the more you know eh!
This is why I drink so much, this is why I'll never be a normal person, this is why i'll probably die by 25.
so Yeah and basically just fuck off

Old Ladies Dancing

Well...it's happening.
I'm starting to look old.

Last night was my dear friend's birthday, she hasn't been mentioned yet but I'm going to call her Daisy. I was gunna call her Waltella but that's not very cute and she's pretty adorbs so I'm gunna name her after that duck.
So it was her birthday. She's turning 22. Having a little quarter life crisis which is normal! I mean I had mine at 20 it sucks. You cry a lot cause you've accomplished nothing thus far in your life. It's very dramatic!

So we went to a club called Touch, it's pretty nice I like it, plays decent music. But you know people get weird when they're drunk and in dark rooms. Here's what I noticed while at the club last night:

1: Either everyone my age looked hella mature at 19 or kids just aren't aging now adays. Those are really the only two options unless victoria's fake id scanner is on the fritz and they're letting 16 year old girls in the club now...it's weird it's creepy I don't like it.

2: I'm wearing knee high boots, leggins and a dress that completely covers me up. I am 90% covered. So why are you hitting on me? Obviously if I was looking for some attention I would be showing some skin but I was just there to dance. Mabe that's the problem now. I stick out cause I'm so covered up people are curious to see what's going on underneath garnering me more attention than less....Also to that blond bobbed girl, should she ever come upon this post. What the hell?! I hit you by accident and said sorry. I didn't know that was some secret invitation for your advances. Did I seem interested? I'm sorry if I did cause I was not!

3: Those people that wear hoodies and toques and scarves to in the club! IT'S BOILING IN THERE! HOW ARE YOU NOT DYING!! though truth be told if you won't take this as a race thing, most of them aren't white people and may come from very warm places so they may actually be cold. But it's very strange.

4: Club music has definitely changed since I was in first year there's a lot more of what I can only describe as bass drops. Which are excellent and exciting but kind of just really funny if you watch the crowd who are just giving it there all and then there's like this big moment of intake, pause everyone's hands go up and woosh crash to the ground and keep dancing. Very intriguing.

5: Why would you be playing the hockey game in a club? True there were several old men who's presence confused me but really. I'm trying to dance and of course Priscilla's staring off into the distance at the scores!

6: When did Victoria get so classy we needed those people who work in bathrooms, 6 different perfumes and a bowl of lollipops? the hell.

There were other things that I can't remember now but all in all it was a good night I must say. Should go dancing more often. Especially when it's free cover for students on saturdays!

The McDonalds afterwards wasn't too shabby either though there were some security there cause I guess this girl tried to steal something. But the guards were nice. Didn't mind that Aurora and Priscilla were taking bets on which of them would win in a fight. One even showed off his special security gloves to us. I was expecting them to be like steel knuckled but I couldn't tell...might have been cause I was drunk.
Probs
Well school starts again tomorrow so don't have any hopes for me to post frequently until May.

Meet 2014

What?
You want a New Years post?
God you people are high maintenance and I'm telling you right now there can only be one high maintenance person in this relationship and it's gonna be me.
But since you requested so kindly I will give you a short little blip of the past present and future. All of which I know very little about.
Last year the resolution was STOP STEALING!
Yay what a good resolution. Now mind you I didn't steal big or important things like money more like little things like umbrellas from the library, which was easy cause I worked there, and tiny pumpkins...which you know were totally left out in the middle of no where...of course when I made the resolution not to steal it was after stealing one of those stupid porch christmas ornaments that people hang. like what is the point of those they infuriate me!
sooooo yeah. I basically succeeded I think. The only thing I stole this year was a pair of headphones I think which was more out of necessity since my ipods home button doesn't work and I need headphones to turn them on it was a dire situation!
What did I do with my New Years Eve? Wellllll while all the peeps of the world were running wild around the world doing ridiculous things and drinking and watching balls drop and what not. I was having the time of my life with Ernesta, Anita, P.Bob, and Sherona! We got drunk, me much more than them I believe, And had a Bob Ross painting competition! It was hilarious! Our paintings were fantastic and completely different from each others!

Anyways I don't know what you want! Do you want my resolution? I don't do resolutions because they're stupid and when people bring up the fact that everyone starts trying to self improve on the 1st of the month when they could start any time they wanted! Humans are dumb.

I guess my goal for the year is to:

1- avoid alcoholism! That's a must! Hopefully will be easier in the new year than it was through first term. But maybe not since I grad in May.

2-Not end up living under the Cambie Street Bridge after graduation cause who knows what happens to fine arts majors after grads

3-Figure out how to manage my boobs. They're getting a little unruly which means I can't hang around upside down without them falling out of my shirt...it is met with mixed reviews. Of course this means...I'll probably have to lose weight...don't hold me to that though I haven't lost weight in 6 years I'm not about to start really trying at 21 though maybe it'll be easier drinking fewer bottles of wines every week.

4-Get a job but isn't that a necessity and less of a goal.

So yeah there you go that's all I've got...

I'm going to go watch Super Fun Night and aim to be like Rebel Wilson/Queen Latifa/ANY SEXALENT-SASSY LADY YOU CAN THINK OF!

Mosey on world.