Tintin Has My Number!?

What up readers!
I know I already posted that random post of all things of the week this morning but then something happened on my way to school and I just must share it. Mostly because, she's probably going to hate this name, Pamela thinks Tintin having my number is hilarious...
So here's how it happened!!

I was walking to school as per usual on a Friday when I should not be going to school as I have no classes to attend. When I walk to the Phoenix I get off at the stop just outside of the Ring so I can cut through Finnerty Gardens which is right across from the Phoenix.
So there I was walking to the Phoenix and, duh, singing which I always do! This morning I chose to sing all 5 parts of "I Turned the Corner" from Thoroughly Modern Millie...quite a feat when you are one person. Just means I get to choose which note I hit on the end chord...and I'm not a soprano which becomes more and more obvious as I spend more and more time out of choir. (one day I'll be one of those old ladies in community choir singing the bass lines! CLASSIC!)
Anyways so there I was wailing as I approach the gardens, I looked around to make sure no one was there to be disturbed...or judge me. (This girl on her bike totally ruined the climax of "Let Me Be Your Star" as I was waiting for the bus)
And then I saw this kid at the gates to the garden, luckily the song was over so I just didn't start singing the next one. As I approached this kid I noted how very hipster he looked, I think hipsters are ridiculous. (Hot tea should not be put in glass jars! It only makes the jars too hot to hold!)
"We're you singing opera just now" I could see how he might mistake my wailing for operatic excellence. I explained that I was actually singing a song from a musical. He just seemed so delighted!
"Could you sing some more for me please!?" omg what do you say to that.
I actually had a meeting this morning which is a suitable reason for going into school when I don't have class unlike usual. So I told him I had to get to class.
"Are you sure you couldn't sing just a bit more, you pretty much made my morning" I was flattered but honestly so embarrassed I declined some more.
"I've put you on the spot haven't I?" You don't think? "Well can I at least get your number and maybe we can hang out later and you can sing some more then?"
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING! I gave this random stranger my number (he was actually pretty cute besides his hipster get up)  Mama Alfred will molt his feathers when he reads this!
Needless to say he tried once more to get me to sing! "Please," he said. "I'm dressed like Tintin!"
AND SO HE FREAKING WAS!! He had the dog in his back pack and everything! Bike leaning up against the fence! Mind blown there it was!

I just gave my number to Tintin!                                                          (Tintin does kinda look like a hipster)
Once again I declined and really had to be on my way...I really hope he doesn't call me....how awkward would that be!?
My friend Gumpette thinks he was probably a left over from the Fine Arts pub crawl last night which leads me to believe he slept in the gardens all night....but he wasn't wet and it was raining so I can hope not...but he was probably still really drunk....
Goodness I hope he doesn't call!
Goodnight my children!

Cathing Up To Bald For Biebs!

What up! Let's catch some things up!
So I had this really sweet dream the other day but I can't really explain it because if you don't know who I am you don't know the people that were in it but I can tell you the beginning.
So my mother, my sister and I had to run away from the country. I have no idea where we lived or why we had to leave but I know the country wasn't Canada. I think we were escaping to Canada. But the only way people on the run could get out of the country was by flushing yourself down Niagra falls...There was 5 different parts to the falls and you had to be careful when being flushed and a good swimmer cause if you didn't get out at the right safety station you would be flushed away and die a horrible watery death.
When you were flushed in all you had to hold onto were those neck brace things that come down on you when you ride a roller coaster but you weren't strapped on.
Suprisingly we actually did pretty well, my sister almost got washed away on the last one but then she burst through the surface and flew to the shore and she was fine. We had escaped to somewhere. And that's all I can really tell you because you don't know the rest of the people who are important to the dream.
But the awesome thing was I woke up the moment the dream was done!
At the time I thought it was the best dream I ever had! I had to write it down! But I couldn't turn on the light of course, it was still night time and light would hurt my eyes. So I had the brilliant idea to grab my cellphone and just write it under a memo....I'm so stupid. Cellphones are very bright! Especially in pitch blackness!
So there I was completely blinded at 4 in the morning. But it was alright because I fell back asleep until 10am.
I've also had a lot of freedom recently now that I don't have to care about managing a show and I have a break before I have to mentor the Good Person of Setzuan. Naturally in my free time I attempt youtube hair tutorial videos which usually fails because my hair does not currently fit under a length category. Which sucks!
But I think I succeeded in my I Love Lucy look. Though I didn't get a picture of the whole outfit....actually even this picture of my hair isn't very good! But I was proud of it!

THE BEST NEWS! I finally got to go to pole tonight!
It has been 3 weeks since I've been to pole! That's forever! But I can still do most things! (except hold myself up of course, that's never gunna happen)
I got to do a new turn and everything! It's called the reverse ballerina, I would post a video so you could see what it looks like but I can't find one....sad world doesn't appreciate pole goddesses!
Anyways I should probs go to bed. Even though my body is not going to move in the morning. I did an hour of this Dancer Physique class. IT WAS BRUTAL! I wanted to vomit and chop all my limbs off it was so bad! I won't be doing it again next week.

NOW! to the title of this post because I just found out and I think it's hilarious!
Some trolls on the internet tricked Bieber fans into believing he had a very rare form of leukemia....
To show their support Bieber fans all over the world shaved their head for him! It trended on twitter!
Think about this with me now! A HUGE! portion of the worlds tweens and teens are bald (mostly girls) because of one giant internet trolling spree!!
Ok yes cancer isn't funny but in this care I'm amused!
Well played trolls, well played.

Beware The Groove!

I think I might post twice tonight or just write 2 and then post one tomorrow because I feel like so much is going on and I haven't posted in forever which is a lie I posted 3 days ago!
Here we go!
So the other day, Tuesday when I had planned to write this out, I realized around noon that I was signed up for this groove class at my dance studio where I pole dance....how did this happen I thought to myself?
I honestly have no memory of ever looking at the studio schedule and going yeah I think groove would be a good idea, on a Tuesday, when usually I just sit at home or see Alfred or something. I didn't even know what groove was! Why would I sign up for it! (I fear, yet to be confirmed, that Alfred signed me up for it because he secretly no longer wants to hang out with me anymore.)
The course description: Get ready to move around!

.......................................................................................................................what?

That's not a description! 

But my dance studio has a 24 hour cancellation period and the class was that night and yeah, true enough I wasn't going to do anything anyways so I went.

My first impression, everyone in this class is strange and appear to be socially awkward.

Then this girl showed up and brought glow sticks.....why would we need glow sticks in a dance class I wondered.
I WAS SO LOST! 

And then it all made sense.

My dance instructor turned off the lights and turned on the black lights! We were freaking glow in the dark! Glow sticks everywhere! AND THEN WE DANCED! Well not really....we kinda krumped around the room which was strange being the only coloured kid in the class....

We had a little krump battle, me against this adorable little white girl, needless to say she didn't stand a chance. 

I think the whitest move we did was that ski movement where your legs go back one at a time, very strange.

The best part of course was that it was all to 90'S HIP HOP! So good. Jumping around to Woomp There It Is, Push it, U Can't Touch This.

....And then we had a random moment that was all about working your gluts (AKA your butt). My teacher just yelled "SPREAD YOUR LEGS LIKE MAGIC MIKE IS ABOUT TO FRISK YOU!" (she had just purchased Magic Mike that morning=bad for your health) And we proceeded to seduce the wall with bootylicious goodness. It was a little awkward, just a smidgen. 

But then we shook it out around the room. It was a lot of fun! And I'm glad I went....of course Wednesday morning my body didn't want to function and just cried at me for all the hours I was awake before I forced it to go patrol the library...

One day I'll pay my body back for being so understanding.

Until then...I've signed up for Groove next week! It's gunna be good!!

Peace out peeps!

Lord, Let Me Be A Call Girl

Hey Readers,
I'm going to make this super fast because Alfred is on his way, I haven't done dishes in like 4 days and I haven't seen him since....I feel like it's been 2 weeks....but that's probably a lie I can't keep track of the days.
....And about my last post...Yeah I was really drunk and when I said chail I meant jail but I think it was mostly understandable. And GUESS WHO ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK THE NEXT MORNING!? Clark Kent. Yeah bitches, I think I won that battle.
But let's talk about the real heart of the matter here...
World!
I WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE!!!

Ok so maybe not, I don't want to be all hopped up on drugs and skulking around back alley ways but like a high class escort, a courtesan, a call girl! A girl in high demand that people have to go through a selection process to have the privilege to be with ME!
I know, I know if Gnomiomy is reading this she is probably shaking her head in shame but it is more likely she has chosen to disregard my blasphemous tendencies. P. Bob is probably just laughing her ass off and will threaten me later to tell my dad when she next sees him at the gym. (Don't tell Ivor, he'll never be able to handle the truth about his little girl)
But seriously, I think my real inner whore started to come out at a friend's birthday party this summer when we were drunk on chatroulette. Everyone on chatroulette is either looking for boobs or 12 year old boys....looking for boobs. And then every now and then you get a group of girls who are just looking for guys who are looking for boobs so that they can scream and go to the next page. Seems like a perfectly useful website, what could go wrong....(I'm rolling my eyes)
Anyways, drunk me was all down for the boobs. Luckily P.Bob was not so down, saved me a few times. I still got a couple though.
Well low and behold, Cecilly actually gets drunk the other day. Yes I have drunk since returning to school but not like this. It was the Vodka shots I think! BLAME MY WHORISHNESS ON PRISCILLA! <--she wanted to do the vodka shots and it was her vodka so naturally it's all her fault.Yup!
Right so I was super drunk and I go for a walk with some guys who I plan to make my new best guy friends because they're soooo freaking awesome, I'll let them know one day of my plans. And I come back and this kid is sitting in a director's chair in the living room. Like one of those old, very uncomfortable, wood and cloth, high up chairs. And he just looks at me and says "Cecilly, Dance!"
Naturally I can not dance, I lack the ability to normal human dance but there is one kind of dance I can do...."I only know how to pole dance" I say. Naturally I think I have figured my way out of this, not that drunk me really cares. And then Antonio, who is just sitting on the floor with this second year girl!
"Just imagine there's a pole!"
And I did you guys, I could see the pole in my head, I knew a routine! We had just learned it in Dirty Dancing last week! I WAS GOING FOR IT!!
And then sober Cecilly (who, shhh, sounds a lot like Alfred) was like 'girl what do you think you're doing, you're in public and these people will remember this tomorrow!' and drunk Cecilly was like 'but' and sober Cecilfred was like 'just say no!'
....So I said no, be proud my Gnomikins! I did not make a fool of myself and I did not strip for the Phoenix!

I hit Antonio for it today, he's not even sorry! Said he would get me next time....great now I gotta watch my back. But there's a whole month before the next party.

So maybe I won't be a prostitute....though I bet I'd make fantastic money and I would never have to worry about paying for school or loan debt....
I guess I'll just have to suffice with putting on ridiculous, ill fitted shades of lipstick, watching Secret Diaries of a Call Girl and taking pole dancing classes.
C'est la vie.
Alfred and I are going to Willows Beach, rain already ruined my hair today, what's a little walk gunna do.

Close Dis Mutha Down!

It has been a long lond day my friends! I know this!
And yers I write this I am drunk..A consequence of dealing with the ushers for so long! But it is closing which means I get to let go! Ever if i have to do opera homework tomorrow and then go over to Pricsilla's place for zombie make up times ato haunt the house again tomorrow. Sometimes mama alto/ sugarmama just needs a drinkl or a 6 pack is good too! THIS was my metdal for not killing Clark Kent! I have neem super nice to him alday! I get a drink!
And Drink I Did!
It has been a freat day, I conveinently cheecked out and then avoided all the men in the club....not a club the phoenix party! which is a good go cecilly! because i reuse to date men in the theater....just leads to  toruble! toruble sucks! can't have that! Party recap!!!
So superman lost his pin! which emans he has to grant this girl 3 wishes! her first is that he clean her house....silly wish if you as me! can't trust a man to clean a house and she never said how well either! it could be his version of clean! silly child , yiu mudt think out the wording of your wishes! but she's got 2 more. I ho9pe she does mbetter and makes him really suffer!
I met some of his frat friends, they seem pretty nice. Guess I can't just! oh well they were more sober than we were which is danger man so dangerous!
I tried to play "Emma " aka gwenthyh Paltrow and set my friends up....lodn't think it worked ....at all....i odn't really care. she just asked me to put in a good word with him.....sigh people
Then of course theres all the people that come up and say mo matter what the uvic progeressors say i belong in the acting program....thanks....I'll keep that in mind....oh drunk people so good. Gota love em..
thane  the cops showed up and I left....never going to chail. no way never no how.
and also my house was 3 blocks away! so I went home, ehear I am,,,,posting though I know I shouldn't I checked in with mamma/ butler Alfred to  let him know that I got home safe as he wishesd. And DUH! I MADE QUAC! It's the one thing I can do drunk!
Night,
me and Nachos are going to go lie down!

POOPY LADY 2012!

Alright kiddies,
I will now impart upon you the struggles of being a front of house manager. I hope you're comfortable.

Let's start with yesterday when I survived 'Poopy Lady', the nickname of possibly the most troublesome Phoenix patron....I suppose I have to tell you how she got the nickname....

WELL!! A long very long time ago she came to see a show. Now she is a very old woman, should not be driving but she does and I have yet to hear any reports of her killing people. This lady has really really really bad arthritis. Her hands barely moved and her fingers are all curled inwards so she can't really pick anything up. So one day all those years ago she arrived late to a show (She is always late even though the shows have always started at 8) and she insisted that she must go to the bathroom.
From there we are a little lost as to the events but we assume that she did not actually sit down on the toilet but sort of squatted and went to the bathroom....but she missed and there was poop all over the floor. Naturally a terribly embarrassing incident but she tried to remedy it but picking it off the floor....only to kind of smear it around the stall instead because her hands don't work properly.
All speculation mind you we have no idea what truly happened other than a stall covered in poop was discovered shortly later.
So we seated this woman and started the show but all these people kept coming out and complaining about the smell in the theater. Turns out there was poop all down her pants and she wreaked. she got it all over the theater seat as well and they had to like steam dry clean it or something I don't really know of the story behind the seat.
Thus giving her the name, Poopy Lady. Remember this did not happen to me thank goodness!

However last night, it is 8 pm and the stage manager is just doing her last minute call when i see this very slow moving mass coming towards me from the parking lot....I JUST NOW IT IS HER! and as they got closer IT WAS! I had this second year shadowing me, she was kind of excited...that changed fast.
So they're already late, then she can't find her ticket because her hands don't work and she's kind of just scooping things out of her purse. And then her friend, who's not a very good friend just abandons her and runs off to sit down! This woman moves at about snail speed, that is not exaggerating that is fact!
I've got my ushers helping her into the theater and she's hacking! (well like quiet hacking but a soft equivalent of death) and she's spitting up into these napkins! We just make it to the theater door and she's like "I need more napkins!" and i'm like oh god! So I send my usher to get more paper towel from the bathroom and I begin helping her down the steps to her seat. WHY IS THIS WOMAN IN THE FRONT FREAKING ROW! Because her friend likes it there of course! Just freaking rude, no consideration for anyone else.
So I finally get her down and into the seat, hand her more tissue and start the show. Only 10 minutes late which is good considering most of her incidents start 20 minutes late.
All is well I count everything, all adds up I'm happy. Show gets out everyone is happy I am happy.....then stage management comes on the headsets asking for a manager to come into the theater and check on this woman. One of my ushers comes running out and is all freaked out by this woman who appears to be dying. I think to myself "HELL NO! If she's going to pick today to die! I'm bringing Sandra (boss lady) with me!" So I do. She's not dying.....just coughing and spitting everywhere.
They insist that they don't want the rest of their seats for the season changed they just enjoy causing trouble in the theater. And then PL insists on stopping to eat some chocolate to help her cough....that's not how it works crazy!
Takes about 20 minutes to get her out of the theater alone, and we're doing a sweep when the girl I've been mentoring comes up and tells me that there's a pile of wet napkins where she was sitting and a really wet cloth......NOOOOOO! GROSS!!! But there's literally no one else I can get to do it!
So I had to go into concession, grab some gloves and a plastic bag and go clean up this drool mess!
I. WANTED. TO. BARF! it was just awful, thank god it didn't smell or anything but like SERIOUSLY! That's not acceptable! Stay home! You shouldn't be driving anyways!
Then I came home and cried because I had no milk (Alfred drank it all) and I was scarred for life by the feeling of wet, squishy dish cloths.

Then of course tonight, Clark Kent once again failed to become Superman and decided to just not show up. SIGH! Unimpressed! Along with discovering other problems where Antonio messed up! And then I ended up with 5 dollars over the amount we should have had. But I'm pretty sure we'll find it tomorrow. I really shouldn't have put Mr. Kent's replacement in the concession, she's just not all there in the head.
Oh well.

I'm super tired and Alfred brought me more milk so I'm just going to have hot chocolate, a message and watch Shrek. Then to bed I go!
Love you followers
Night.

My Poetic Week with Zombies and Books

Ola oi oi readers!
It's been almost a week since my last post, what blasphemy. And Priscilla is just super peeved at me for not posting because apparently she's my number one fan.
So I'm going to make a post though I have no idea where to start because so much stuff has gone down in the past week! Let's give it a go!
I'm just going to start with today and work backwards, maybe make more than one post, see how we do.
Well readers I guess I should start with the tragic news that I am in fact dead and my ghost has returned from the dead to give you this post.
Yes in motherland Victoria, where the earthquakes aim to kill we had an earthquake drill today. Unfortunately I was too busy spewing out every last fact I know about musicals from the 1700's-1960 in my commercial theater midterm. So due to the size of the quake, the 40 year old Phoenix building has been leveled, taking an entire class of hopeful historians with it. (Lies I would never want to waste my life reviewing archives of 1890 productions.)
It's not that much of a loss really. It just means that I won't have to edit the terrible poem I handed in for writing this morning.
WHY DO POEMS EXIST!?! I really feel like someone way back when was just a really bad story teller so he strung together a few images with rhymes and was like voila my piece d'existance! and every one was like c'est qoui ca? Ce n'est pas un histoire!
and this guy who of course was pretentious as all hell because he's a poet AND FRENCH! was like no no it's a poem! It's like a story but better!
And all the french went hmmmmmm...oui! J'accept!
Because the french, though critical are all accepting of anything that is wholly french. And yeah poetry is probably a Greek thing in actuality but if the french are good at it they will claim it as their own. (We had french students come to speak to us today in french, can you tell I'm still not interested in french culture I should really quit)
I have a story about front of housing this show but I will save it for another post.
My job at the library is going decently, telling people what they can and can not do is going very well. I feel it is an area in which I truly excel.
I was walking around and there were a lot of people eating apples yesterday which is so frustrating because you can't save apples so they just throw them in the trash where they rot over night and attract fruit flies. I just wish people would accept that they need to eat other places. ANY OTHER BUILDING ON CAMPUS WILL ALLOW YOU TO EAT IN IT!! Also you can check books out and the library isn't even that comfy! So freaking ridiculous it makes me growl!
So I'm walking around yesterday and there are rooms you can book for you and your friends to talk openly and write on boards and stuff BUT NOT EAT IN! I see this room with 3 girls and this one guy and they have like chinese food take out dishes on the table. It was all eaten but I still have to tell them.
So I open the door and very politely say "we have a no eating policy in the library," all the girls of course apologize because tis what girls do. But this boy interrupts me "There's no food now so it's fine" and I just gave him my very best 'bitch please do not fuck with the black lady just doing her job' look. All the girls in the room were looking at this guy like she's going to kill you shut your mouth. And very curtly I say "well next time you'll know better and that you can't eat food in the library." and then I closed the door so I didn't have to deal. muahahahha!
Not as good as Tuesday though. I'm walking around and there's this guy eating up on the very top balcony floor area and people have the silly habit of just bringing it out as I'm walking by. Don't even wait to try and hide it. sad humans are sad. So there's this guy and he's eating so I do my little spiel and of course he was unhappy to be caught so he tried to be snappy.
He says "don't you ever get tired of nagging people?"
To which I laugh because it's one of my greatest skills. I tell this guy, "well I'm not going to get married and I"m not going to have kids so I might as well get it out somewhere." <---SASS! 
He put his food away and I didn't catch him again. I like to think that some people are just so impressed by me that they respect me. Or are so scared I will start shooting throwing stars out of my eyes that they keep it to themselves.
Anything else important?
I volunteered at this farm where they do a haunted house and I was a zombie with Priscilla, that was pretty cool. Though I have seriously injured my feet. I don't know if I pulled all the muscles in the top of them or what but so much pain going on down there.

Here's me as a zombie with Priscilla.

Tada c'est ma vie!
I'll post about meeting poopy lady tomorrow I am tired now.
C-Dawg!

Clark Kent is Super...RUDE!

Alright peeps so I've got a story for you about the rudeness in the youth of today. (And I think the fact that I'm takin the time to type it out on my iPod at Alfred's house just furthers the obviousness of how importance this all is. Also if you have an issue with my spelling mistakes take them else where. )
HERE WE GO!
So I'm once again working the alumni show at the Phoenix (working isn't really the correct term as its really for a class) but anyways I am front of house which means I deal with the theatre lobby and the patrons. It's a pretty goo and short show so it was really all easy no worries UNTIL THIS GIANT BAG OF SUCK WAS PLACED ON MY USHER SQUAD!
I have met this kid twice before, never had a problem, seemed decent but as my usher he is a jerk!
So one of the teachers calls him Clark Kent because he kinda looks like him( for those of you going what the heck. That's Superman's normal human name) but this kid does not deserve to be allied with he greatness that is Superman!
So we do an usher tour and on the tour around all the rules are laid it and we tell them what they're supposed to wear(black bottoms). And this kid in the tour asks why if we don't have black bottoms and I'm like "get a pair for 5 dollars at value village" he's like I'm poor. I laugh "I am 3 times more poor than you and I can buy a 5 dollar skirt you can buy pants." To be fair I also gave him the option of going to the costume people and begging for pants (pretty nice of me since wardrobe people hate ushers)
TUESDAY NIGHT: 1st preview show
This little rat shows up in grey dress pants and I'm just staring NO! GAPING at him like what the heck! And he has the audacity to say "you said dress pants"
BLACK! BLACK DRESS PANTS! So I send him to costume to get this fixed only to find out there is no wardrobe for this show.
Now this all really could have been avoided if the child, knowing he didn't have black pants, had just signed up for parking shifts where you can wear whatever you want! But no he signed up for all programs which is the shortest shift but is also the one where grey pants are most obvious! So we put him behind juice bar switch some people up.
I wish that had been the end but OH NO! So i set up with my dear friend, I once called her her real name I'm going to call her Pricilla here from now on though she might kill me. So I introduces them cause she works in costume shop so that he could get him some pants. We set it all up everything was good and he's like oh by the way I dot have that class I said I have tomorrow and Priscilla's like whatever just make sure you show up.....does he?
OF COURSE NOT!
So Wednesday:2nd preview night.
I forgot my phone at home when I went over to my fellow manager's house to prepare for the reception on Thursday.( we will call my partner Antonio, I was going to call him Steve but I knew he would take offence as we now have hundreds of jokes about this imagined guy named Steve)
So Antonio and I arrive at the theatre to set things up and get ready but Pricilla is there all like "hey gurl hey why no answer your phone when I text?" And hen she proceeds to explain to me about mr Kent who was too freaking good to show up at costume stock that morning at the allotted time and that the costume people are in an uproar over the whole thing and to send him over when he shows up in grey pants and I say "ok"
Kid shows up 5 minutes before his shift in BLACK PANTS! And I know he didn't get them from costume so I am just freaking livid! I'm all "where did ou get those?!"
He's "they're my suit pants"
I'm "why didn't you wear those yesterday?"
he says "because they're blue".
Honestly readers I could not tell these pants were blue. I would have to hold a flash light up to the fabric at the right angle or pull the threads out to tell that these freaking pants were blue! Try looked black! In the dim lobby lights they looked like black freaking pants! AND WHY when you have such dark blue pants would you wear GREY ONES!
So I'm just ready to lose it. But I don't guys and I think if you know me I deserve a round of applause for that one. I'll wait....*wild admiring applause*
So I say to this kid "why didn't you show up at costume?"
His completely unacceptable response:"I was sleeping!"
NO! So I start telling him why what he did was wrong and why he has to respect the costume hours and he just turns away and says "whatever stop giving me 'tude" and walks away....
I wanted to murder him, throw things, scream but I did not! I turned to Antonio and tell him to deal with this child I can not be near him. Anty's a pretty chill laid back guy and he's all no problem all over it! And this rude child totally respects him, does what he's told no problem! But is a total jerk to me! I don't even know!
So 8pm the show is supposed to start. We've got people buying last minute tickets and I'm suppose to cue the marketing kid for his speech. I'm making sure with the Parking ushers that no one is coming AND SUPERMAN HAS DECIDED IT'S TIME TO GO!
I lose it ( not in a violent way though more in a simmering volcanic explosion way). This kid is takin off his usher uniform in the lobby, patrons are still in the lobby! I go over and I'm like "what do you think you're doing?l
"It's 8pm I'm off shift"
So I lay it out for him. The fact that he's a first year, this is a mandatory thing he has to do to pass and while he's an usher he is under our command until we let him off for the night.
AND THIS BAG OF FLAMING FIERY DOUCH SAYS! "I have priorities outside of the Phoenix" he is not even looking at me he is being so rude, rolling his eyes.
I wil admit, my hand twitched. I wanted to beat him down so hard but I did not instead I turned
"ANTONIO!"
"Yes?"
"Deal with this kid!"
I go off to seat patrons and take care of getting he house closed leaving Antonio with jerk face
He takes one look t the situation says "put your vest back on"
DONE! Kid does it no complaints!!
We sorted everything else I counted everything Antonio dealt with the ushers and all was well...
Of course this kid couldn't leave without a snarky comment of how opinionated I am which yeah in real life I freaking am! But with him I'm just doing my job!
We also found out later that those outside priorities were frat related(yeah uvic has like one super lame frat) and I hope he was late and I hope they beat him up or punished him for it.
So, that's what I've been dealing with this week as well as super little sleek and a shit ton of baking for the reception last night that went really well.
Reasons for this child's douchiness as contributed by my fellow students include him being:
Racist
Sexist
Has mommy issues
Is a spoiled brat who was never spanked
Is just a boy (child please, this kid is 19)
He's of age in Canada so he has all the power now.


They go on but I think the top 4 are the most likely reasons.
Sigh whatever I don't have to see him for a week! And if he's still an ass then I'm probably just going to send him home with negative hours!
It should also be noted that all the other ushers are so nice and loving and do whatever I say that I have no problems with them.
Hooray!
Ttys bloggers

Thanksgiving with My Uncle T.O.M.

WARNING! If the topic of menstrual cycles makes you uneasy just run away from this post.
Anyways, Good Thanksgiving morning to you!
So I don't think I've ever had a Thanksgiving without my period and I don't think that's really fair! Yes body I'm talking to you!
It's like somehow it knows that I spend all year complaining about the unfairness of being a woman and all the shit we put up with from our bodies. So on the morning of Thanksgiving my body goes "SHE CAN'T DENY US THANKS TODAY!!!!"
And as much as I'd like to curse about it and rip my ovaries out, I don't. Mostly because that would hurt like hell fire. So fine! I am thankful that I am alive, I am thankful that I am a woman, and yeah I guess I'm thankful that my body is allowing me the possibility to wreak demonic children upon the world. You the world should be grateful that I'm choosing to ignore that possibility.
But you know I do hope that all you readers out there, chillen with your families are content on Thanksgiving. Personally the past 2 years of Thanksgiving @ UVic have been fantastic. Thanksgiving with my family usually involves stuffing ourselves into a tiny house with 4 families and all their kids who are all way older than me because my sister and I are the youngest in the family.
So I'm thankful that I have sweet friends who want to do Thanksgiving, even if Aurora didn't want to host she still enjoyed herself in the end. I now know that boys cooking will turn out to be some kind of vegetable or fruit covered in sugar (strange but still totally delicious). And I'm glad that I selected funny people to be my friends as well.
Of course, now Victoria is going to spiral downwards into a pit of doom! Apparently the buses are going on strike and as of 1pm today which is in basically an hour the drivers can do whatever the heck they want which includes not having to drive the bus if they don't feel like it. Which sucks! I have to get downtown for my dance class later and then Alfred promised me Chinese food! I'm sure he'd love to just ride his bike around but I would much prefer we take the bus. SIGH!
Here's hoping everything goes swimmingly and I don't fall from a swinging hoop tonight.
Peace and love!

When You Can't Dance, Eat Nachos

Good lord followers! Prepare to her my struggles!
So for the past 4 days blogger has refused me acess to posting on my blog which frankly is just rude. So I downloaded the blogger app which means I will have many more spelling mistakes and a general lack of caring because my iPod refuses to allow the sideways keyboard. There is not enough room on vertical keyboard for my thumbs to type.
Alas let us begin. So I told you last week o my pole dancing at bus stops and ripping my favourite boots. Well I did not stop using the bus stop for practice it's super awesome and my flats seem to be doing fine. But in the uvic theatre we have a student run union and they all put up like 8 shows every fall so I auditioned for this girl's dance piece even though I do not dance and there are no poles in the room! I put that ballet class to use. And I got a call back today so I guess I don't suck terribly.
Sadly I had to miss pole on Thursday cause of this box office shift in which I learned nothing! TRAGIC I could have danced instead!
So Friday I went to this flexibility class called splits...I am no where near the ability to do splits...but the teacher told me to come for the dirty dancing class before hoop and it was awesome! Jolly good times. Then I did this hoop class. Now if in your childhood you ever did monkeybars or that thing where you'd hang off a bar and brim your feet through and hang upside down. That's basically what this is. Naturally I can not pull myself up(side effect of being a fat kid) but I'll get it one day. I'm supposed to practice...but it's thanksgiving! Forget that!
Eat tons readers!
Love ya

Reasons to have a Slave

Yes readers, I, a black woman, am recommending that you get a slave.
Not a real slave mind you, for whipping when you get bored and what not but a slave like Alfred.
Don't worry, yes he knows I am writing this. He even had a good laugh because we often joke about how he is my slave and now I will tell you of some of his slave duties.

1. Your slave should be well practiced in the art of massage! I often have a sore back or my leg muscles won't feel like co-operating. Alfred is a seasoned outdoors man. He knows what it feels like to pull a hamstring, to not be able to bend down, to ache all over when you try to move. Thus he also knows remedies like hot baths, soothing jasmine bath salts, and the most glorious hands. Nimble like a potion masters! Everyone should wish to have such fantastic hands.
2. Alfred does my dishes! It's THE BEST! You have no idea just how much I hate dishes, I always cut myself on knives and stuff it sucks! but Alfred doesn't mind! Slaves for the win!
3. He'll fold your laundry and make your bed: I am the worst bed maker. I can never tuck the corners in right so that they won't undo while I'm sleeping. But not only does Alfred have some magic skill at bed making but when it's laundry day like today and you just throw all your clean laundry on the bed and tell yourself you'll fold it later. Alfred will fold it for you! Because OCD Slaves can't stand messes!! BRILLIANT!
4. They bring you pumpkin pie blizzards and pumpkin spice lattes in the fall! That's really what slaves are for. They're like delivery people you send from your home to get things you're too lazy to do and then they bring them back to you. And everyone knows how obsessed with pumpkin I am so it's a good thing he has no troubles riding a bike up hill with no hands! THE PERFECT SLAVE!
5. Slaves are basically mothers who don't say anything against you. For example, Alfred doesn't tell me I'm crazy when I cry about the Sound of Music for no reason. He just nods in agreement when I rant about "Over the Rainbow" He brings feel better foods when you ruin your boots and run out of nachos and don't say anything about how unhealthy they are and cancel out any weight loss from pole dancing.

Yes my friends I highly recommend you get a slave!
Tata for now <3