Well hello my fellow bloggity bloggers or bloggity followers,
So I had a fantastic night with a ton of fantastic people and some sketchy people who's presence I found questionable. Yes, indeed last night was the Annual Phoenix First Year Party. The first real Phoenix, the name of the theatre of the school I attend, party where everyone comes together and drinks tons of alcohol and are just all around happy.
BOY was it ever a dramatic event! My friend Allyson and I began drinking around 2pm just so we would be good and drunk by the time the party started (at 8pm) but as we were drinking we had this brilliant idea! To make a welcome video to the first years and so we did. It was a fantastic sober idea but became more and more difficult as we became more and more drunk.
Watch here!
Needless to say it was a fantastic hit and all the first years who did not know and love me before certainly do now and those who did now worship me. It is odd being so highly adored by first years who know nothing about you, telling you you'll go on to do great things when you are next to nothing in the program. And this is partially where the insecurities come in.
So the other day I auditioned for a friends show and I got a call back. Even if I don't get cast just getting a call back is a great feeling after being shut down 2 years in a row by the acting specialisation. It shows you that even if these old busybodies don't think you have a future there are people out there that still believe in you and are willing to give you a chance.
Of course once I got to the call back and saw what my competition was I had a pretty good idea who the cast was, the director told us he had a good idea of the cast already and I was pretty sure I didn't fit the bill but it's the thought that counts! Even though he knew he wasn't going to cast me he gave time to let me read in the rare case that I might do something to change his mind! To me that's good directing. But where things went wrong was he told everyone he was going to cast that they had got the part which leads to inflated egos.
So last night we're all partying hard and the girl who got the part comes up to me, she may read this one day who knows I don't really care. She says "I just want you to know that I got the part," which in itself I found kind of rude but I told her I figured she would and congratulations she'll surely do a good job. To which she said, "you're not mad?" Why would I be mad, it's not like my life is over, it's not a big deal and yes, true enough she will probably do the role better than I would.
Clearly my easy acceptance was not what she wanted, apparently I was supposed to throw a fit so she says, "yeah it was really just between me and *insert name*."
Like REALLY!? How freaking rude, maybe it was just her being super drunk but I was really offended by that. I felt like she was telling me I didn't deserve it, I'm not as talented as I think I am which you know lately I don't feel that talented. I'm not like some of the actors in the program who think they're the tops and their peers should kiss their feet. I don't brag about whatever abilities I have and the only time that I acknowledge I am a good singer is if someone else brings it up first and puts me in the awkward situation.
But anyways in the moment I was too drunk to care, making new friends and telling first years the secrets of the world but now I'm home alone. I should be writing my opera summary, I should be reading the poems for writing tomorrow morning, there are TONS of things I SHOULD be doing but I'm not because I feel shitty. So I cleaned my house and I'm watching the glee project so I can be inspired by kids with shittier lives than me who can push through anything and I'll wait for Over The Rainbow to air tonight but it's probably not going to help.
I'll probably continue to feel like I suck for the next week because once again "It may have escaped [my] notice, but life isn't fair." Just a little quote from Snape.
TTFN LOVELIES
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